"If he ices, he ices."

This year marks the 40th anniversary of the legendary Summit Series, which was a friendly hockey exhibition between Canada and Russia, presumably created as a big “F*ck you” to America during the Cold War. The event consisted of 8 games between the two nations – 4 in Canada and 4 in Russia – as they loaded their rosters with their top talents.

While Canada’s lineup featured NHL stars like Phil Esposito and Stan Mikita, Russia also unleashed some guys that nobody had ever heard of and I’m sure they were not pumped with any drugs or steroids that had been developed in secret underground or mountain side bunkers. Canada ultimately won the series 4-3-1 after an exciting Game 8 that featured the Canadian team scoring 3 goals in the third period, including a last second game-winner by Paul Henderson, after trailing 5-3.

Now, Russia’s Prime Minister and former President, Vladimir Putin, not only wants a rematch but he’s willing to play. In fact, he challenged Canada’s PM Stephen Harper to take the ice against him, and Putin can’t like his answer too much:

… press secretary Andrew MacDougall said the story was not true.

“The Prime Minister will not be playing hockey against Mr. Putin,” he said in an email.

(Via the Toronto Star)

The reason for this hoser-esque behavior? Apparently Harper might be upset that Putin jumped the gun and beat him to the challenge. Either way, the Summit Series celebration will happen, this time with just two games. But Putin wants the world to know that he’s ready to skate, because in Russia, the Prime Minister pucks you.

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What do 4 young men trespassing in an old Soviet insane asylum do? Play some human bowling, of course: 

I suppose that looks a little more like a school. Or is it an old Soviet "re-education" center? Regardless, life was much simpler when we had a clear enemy. Now we have to worry about Pakistan starting World War III? I think I'll go roll with some former Soviets to relieve this doomsday stress. -KD

The Russian Rugby team's shoes disappeared before their Six Nations B Cup match with Romania, forcing them to practice in their socks:

The Russia players put their boots in the (Bucharest) hotel lobby but they disappeared during a power shortage." The report added that police had launched an investigation ahead of Sunday's game in Bucharest. "The FRR [Romanian Rugby Federation] regrets the incident and will offer boots to the visiting players if they ask for them," it added.

A power shortage in Bucharest?  I don't believe it.  This is surely just the first in a long line of impending pranks that Russia will suffer at the hands of former Eastern Bloc countries.  "Ha, ha, we took your shoes, and you can't occupy our country so easily anymore."  Even Stalin would have laughed . . .before killing hundreds of thousands of people as retaliation.  In fact he probably would have laughed then too – he was a crazy bastard.  Anyway, wouldn't it be charming if the press dubbed one of the players, say Viachaslev Grachev, "Shoeless"?  And we wouldn't have to worry about Shoeless Viachaslev throwing any games on behalf of the Russian Mob.  They would never think of sinking to depths of Arnold Rothstein.  From all accounts, they're a classy bunch. -KD

The indestructible Ken Griffey Jr. broke his groin last night while trying to field a Derek Lee single in the bottom of the 8th inning against the Cubs.  He described his injury thusly:

"The best way I can describe it is it felt like somebody bungee jumped off my right nut," Griffey said.

I must say, that doesn't sound pleasant.  I hope this doesn't give my dominatrix any ideas.  Anyway, Adam Dunn blamed Griffey's misfortune on the poor condition of Wrigley Field's outfield:

'That outfield is dangerous,'' Dunn said. ''I'm surprised more people don't get injured out there. It's worse than playing in a parking lot.'' . . . Told that concerts were held in the outfield earlier this summer, Dunn said: ''It looks like they had a monster truck rally. It's terrible. There are potholes. It's bad. It's unsafe.''

Was there ever any doubt Adam Dunn attended monster truck rallies?  He's probably angry that the 3rd base umpire ruled he had trapped a ball instead of catching it in the same inning allowing the winning run to score for Chicago.  All instant replays indicated Dunn actually caught the ball, but what does he expect – he plays for the communists. -KD  

{Awful Announcing and Foul Balls}