I’ve been to a lot of boring baseball games, and I’ve seen fans soldier through the lulls in action by reading books, playing video games and pretty much anything else besides “watching baseball”. Now, thanks to this clip from Deadspin, I’ve seen a guy pass the time by making blowjob faces.

It happened during Tuesday night’s weather-delayed game between the Chicago Cubs and the Pittsburgh Pirates. During the ninth inning, this gent goes full Pornhub with every blowjob pantomime variation he can muster, including the straight-up gag and double-dong swordfight. It’s at least as interesting as a 3-0 Cubs loss.

Security eventually wises up to his show, but not before he makes Comcast’s slow-motion replay and becomes an Internet superstar. You’re the next Michelle Jenneke, guy! Thanks for making “Chicago Cubs blowjob” a viable search option, I guess.

If you’re reading this, Chicago Cubs Blowjob Guy, I recommend spending your next 9th inning going full Annie Edison:

Read the rest of this entry »

If you watch this video of Richmond Flying Squirrel Eric Surkamp striking out Bryce Harper during Wednesday night’s Harrisburg Senators game, you’re allowed two trains of thought. The first is standing up and going YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH like the spider monkey in the blaze orange The second is summed up by YouTube user samherb1, who cuts to the chase and says what every sports blogger would say if they didn’t get paid to be inflammatory.

Video after the jump.

Read the rest of this entry »

The actual plot of this video, according to the YouTube description:

Jose Canseco gets pissed at umpire, gets ejected from game, then brother Ozzie comes out and he gets ejected from the game, couldn’t tell why, but sign language says it pretty well.

The plot of the video according to me:

Somebody starts playing “Mambo Number 5″ by Lou Bega at the San Fernando Valley Skateboard Monsterz park (or wherever Canseco hangs around now) and Jose gets pissed and confronts an umpire about it. Jose thinks the choice of music is “bullsh**”, and starts screaming it over and over until he’s ejected. This makes him angry, so “Rock Me Like a Hurricane” starts playing to sort of illustrate his anger and everybody gets ejected.

And I mean, who can blame him? If I had to listen to the entirety of Mambo Number 5 in 2011 I’d flip out and start screaming bullsh** at people, too. Of course I didn’t do horse tranq and uppers for two decades like Jose, so it probably would’ve been limited to me poking my head out of the dugout and saying “Jesus, can somebody turn that off?” to nobody in particular.

Part of me really wants to see Ozzie Guillen get thrown out of a game to “Tubthumping” by Chumbawumba now.

[H/T We the West]

Phillies outfielder Shane Victorino was ejected from yesterday’s game against Florida for arguing balls and strikes with home-plate umpire Ed Rapuano. Which really isn’t that big a deal–until one considers that Victorino was 350 feet away from the plate, playing center field.

Victorino threw his arms up after a pitch by Rodrigo Lopez to Florida’s Wes Helms was called a ball. Home plate umpire Ed Rapuano promptly tossed him. Victorino ran in from center, but was restrained by teammates. via.

None of the highlight packages I’ve seen have shown the pitch in question [except this one, which we screen-capped above], so it must have been a truly piss-poor call. That said, the rules about arguing balls and strikes are quite clear, unlike the rules of love and war, which seem to be much more lenient. And more expensive, when you think about it. Also notable about this game (which the Marlins won handily) was that it might be the last start for Jamie Moyer, who was the only player to pitch for 10 years or more in the bigs and serve in the Revolutionary War. It’s funny because he’s old, see.

Another YouTube, another crazy manager.  Mississippi Braves manager Phillip Wellman took issue with an umpire's call last night: 

Watch out Carrot Top, give this guy two bases and a rosin bag and you'll be relegated to pay phone commercials. Oh wait . . . but this does give me a good idea.  How about putting one real grenade on the pitcher's mound in case the hurler throws himself into a jam.  For example, if Albert Pujols is at the plate, and the bases are loaded, and your name is Brad Lidge.  "Here you go Albertus Magnus! Try and hit this, you Latin heartthrob son of a bitch!"  Just don't hold it too long, or you might end up like Mrs. Glick's brother Asa when he attempted to toss one at Kaiser Bill in the Great War. -KD

(Eternal rewards to Jay for the tip.)