With Leather

Brock Lesnar Murdering Things - I learned to love him as Paul Heyman’s cocky frat supermonster, I learned to love him as a faux-Minnesota Viking and now I must learn to love him again as a guy who systematically does everything I don’t like. I bet he thinks “Scrubs” is the funniest show ever. Ugh, come on, Brock. [With Leather]

And You Guys Thought Kate Upton Was Fat - About halfway through I thought to myself “okay, she shouldn’t be a minstrel for fat people but at least she’s smiling, whatever makes her happy, I guess” and then I got to the nearly-naked photos. When your body starts to look like a snow-fallen tree you should reevaluate your life. [With Leather]

UA Panhellenic Board Recruitment Video 2011 - I’m proud to say this post got its first “you don’t like this because you’re JEALOUS” comment last night, and I wanted to go ahead and share that with everybody. Update for that commenter: When I was in college I wanted to sleep with the hot artsy college girls, not these high school leftovers. [With Leather]

The Dugout: Thome at 600 - Any chance Thome’s career gets a second wind, and he hits like .320 next season and gives us a reason to think he’ll make it to 700? Because that would be awesome. I really want to write “Jim Thome at 800″, while we’re at it. [With Leather]

Elsewhere On Uproxx

Suge Knight Disses Diddy…in 2011 - Sort of like the Hulk Hogan vs. Ultimate Warrior of rap music. You would’ve wanted to see it decades ago, but even then you didn’t really take them seriously. [Smoking Section]

Frotcast 61: Punte, Clips from Vince’s Stand Up Comedy, The Val Kilmer Song Title Game - I’m doing the test run of my podcast tonight! Yeahhh! While I’m doing that, please enjoy professionals who know how to do it and don’t have to stare at a microphone for two weeks beforehand. [Film Drunk]

Justin Bieber’s Concert in Mexico Sells Out, Fans Lose Their Sh*t - Idol worship is pretty awesome. Bieber should start trying to heal people. Touch them in the forehead, make them fall down, that kind of thing. Worst case scenario, he should talk more about Jesus. [Warming Glow]

The Amazing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Art of David Rapoza - I would pay good money for a cartoon that looked like this. Come for the April O’Neil, stay for f**king Wingnut and Screwloose. [Gamma Squad]

Not Sports

17 Promising Actors Who Never Lived Up to Their Potential - I don’t know why Elisha Cuthbert is on this list. Sure, she was pretty gorgeous at one point, but anybody who watched “24″ knows her potential was “show nipples”. Actual recommendation for the list: Thora Birch. Where the hell are you, Thora? [Pajiba]

89 Things I Learned at the Gathering of the Juggalos - I like that ICP brings in black celebrities to make their racist county fair look multicultural. Guess what? Racist white people LOVE black celebrities, they just hate the black people they see every day. And Obama. [Buzzfeed]

The 30 Harshest Musician on Musician Insults - I hope Eminem’s “nobody listens to Techno!” to Moby made the list. No I don’t, that was the weakest thing ever. 15 years later there are 38 techno songs on the American top 40. The only rapper on the list is Lil Wayne, and he’s singing a tender ballad. [FARK]

The Hottest New Action Stars of 2011 - I saw The Help last night, so I want to nominate Viola Davis for this. Watch her run. That sh*t is TENSE. Best scared woman run since Judy Garland. [Moviefone]

In case you missed it during that weird period when a video goes viral and the person who made it gets butthurt and takes it down, then realizes it is their only shot at ironic fame and puts it back up so they can get on Tosh, please enjoy this video of University of Alabama Panhellenic Association Board combining their awful white teen girl powers to form some Godless approximation of musical Voltron. In layman’s terms, white girls are stealing from every culture imaginable, be it Greek to African-American to Internet, and they feel totally amazing doing it. Vince Mancini and Josh Zerkle gave the track (cough) a listen on the latest Frotcast, and it is my job to sorta shuffle it over here. Every day I’m shuffling.

Highlights include a namedrop of football coach Nick Saban, a big “ta-da” finish inside Bryant–Denny Stadium and a Rebecca Black remix, because that’s something people still think is funny. Who am I kidding, the only highlight is that you’re watching this and not one of the people in it.

From the Daily Mail:

The school’s media relations director, Cathy Andreen, told The Huffington Post: ‘It was supposed to just be to welcome the girls who were going out for Greek rush.’

Ashley Getwan, president of the Panhellenic Association at the university, said: ‘We didn’t realize it would get so much publicity… Any publicity is good publicity, we hope.’

CBS42.com reported that the school’s rush week has seen a record number of would-be pledges, with more than 1,700 and counting.

Counterpoint:

One YouTube commenter wrote: ‘This is f**king embarrassing. I love this school, but this is why people can’t stand these sh*theads.’

I’m going to throw in with the second guy.

If you’re like me you spend a lot of time concerned about the love lives of the world’s wealthiest professional athletes. Like, Tiger Woods, for instance, who was callously dumped by his wife Elin Nordegren last year all because he “had sex” with “a bunch of whores”. Whatever happened to “’til death do us part”, Elin?

Well if you’re worried about El Tigre, don’t be. Because he’s back on the horse, and by horse I mean he’s banging dating a 22-year old girl now. The girl in question is Alyse Lahti, daughter of former St. Louis Cardinals pitcher Jeff Lahti and a volleyball star at the University of New Hampshire. And yes, that is Alyse in the Proactiv ad mugshot to the right. She was arrested for DUI last year in my beloved Orange County, Florida.

Which begs the question – She lives in Orlando and I live in Orlando, she likes to drink and I like to drink, so why aren’t we dating? Is it the fact that I’m not a billionaire professional athlete? Wow, that’s pretty shallow, Alyse. And to think I was going to let you sleep in my With Leather t-shirt.

If you’re into Facebook stalking, you can check out more photos of Alyse at the Palm Beach Post. But I try to respect a girl’s privacy. Except in public restrooms.