How well-coached were Bobby Bowden’s teams? Look no further for that answer than Florida State offensive tackle Zerbie Sanders. Apparently the center forgot the snap count, which left everyone on the Seminole offense scrambling for his life. Well, everyone except Zerbie. Good job, son. See you at the Tampax Bowl against the Crimson…eh, maybe I shouldn’t go there. –Last Angry Fan.
In a stirring accomplishment for “Matlock” fans, Penn State has reportedly signed octogenarian coach Joe Paterno to a three-year contract extension. Paterno, who turns 82 on Sunday, has been the school’s head coach since 1950. That’s the Truman Administration. Before either of my parents were born. Before the polio vaccine.
Listen, I know that Penn State went 11-1 and earned a trip to the Rose Bowl. That credit theoretically goes to Paterno. But I don’t believe for a minute that JoePa did anything but walk along the sidelines with a fake rubber headset while his assistants took care of play-calling and running practices and recruiting, tasks that are also known, collectively, as “coaching.”
I don’t know how to put this delicately for Nittany Lion fans, but: Joe Paterno’s going to die. Like, soon. Probably not in the next hour, and maybe not before the Rose Bowl, but a three-year contract is definitely optimistic. If I sold life insurance there’s no chance I’d give him a policy that long.
As seen most everywhere by now, here’s 49ers interim coach Mike Singletary showing his displeasure with the team (and especially tight end Vernon Davis) after yesterday’s blowout at the hands of the Seahawks [Ed. note: HOORAY!]. This was after he’d benched Davis, then sent him to the locker room, then apologized to the fans as he left the field, then rejected Davis’s apology. I kinda get the feeling that Singletary really cares about having the right attitude. It might not motivate a team as effectively as wearing a suit like Mike Nolan, but the Niners are desperate enough to try anything.
After the jump, second place for Angry NFL Coach of the Week goes to Jim Zorn.
You’ve seen all these locker room meltdowns and press conference explosions before, but rarely in one place all at once and almost certainly not so well-edited. Frankly, athletes and coaches have a long way to go before they reach what I consider to be peak anger levels. Is it really so much to ask for Bill Parcells to lose his mind and threaten a reporter with ocular intercourse? It’s a simple request, really. More skullfücking. It’s like the old adage says, “Skullfücking is the spice of life.”
Why the umlaut? Because umlauts are the spice of skullfücking.
[via Hot Clicks]
What Happens in Vegas star Ashton Kutcher is now an assistant coach for the North Hollywood Harvard-Westlake freshman football team. His credentials? He’s famous.
Kutcher decided to help coach the Wolverines freshman team last week because he’s friends with its coach, Scott Wood.
The paparazzi, armed with long-range lens, were at Harvard-Westlake’s freshman game last Friday. Audrius Barzdukas, head of athletics at the school, said he has been impressed with the actor as a coach. “His sincerity and enthusiasm were refreshing,” he said.
This is the second straight day I’ve written up a story about an assistant freshman football coach. And if I had my choice between Kutcher and the guy who tried to burn down the high school, well… where are the matches? Burning to death has got to be better than The Butterfly Effect.
