Since a run of four 90+ win seasons from 2000-2003, the Seattle Mariners have had just 2 winning seasons. While their fans certainly aren’t as maligned as those of the Cleveland Indians or Chicago Cubs, it’s still not very easy being a loyal moose in the Emerald City, especially with the team shipping out the beloved Ichiro Suzuki for greener pastures earlier this season. In fact, it’s safe to say that Mariners fans only have Felix Hernandez left to be proud of, and as long as he’s mowing them down at Safeco, they’re going to love him for it.

Enter: Felixing. As we watched King Felix pitch a perfect game last Wednesday, fans around the world are now celebrating the 26-year old by taking Tebowing behind the barn in favor of Felixing, which honors his celebratory “Where the Wild Things Are” victory pose. The pose has even caught on with Pearl Jam lead singer Eddie Vedder, who would qualify for the upcoming updates to my Interactive Celebrity Fan Tracker, if he’d simply decide which team he’s actually a fan of.

But aside from that, it’s nice to see those crazy kids in the Pacific Northwest celebrating something these days. Hopefully we’ll soon see Ufford introduce Tavarising, which is a bag-packing pose.

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Look at this jerk, he even blocks New Orleans on the map.

As he embraces life without the wonderful Michelle Beadle, Colin Cowherd reminded us yet again that when it comes to spewing opinions about sports, he’s a guy that does that. Cowherd didn’t make any friends in New Orleans earlier this week, after he complained about the prospect of the 2013 NFL Pro Bowl being held in the Big Easy.

Herped and derped ESPN’s popular radio and TV host:

“They have become the default place for everything, and the Pro Bowl is a family event. Players take their families,” Cowherd said. “Players aren’t going to go to New Orleans. New Orleans is not a family destination, it’s a party destination.”

Players aren’t going to go to New Orleans because it’s a party destination. Let that sink in for a minute. But Hawaii and its 12 hookers per square foot is practically a giant Chuck-E-Cheese.

Let’s just get to the meat of Cowherd’s beef:

“It is the least safe major city in the country… not my opinion, statistically the least safe,” he said. “There are only two where locals will tell you, turn around, don’t go that way…Detroit and New Orleans.”

Let’s forget for a second the fact that you can’t invoke statistics and then not offer any statistics, instead saying something as ridiculous as the locals will tell you to f*ck off like, fittingly, in Interview with a Vampire as they’re burning the city to the ground because of the plague. Cowherd’s entire argument boiled down to ignorance, as he eventually added:

“I want a lot of hotel rooms, a great airport, good weather, safety,” Cowherd said. “New Orleans is not top-15 in any of those.”

Naturally, New Orleans officials disagree.

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