Things That Tyrann Mathieu Probably Should Have Tweeted Yesterday But Didn’t

Written by Ashley Burns / 04.16.13

America: Land of the Free to Have Stupid Facial Hair

I don’t get people. I don’t get how they can be born with unnatural talent and put in a position that people would (and have) kill to be in, to make millions upon millions of dollars for playing a game that people love. And all the while they can’t grasp the basic idea of thinking before speaking. But then, as I’ve pointed out so many times before, I’m not in their heads, so I can’t really identify with that someone like Tyrann Mathieu is thinking when he Tweets (and promptly deletes) something like this in the wake of yesterday’s tragedy at the Boston Marathon:

America… Only thing its good for is making money other than that this a wicked & cruel place to reside… #pray4boston

For the uninformed, Mathieu is a gifted young football player, who excelled at LSU before he was kicked off the team for failing drug tests as many as 10 times. Then he was arrested for marijuana possession. So maybe he’s pissed off because a guy can’t just smoke a little herb without people kicking him out of school or arresting him. But again, I’m not in his brain to know why he thinks that America is so wicked and cruel, and where he’d rather live than this country that is allowing him a second and third chance to make millions of dollars playing football.

I’m also not trying to tell a guy that he can’t have an opinion. If Mathieu hates America, fine. A lot of people do. But this is more of an issue with common sense or a lack thereof. Tons of people are insensitive, some even do it for a living. Sh*t, did you see what Anthony Jeselnik Tweeted (and deleted)? I’m just saying that there’s a time and a place, and a guy like Mathieu, whose draft stock has already taken repeated hits, needs an angel on his shoulder telling him that not every thought needs to be shared.

For instance, I’d like to suggest some things that he could have Tweeted instead.

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At Least The NFL’s Replacement Refs Are Having Fun With The Fans They Screwed Over

Written by Ashley Burns / 09.26.12

I suppose if you’re one of the two replacement refs responsible for the above image that will go down in infamy as one of the worst calls in NFL history, you’re probably going to want a drink. In case you’ve been mining for gold in the Arctic, Lance Easley up there – the dude calling touchdown – and the replacement ref crew working Monday Night Football this week wrongly awarded Seattle Seahawks WR Golden Tate a touchdown on a last second Hail Mary that was, of course, actually an interception. Either way, Green Bay’s loss is in the books.

You know what else is in the books? Easley’s 15 Jager bombs, broskis! And he better have tipped well, because he’s in for a world of pain today after it was revealed that the scab ref was out partying in Fresno last night, and for some ungodly reason, he thought it was a good idea to take a picture with a Packers fan. Because no one would ever find out.

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Packers Fan Fired For Zero Judgment

Written by Ashley Burns / 01.25.11

John Stone was fired from his job at Webb Chevrolet in Oak Lawn, Illinois yesterday after he showed up to work wearing a Green Bay Packers tie. The 34-year old claims he’s been a fan of the Packers since the days of Ahman Green, and he didn’t see anything wrong with honoring his team only a day after Green Bay defeated the Chicago Bears 21-14 in the NFC Championship. But his boss sure did, and he canned his ass for it.

Stone’s boss Jerry Roberts claims that he gave him 5 opportunities to remove the tie and keep his job, but Stone refused each time. It’s a shame to see such a long professional relationship come to an abrupt end like this. How long was Stone at Webb anyway? A month and a half. Geez, now this news is just shocking.

Please let me keep my mesh tank top, Chicago Sun-Times

“He said, ‘You have two options,’ ” a furious Stone said later Monday. “Remove the tie, or you’re fired.”

“When I didn’t, he said, ‘You can leave, you’re fired.’ Does that sound fair to you?”

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