The spoils of an MLS title include a big trophy, medals, and a baby

Congratulations are in order for the Columbus Crew, who brought home their first-ever championship by beating the upstart New York Red Bulls 3-1 in the MLS Cup Final yesterday.  Yeah, I didn’t realize it was going on, either.

Buoyed by stars Frankie Hejduk (who scored the insurance goal) and league MVP Guillermo Barros Schelotto (three assists), the Crew earned a title that in many ways is deserved.  Not only is Columbus one of the league’s first franchises, but they also built the first stadium in America designed for a pro soccer team and have one of the more devoted fan bases in the league.  So, good for them.  It’s nice to write something pleasant about Ohio for once.

In other minor championship news, the Calgary Stampeders beat the Montreal Alouettes for the CFL’s Grey Cup.  Probably because “Alouette” is such a faggy team name.

The Columbus Crew played the Premiership's West Ham United in a friendly this weekend.  Yes, a friendly.  So the soccer team with the most notorious hooligans in the U.K. visits the location of Ohio State University.  What could possibly go wrong?

A halftime brawl between more than 100 fans marred an exhibition match Sunday between West Ham United of the English Premier League club and the MLS' Columbus Crew. The fights, which overshadowed West Ham United's 3-1 win, began when a handful of West Ham supporters… entered the northeast corner of the stadium where the Crew's most boisterous supporters typically gather.

Crew supporters began directing chants toward the rival fans, and fights quickly broke out between more than 100 Crew fans and at least 30 West Ham fans. [Note: police reportedly used pepper spray on the crowd. -Ed.]

The headline for that story claimed that the fights "marred" the soccer game.  Really?  Because I think the soccer game marred a perfectly good brawl.

Major League Soccer began its season this past weekend, and while it didn't get so much as acknowledging head nod from With Leather, plenty of Toronto FC fans made the trek from Canadia down to Columbus for the opener against the Crew.  And they were pleasant guests.

They encouraged the Crew cheerleaders [pictured] to "take off their tops", and they let out a collective groan when FC striker Colin Samuel missed a penalty kick. And they kept on drinking. [...] One red-faced Toronto fan challenged a red-faced Columbus fan to a fight. Fingers were pointed, insults hurled, a punch thrown, a lip bloodied. A few FC supporters had to be escorted to the stadium gates in handcuffs by the Columbus police, ejected for their loutish behaviour.

They also made friends with the local police. 

"They're pissing all over the damn place, and as you can see, they've littered it up considerably," Columbus police lieutenant Kevin Conley said. "And then they decided that they were going to surround one of our cars like they were the Indians and the car was Custer."

Conley said Toronto fans had been urinating on a chain link fence that bordered the field, even though it looked onto a church across the street. The churchgoers called police, and one man was arrested.

Hmmm…  So Canadians are drunk hooligans who piss off church-going Ohioans?  Well played, sirs.  Sitting here in my apartment, I'm all talk and no game.  When you actually get off your ass to get lit and start fights and pee on Ohio churches, well, those are the kind of proactive assholes I wanna party with.

[SPORTSbyBROOKS]