Next week he’s going to be on Charlie Rose talking about Cet obscur objet du désir.

Anyway, R.A. Dickey, the New York Mets knuckleballer who was so good this year he got a biography, a documentary and the 2012 National League Cy Young Award, showed up on ‘The Daily Show With Jon Stewart’ to discuss his magical super pitch, talk about the permanency of the written word and do his very best to avoid Jon’s nonstop string of HOW ARE THE METS PREPARING TO MAKE ME MISERABLE questions. I don’t blame Jon for asking those questions while he’s got the chance … if I interviewed R.A. Dickey, it’d just be “do you know Mr. Met personally,” followed by 10 minutes of silence.

The full, extended interview (courtesy of TheDailyShow.com). It’s a fascinating look into the life of a legitimately interesting baseball guy, and holy shit I miss baseball. Is it baseball yet?

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After a brief hiatus, the Sports On TV column returns with one of the most requested shows ever: Trey Parker and Matt Stone’s 16-season strong cultural landmark, ‘South Park’.

‘South Park’ has been around since 1997, and has changed along with the times. When it started, Parker and Stone were getting $1,200 to make video Christmas cards for Fox executives. In 2012, they are influential, Tony Award-winning, multi-millionaire media moguls. One thing hasn’t changed: in season one, Kenny was getting ripped apart by football players. In season 16, Tom Brady is guzzling a Gatorade bottle of a child’s semen. Sports are one of the weirdest, stupidest, most ritualistic and overly-glorififed things human beings can do, and ‘South Park’ has been in tune with that since the very beginning.

So, in the Interest of easing us back into regular Thursday columns, here are my choices for the 20 greatest South Park sports moments. Like a lot of the shows we do, there are a ton of moments we had to leave out, so a part 2 will probably happen. If we left out your favorite moment, or you have something to say about a moment we chose, be sure to drop down into our comments section and let us know.

As an added bonus, participating in the discussion and sharing the column on Twitter or Facebook (courtesy of one of those handy buttons at the bottom of the post) will net you the BAT DAD BADGE. You don’t want the Bat Dad Badge? I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA.

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Lance Armstrong has spent the last ten years and change denying doping allegations, but now, after a 1,000 page collection of evidence and 26 sworn statements from fellow cyclists, he’s ready to … still deny them, I guess. But he’s stepping down as the chairman of Livestrong, which is a pretty big deal.

“This organization, its mission and its supporters are incredibly dear to my heart,” Armstrong said in a statement. “Today therefore, to spare the foundation any negative effects as a result of controversy surrounding my cycling career, I will conclude my chairmanship.

“As my cancer treatment was drawing to an end, I created a foundation to serve people affected by cancer. It has been a great privilege to help grow it from a dream into an organization that today has served 2.5 million people and helped spur a cultural shift in how the world views cancer survivors.

“My family and I have devoted our lives to the work of the foundation and that will not change. We plan to continue our service to the foundation and the cancer community. We will remain active advocates for cancer survivors and engaged supporters of the fight against cancer,” Armstrong said. (via LA Times)

We’ve tried to write objectively about whether or not Armstrong doped. We’ve even passed the buck to the pro comedians, guys who can say HEY F**K LANCE ARMSTRONG, WHO CARES ABOUT CYCLING without fear of a cycling forum somewhere finding out what they’ve said and bringing the hammer down. George Carlin summed up our thoughts on Lance Armstrong years ago, and now Lewis Black and ‘The Daily Show With Jon Stewart’ have taken it a step further by straight-up comparing Lance to the University Of Tennessee butt-chuggers and a guy who got arrested for doing it with a donkey.

Check out the video below, and see if you end up finding the donkeyf**ker infinitely more interesting than the nearly three-dozen cyclists who went to court to rat each other out.

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Sorry, I should have mentioned this one is a visual game.

My buddy brought this to my attention late last night as I was writing my review of the Comedy Central Roast of Charlie Sheen for our mother site, Uproxx, so I don’t know if this is a common knowledge thing since the last time I pulled up a NHL player’s profile it was practice making out with a picture of Manon Rheaume. But I thought it was pretty funny. Well played, Yahoo!.

So how about some links?

