Giants linebacker and coke-snorting legend Lawrence Taylor did an interview with an independent show with the YES Network that was picked up by the New York Post, and Taylor’s conversation with Michael Kay has more than its share of gems. Emphasis added:
“The night before I retired, I realized that I wanted to do recreational drugs again. The recreational drugs turned into a full-time job.” His moment of clarity? “When the feds put the handcuffs on me,” L.T. said. “It comes in real clear — these are not recreational handcuffs.”
On being drug-tested back in his NFL days:
Taylor submitted a teammate’s sample when he failed his first drug test in 1987, he told the Yes network’s “Centerstage.” “Actually, it wasn’t my urine. I failed the drug test and he didn’t. I couldn’t believe it.” via, via.
Ah, testing in the pre-Whizzenator days. Those were such innocent times. That was back before they had all the damn PSAs on TV. These days, you can’t even enjoy a refreshing beer in the car on the way home. At least I can still text…
The jail term of a British woman started today after she was convicted of smuggling cocaine into England through her golf clubs. Authorities discovered about $150,000 US worth of cocaine in Kayti Dryer’s golf clubs when she returned home from the Caribbean.
‘When Dryer was asked questions about golf, it was clear that she was totally unfamiliar with the game and she had no legitimate reason for travelling with the sports equipment.[...]
An airport source said: ‘When asked about her handicap, she looked blank and asked them to repeat the question. They asked her again, she gave no response.
It’s not quite as clever as a golf club one can pee into, but it’s still crafty nonetheless. Though it wouldn’t hurt anyone if the drug mules actually played the part more convincingly. Well, the people that would eventually OD on coke would be hurt. I meant besides them. (via)
Look, I know it’s that chalk or talcum powder or whatever it is that keeps moisture off his hands and irritates the laptops of courtside beat writers everywhere. I understand that. But if you think I can watch this new Nike commercial–with a hyperactive puppet shooting white powder everywhere–and not make a connection to Snow White, you must be on something.
Doesn’t it remind you of that scene in American Gangster where they prepped the Blue Magic? All that’s missing is the naked women chopping it up. I didn’t know LeBron’s sponsors included the Republic of Colombia.
Jags wide receiver and noted white athlete on drugs Matt Jones was arrested yesterday for violating terms of his drug treatment program. Jones tested positive for alcohol, violating the terms of the probation to which he agreed after being arrested for possession last July.
Terms of Jones’ drug treatment program call for participants to abstain from drugs and alcohol, and individuals are tested randomly for the substances. Positive results from Jones’ alcohol test came in late last week, and he appeared in court Monday to face Judge Mary Ann Gunn, who presides over the drug court, about the positive result.[...]
Jones’ entrance into the Washington County Drug Court stems from an incident last July in which Fayetteville police arrested the former first-round draft pick after seeing him inside a parked car allegedly cutting up cocaine with a Foot Locker discount card.
Jones had the choice of spending ten days in jail or six weeks in rehab. He chose jail, meaning that that Foot Locker card got him 75% time off. it’s a crafty move, really. It’s so much tougher to get laid in rehab.
|Florida Times-Union, via KSK|
Most of you remember former Falcons running back Jamal Anderson as the proprietor of the “Dirty Bird,” that variation of the Chicken Dance that was all the rage during Atlanta’s run to Super Bowl XXXIII. Anderson’s choreographic brilliance shone yet again over the weekend, this time in an Atlanta nightclub. This latest routine involves dropping to your knees, covering a nostril of your choice, and snorting a line of blow off the crapper with a white guy.
Anderson, 36, and Mark Daniel Hudson, 20, both of Duluth, were in the same stall inside the men’s room at Peachtree Tavern about 3 a.m. Sunday, snorting powder cocaine off the toilet tank, police spokesman Otis Redmond said…A tavern patron alerted an off-duty Atlanta police officer to possible illegal drug use inside the restroom, he said.
Jamal was booked for felony possession of cocaine and misdemeanor possession of marijuana. He was released on $6000 bond, so I guess he can go knock out whatever it was he was trying to get pumped up for at 3 am. Seriously, just go to bed, man. Or play Madden. Did you know you could create yourself in Madden and then play the game as you, Jamal? Imagine that, you as an NFL player. What a time for us to be alive.
[AJC, via The Smoking Section]
Jason Peter was an All-America at Nebraska before the Panthers made him their #1 draft pick in 1998. His injury-plagued career lasted only four years… but his drug abuse alone should be able to land him in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. From Peter's new memoir:
When you swallow sixty Vicodin, twenty sleeping pills, drink a bottle of vodka, and still survive, a certain sense of invulnerability stays with you. When you continue to use drugs with the kind of reckless determination that I did, the limit to how much heroin or crack you can ingest is not defined by dollar amounts but by the amounts your body can withstand without experiencing a seizure or respiratory failure.
SI's Peter King followed up with an interview:
Vicodin. Ambien. Cocaine. Crack. Heroin. GHB, the date-rape drug. Lots of others I've never heard of… Nights and weeks with prostitutes so numerous … well, so numerous that his Madame at a high-rolling Manhattan brothel ran out of girls for him…
It got to the point, he told me, "where it was easier to buy five eight-balls of cocaine than it was to buy 500 Vicodin.'' That's what led to the rampant drug use.
That's what's so great about cocaine: you don't need a prescription. Of course, it would be wrong to lionize Peter just because he took lots of drugs and used every whore in a brothel… but you've gotta admit, that sounds pretty cool. Normal people don't survive that. It's like they cross-bred Amy Winehouse with Secretariat.
