Back in August, NFL fans everywhere rejoiced as “comedian” and impressionist Frank Caliendo announced on his Facebook page that he had “parted ways” with Fox Sports and would not be returning to the network’s Sunday NFL coverage. That was great news for us, because we love Fox’s NFL coverage, specifically Curt Menefee, who is awesome and the best in the world. But other sports talking heads acted like this was a shame, because they’re stupid and like to laugh at a Robert DeNiro impression picking the Chiefs to upset the Packers.

Of Caliendo’s “departure”, I wrote:

Anyway, cue the “NBC Sports Hires Frank Caliendo” stories in 3… 2… 1…

That, of course, was my response to Pro Football Talk’s Mike Florio acting like this was the biggest mistake that Fox could ever make. Well, I was shamefully wrong, because we all should have known which network was going to bring a walking knock-knock joke back to NFL coverage for his hilarious anaylsis.

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I was pleased as hunch punch this morning when I saw that my cooler UPROXX cousin Christmas Ape had already covered the news that Frank Caliendo was out at FOX Sports as the go-to guy for the NFL pre-game’s horrible impressions of impressions. I was pleased not because I wouldn’t get to talk about it, but because Ape pointing out that Pro Football Talk’s Mike Florio thinking Caliendo is hilarious saved me a 3,000-word rant that would have drawn more expletives than currently exist in the English language.

Instead, I want to focus on Caliendo’s own Facebook response to this matter. I don’t know if he was actually fired, and I don’t really care. All I know is that every Sunday morning during the NFL season, I watch CBS and the NFL Network for a reason before the games begin. That reason has always been Frank Caliendo. He is the lowest-hanging fruit on comedy’s apple tree, presuming that Carrot Top is the dead, rotting fruit covered in dirt.

To everyone asking about the FOX pregame. I will not be back this coming season. It was great to be part of the team with Terry and the guys for the last 9 years, but it’s time to move on. I have a couple of upcoming ventures that look like they may be pretty cool… And as soon as I can tell you more about them– I definitely will. More soon!

Alas, I come here not to bury Caliendo, but to offer him some advice and perhaps make a plea bargain with him. I know that Caliendo will not stay entirely out of sports, because he’s too convenient for the lazy radio and podcast folks, and even cable news talking heads, to call up for their occasional dancing monkey. But Caliendo belongs in Las Vegas. He is the type of entertainer that the city was built for. Someone just give him a show already so he can disappear for a little while and let us watch our pre-game coverage without having to worry about how much nitrous oxide they’ll have to spray at Terry Bradshaw to make him cackle at Caliendo’s blackface Barkley routine.

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Ron Artest, AKA Metta World Peace, is by all accounts – and I’m using a technical medical term here – out of his f*cking mind. Thankfully, though, he’s been a breath of fresh air during this NBA lockout with his ambitious efforts of being a “comedian.” Granted, most of his Twitter jokes don’t induce laughs as much as they cause crickets to chirp, but at least the guy is trying.

But as Pro Basketball Talk pointed out, Artest Tweeted the above idea the other day and it is the most refreshing idea that I’ve heard during this entire STUPID F*CKING NBA LOCKOUT. One owner, one player. One-on-one to determine the fate of the lockout. If the owner wins, they all get 53% like they’re currently asking. If the player wins, his side gets 53% like they wanted. I know he says 70% but let’s be real. Besides, who wouldn’t want to watch this?

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In news that kind of makes me go, “Ehhhhhhh, hmmmmm,” Artie Lange is making his return to talk radio with fellow comedian Nick DiPaolo for… well, “The Nick and Artie Show.” The new show will start out on plain, old terrestrial radio in as many as 30 markets, and they’re going to air episodes on DirecTV and hit the road to promote it as well. But in a little bit of a twist, this show will be focused on sports. As DiPaolo would say, sports talk radio is like sex. Even when it’s bad, we still pay for it.

Some tidbits from Deadline:

Their deals are worth high six-figures. It’s a three-year commitment and the total value of the deal is in excess of $3 million, I’m told.

Lange returns to the airwaves in regular rotation for the first time since he left under tragic circumstances.

Lange and DiPaolo tested out their radio chemistry when they subbed for Tony Bruno on Fox Sports Radio earlier this year, and it was no secret they were looking for a deal. The show won’t be syndicated by Fox, though, but they are close to finalizing with another company.

Basically, Lange is a huge New York fan and DiPaolo is a Boston guy, so expect them to yell at each other a lot and make over-the-top jokes about Tom Brady and Rex Ryan, much like a live version of Lange’s recent contribution to ESPN the Magazine, which was the biggest turd to hit my mailbox since I was in a high school prank war.

But living in a market that has eternally terrible radio shows, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t at least a little excited for the show’s potential. Judge for yourself with the sample at their current website.