Yup, That’s A Burn: The Very Best Jokes From Comedy Central’s Celebrity
Roasts |UPROXX|

Best and Worst of the 2011 Emmys |Warming Glow|

Get Your Very Own Ol’ Dirty Bastard Food Stamp Card |Smoking Section|

Kenny F’n Powers Will Use The Force All Up In This B |Gamma Squad|

James Franco to Direct Cormac McCarthy Necrophilia Story |Film Drunk|

The Best And Worst Of WWE Night Of Champions 2011 |With Leather|

The Best of #Troy Barnes |UPROXX|

Minimal Movie Posters Are All The Rage These Days |UPROXX|

Reports of Gordon Ramsay’s Porn Dwarf Being Eaten by Badgers Have Been
Greatly Exaggerated |Film Drunk|

Many Television Stars Are Attractive |Warming Glow|

“Suck For Luck” NFL Power Rankings: Week 2 |With Leather|

Own A Handcrafted ED-E From ‘Fallout: New Vegas’ |Gamma Squad|

Casey Veggies Feat. Feat. C-San, Dom Kennedy & Kendrick Lamar – “Ridin’
Roun Town (Remix)” |Smoking Section|

10 Things Apple Is Worth More Than |Buzzfeed|

The long awaited “National Lampoon Canadian Vacation” starring Randy
Quaid and Dog the Bounty Hunter is finally underway |FARK|

Evangeline Lilly Worried She’ll be a ‘Black Mark’ in ‘The Hobbit’ |Moviefone|

The 10 Least Promising Shows for Fall |AOL
TV|

9 Best Web Contents of the Week |Adult Swim|

7 Great Franchises That Never Got a Decent Video Game |The
Smoking Jacket|

The 28 Most Dominating Emmy Winners of All Time |Pajiba|

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The above image is an ESPN illustration from a Page 2 piece called “Charlie Sheen vs. Mike Tyson quote quiz”. Or “What If Mike Tyson Were White?”, I can’t remember.

Sheen once shot Kelly Preston in the arm with a revolver and enjoyed a 20-plus year career despite beating up more than one woman. Mike Tyson liked to drag his wife down the hallway by her hair and was convicted of rape. Now, the hilarious star of The Hangover is set to skewer America’s irrepressible bad boy in “The Roast of Charlie Sheen”! Because this is how the world should work!

From TMZ:

Cocaine … hangovers … and mug shots — Mike Tyson and Charlie Sheen are a match made in Comedy Central Roast heaven … and TMZ has learned Iron Mike is officially on board to skewer the Warlock next month.

Sources heavily involved with the Roast tell us … Mike will be on the dais on September 10 … along with Steve-O from “Jackass” … comic Anthony Jeselnik and Roast legend Jeff Ross.

I guess my first question is, “when did Jeff Ross become a ‘Roast legend’?” Doing something doesn’t really make you a legend at it. Second question, how sad is it when comic Anthony Jeselnik is the second biggest star appearing at your roast? Is it more or less sad than being less of a draw than Steve-O?

I think most people have moved on from our two-week obsession with drug-addled Charlie Sheen, so hopefully “The Comedy Central Roast Of” is just a ruse and they’re setting up a two-hour intervention where they berate him for being one of our nation’s most legitimate creeps. Best case scenario, Jeff Ross shows up with a stack of index cards with nothing but Chuck Norris jokes on them and uses them indiscriminately for the next five Comedy Central Roasts.

Normally, Tosh.0 posts on With Leather involve web redemptions for the Phillies tazer kid or the “boom goes the dynamite” guy. Best case scenario, Manny Pacquiao has just punched him in the face and you need to know about it.

This week’s requisite Tosh post spotlights the $150,000 Tosh.0 Marathon, wherein thousands of people gathered to run on treadmills on Hermosa Beach in California to see how far they could get before a Kenyan runner finished first. As if that weren’t enough, the marathon featured magicians, stairmasters, improv sketch comedy and a bunch of horrible racism that is okay because he’s kidding. You can check out the video below, but be aware of all the cursing and slow motion lady-running before you click play.

The best part is even Tosh being unable to mock the affable Kenyan guy at the end. I did the math, and if I’d participated in this with my sharp 17-minute mile, I would’ve logged about 7/10th of one before giving up and having fun on the beach.

[via Tosh.0]