It sorta looks like somebody broke in and stole our furniture, but at least we don’t have an “under construction” gif at the top of the page anywhere. Copy pasta’d liberally from Mr. Matt Ufford:

As with most layout changes, there are some things to like and some things not to like, but for the most part the changes are intended to improve the user experience. In the end, this is still gonna be the same website, but if you’re super-pissed off about it, please send constructive hate mail to info@uproxx.com.

We are under construction, though, so bless this mess.

Sports

NFL Teams Be Transactin’ - Hey look! The NFL got its act together and now everybody’s doing things. Let’s keep up this momentum and do things for the rest of the season. That would be awesome! [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

Talking Trades: 5 Deadline Deals That Should Go Down - It’s not the coolest thing to admit, but I’m gonna go ahead and come out as the guy who would be super excited if David Wright ended up in Cleveland. Also, BJ Upton. And Beltran. Let’s go Tribe! [Smoking Section]

The Citi Field Stormer: A Celebration of Bad Planning - He still planned better than the dude in the wedding dress, because he planned to not be a dude in a wedding dress. [SBN]

Voelker TKOs Bowling - This title is pretty misleading. I thought this was going to be a new episode of Jenn Sterger’s show. [Cagewriter]

With Leather

The Dugout: Crooked Neck Club - I should just link to everything, because it all looks so fresh and new. Don’t miss yesterday’s Dugout, which is about surface piercings, doodoo and “Laverne & Shirley”. I’m old. And weird. [The Dugout]

Unbreak My Heart: A Retrospective of Jay Cutler and Kristin Cavallari - You know you’re a terrible quarterback when your reality show girlfriend seems too good for you. [With Leather]

Christianity Is Brought To You With Limited Commercial Interruption, By Ford™ - The worst pre-race prayer ever, dressed up as the “best prayer ever” and championed as cool by Christians because “God should be awesome”. No he shouldn’t, Spuds McKenzie should be awesome. God should be completely different. [With Leather]

We Hate This Soccer Guy Because He’s Black! - I mean, WE don’t, but soccer fans sure do. Also, big ups to the commenter who said they clicked this article thinking it was going to be about Nintendo, because that was the entire headline joke. [With Leather]

Not Sports

Katy Perry’s Smurftastic Smurf Premierer Mini-Dress - Witness the beginning of the end for Katy Perry, as she stops looking like the busty Zooey Deschanel and starts looking like a busty Hilary Burton. Perez Hilton should’ve worn the same thing, but with Snagglepuss on the front. [FARK]

Comic-Con Photo Diary Part 2 - I feel like a Comic-Con diary could be accomplished in one paragraph. “Saw some kinda hot girls dressed like things, awkwardly walked past a comic book artist/writer/creator I didn’t recognize or want to talk to, gave Xander 40 bucks to take a picture with me.” Is there more to it than that? [Film Drunk]

Awesome and Ridiculous San Diego Comic-Con Cosplay - None of these people are as awesome or ridiculous as my last two Halloween costumes, Hooded Justice and The Peculiar Purple Pie-Man of Porcupine Peak. I want to be Longshot this year, but do you know how hard it is to find a vegan leather bodysuit? [Gamma Squad]

Meme Watch: LOLSummer69 Thinks Tumblr Has Always Wanted to See Them Naked - Real talk: I want to see everybody naked. [UPROXX]

A few words about The Dugout before you read today’s strip.

1. If you like The Dugout, be sure to “like” it on Facebook and follow us there. It’s the second easiest way to know when a Dugout has been posted, with the added bonus of meeting individuals like yourself who enjoy reading baseball players cursing at each other. The easiest way is to load the With Leather main page and repeatedly refresh.

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Now, about that stupid thing on Coco Crisp’s neck …

Read the rest of this entry »

Coco Crisp has been a recurring character in The Dugout for a number of reasons, including wearing his hat sideways, getting arrested for things and playing for teams of interest (even the Royals). Also, his name is “Coco Crisp.” We’ve gotten used to it over the last ten years, but really sit back and think about how great it is that somebody in professional sports chooses to call themselves “Coco” when their shoot last name is Crisp. His name is Covelli. Covelli Crisp would be an awesome name for a baseball player, wouldn’t it?

In today’s hair-centric celebrity gossip sports-o-sphere, Crisp has taken the next logical step in a career wrought with easy jokes: he’s letting Oakland fans vote on his next hairstyle. Something something something, today’s Dugout follows.

Read the rest of this entry »

The most deliciously named (pause?) MLB player, Coco Crisp, was nabbed for having too much to drink and driving around. Dammit, there goes his nonexistent value in fantasy baseball and real life! How am I supposed to win the “drive sober” matchup now?

Oakland Athletics outfielder Coco Crisp has been arrested on suspicion of drunken driving, the third major league player to be charged with DUI in the last three weeks.

The A’s said in a statement that Crisp was arrested early Wednesday in Scottsdale. He was released from jail and arrived at Phoenix Municipal Stadium on time to take part in pre-game drills before Oakland’s exhibition game against the Cleveland Indians.
…
The team said it is taking Crisp’s situation “seriously” and will have no further comment “until further details are available.” -ESPN.

One look at Crisp’s roster picture (which I also inserted into the picture above), and it looks like it’s not unusual for Crisp to be totally chocolate wasted. Also, if you want to yell at me for taking a joke from the movie Grown Ups, feel free to email me at suckit@yahoo.com with the subject line “I’m a stupid poophead.” Man, whoever owns that email address is going to be SO pissed.

The Devil Rays suffered their 11th consecutive loss last night as the Red Sox finished a sweep at Fenway with a 15-4 pounding in which the Sox put 13 runs on the board over the first three innings.  Coco Crisp hit a first-inning grand slam, Mike Lowell had five hits and five RBIs, and Josh Beckett coasted to his 12th win as the Sawx kept their 12-game lead over Toronto and New York in the Al East. 

The good news is that this is rock bottom for the D-Rays.  It doesn't get much worse than Coco Crisp hitting a grand slam.  The Rays would have to get relegated to the NL, then let a pitcher hit a grand slam for it to be worse.  Hmmm… relegation to the NL: that sounds fair.  But who to promote to the AL?  Are there any good teams in the NL?  The Padres?  The Mets?  Don't even say the Brewers.

Other MLB scores: Fatty C.C. Sabathia and his crooked hat gave up 7 runs as the Tigers jumped on the Indians 12-3, narrowing the gap in the AL Central and getting Justin Verlander his 10th win… goddam Angels can't even get swept.  Stupid Kelvim Escobar has a stupid first name… The Cubs have a winning record.  It doesn't make sense until you realize they did it by beating the Nats.