In extremely important sports news to me, Cleveland.com is reporting that Cavaliers mascot “Moondog” was taken to the hospital after a good natured game of pre-game man-to-dog roughhousing got out of control and nearly cost him an eye. The injury came courtesy of Indiana Pacers forward David West, so of course when I read “Cavs mascot sent to hospital by West” my first thought was that Delonte West had rolled back into the 216 on his tri-ped superbike, tore open whatever flower box he’s using to conceal his machine guns and shot the poor dog to death.

Anyway:

The club did not update his status for Sunday’s game against Orlando. It’s unclear whether the Cavs, already without Kyrie Irving and Anderson Varejao among others, will need to promote a mascot from the NBA Development League.

“He jumped at me so I thought we were playing around and then the next thing I know he went down,” West told reporters after the game. “It was definitely an accident.”

Moondog was spotted running through the hall, his dog head removed, clutching a towel to his eye. The mascot occasionally has fun sparring with opposing players before the game or during a timeout. Moondog and West exchanged some playful punches and apparently one caught him hard enough to do damage.

Also of note is the adorable follow-up, with West feeling increasingly guilty as he’s asked about it and asking people to “make sure he knows [he's] sorry”. I wouldn’t know how to feel if I encountered an anthropomorphic basketball playing dogman and accidentally blinded him. Pretty sure Dave just violated the Prime Directive.

In a related story, Jeff Pendergraph took a wrong turn in his van and manslaughtered Lake County Captains mascot Skipper.

With a surprising and respectable 10-16 record, things aren’t completely terrible for the Cleveland Cavaliers. After all, they could be the Charlotte Bobcats, New Orleans Hornets, Washington Wizards, New Jersey Nets, Detroit Pistons, Toronto Raptors or Sacramento Kings. But with a young team and plenty of potential, raw talent, at least the Cavs still have a good sense of humor.

Last night, Kyrie Irving and some of his teammates treated fans to a very special Valentine’s Day video, as they sang “Our Fans” to the tune of “My Girl.” I can’t decide which of Irving’s teammates made me laugh the hardest between Tristan Thompson’s expressions and Samardo Samuels’ horrific effort. But I’d kill to have Semih Erden on my team, just so he could record a different video for every home game. He’s almost good enough to make the hurt of being terrible subside.

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"Just kidding!"

File this story under “Throwing poop at a wall” and cross-reference it with “Duhhhhhhhh”.

Back when LeBron James told Jim Gray in an exclusive one-hour special on ESPN known as “The Decision” that he was “taking his talents to South Beach”, there was a small side conversation that a few sports talking heads had – I don’t remember who and I haven’t had enough coffee to check, but I agreed with whoever it was so whatevs – about the possibility of James returning to the Cleveland Cavaliers after his contract with the Miami heat was up and he’d won not one, not two, not three, etc. championships.

Fast forward to what is either a really slow news day or the most incredible inside scoop since Maverick Carter called Stephen A. Smith and told him James was going to Miami. Sam Amico of Fox Sports Ohio (via our comrade at Larry Brown Sports) claims that “sources” say that James is unhappy with the Heat organization. Stop me if you’ve heard this one before…

Sources in Miami say that while James still thoroughly enjoys playing alongside fellow stars Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh, he doesn’t particularly care for the heavy-handed and disciplined style of team president Pat Riley.

James can opt out of his contract at the end of the 2013-14 season, and speculation is he will strongly consider it if Riley remains in his current role. And the team James would be eyeballing most in free agency, say those close to the situation, would be the Cavs.

If this happens – IF! – I can’t even imagine the criticism James will receive. It would blow the post-decision hatred and all of last season’s booing out of the water. Sure, the fans in Cleveland would probably forgive him in 1/10th of a heartbeat if he came crawling back, but Heat fans, Los Angeles Lakers fans, Boston Celtics fans and New York Knicks fans would DESTROY HIM.

Granted, this is two years from now, and he’s probably going to win a title or two before this matters, which would render all of that hate moot. So again this speculation is probably just pot-stirring. But it’s worth pointing out that writers are trying to get in on the ground floor of the “LeBron will return to Cleveland” prediction, but it’s way too obvious. Anybody who brags about that might as well join John Edwards in “predicting” that Khloe Kardashian will get knocked up this year. So bold, fellas.

Yesterday, the Wall Street Journal examined the NBA lockout from the “well, what the hell are they gonna do without jobs and money?” perspective, and I was pretty excited because I don’t think enough media outlets are asking that important question. A lot of the players don’t have the money to keep living in the manner which they’ve grown accustomed to, and too many of them don’t have the educational background to shift gears and find another job. And it’s not like any of them can make the jump to commentating.

So what are the league’s popular personalities up to? Well, Michael Beasley has been practicing ballet as his teammate Kevin Love has been playing beach volleyball. We already know that Delonte West is working at a furniture store – and how that hasn’t translated to a reality show is baffling me – while journeyman letdown Drew Gooden is purchasing multiple Wingstop franchises. Wingstop boasts that is has “taken chicken wings to a whole new level,” which I assume means that you eat them out of a woman’s cleavage, because otherwise a chicken wing is a chicken wing. But I digress.

The story focused on Cleveland Cavaliers eventual tradee Baron Davis, who says that us average American males are embarrassing him, because we just don’t know how to dress, and he’s telling us that in his new documentary film, American Schlub. Finally, someone other than my mom wants to lay my outfit out.

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Since the NBA lockout began on July 1, there has been a lot of finger pointing by the various sides involved in this embarrassing mess. The players blame the owners. The owners blame the players. The agents blame the owners. The owners blame the agents. The fans blame the players. The fans blame the owners. The fans blame the agents. And I blame the beer vendors, because they always expect to keep my change.

ESPN blowhard and Miami Herald columnist Dan Le Batard has other ideas, though. It’s not as simple as the owners and players disagreeing over 3% of the Basketball Related Income and the length of mid-level contracts. No, this lockout is all about how much Dan Gilbert hates LeBron James.

If you think the hawkish Gilbert wouldn’t try to throw away an entire season out of pure spite for James, you didn’t read his crazy-crayon letter in a rare moment of raw, rabid public honesty from an owner — a temper tantrum unlike any in the history of an American sports ownership that includes George Steinbrenner. And you didn’t notice how small he could behave by having his Fathead company price the James poster at $17.41 — the year of Benedict Arnold’s birth. And you don’t know how petty rich people can be when playing this kind of negotiating game of ego and power, emotion trampling logic just like when a divorcing wealthy couple spends $100,000 in attorney fees arguing over a thousand dollars in China.

That’s a pretty bold accusation, to imply that one guy is leading one faction of owners against another simply to spite the man who crushed a franchise’s fan base on national TV. Haha, just kidding, I’m totally buying this. Gilbert is absolutely the kind of guy who would do anything he could to get revenge on James, since he can’t live up to his promise to his team’s fans by putting together a championship team.

For instance, Gilbert, who owns Fathead, sold the James wall decals for $17.41 because James was a “traitor” and took money out of Gilbert’s pocket. Sure, Gilbert has no problem selling James’ Fatheads for $100 and capitalizing on him once again, but this lockout is personal… is what Gilbert will tell his former team employees as they ask him for spare change.

"RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE COMIC SANS!"

Yesterday, NBA Players Union President Derek Fisher finally took a major step forward in not only the public relations war but in the general process of ending the NBA Lockout. Fisher wrote and sent a letter to every player – and of course someone passed it along to Sports Illustrated’s Sam Amick – and the letter basically declared that two parties were to blame for the lack of progress in solving this whole mess – the owners and agents. Cue the dramatic chipmunk.

Fisher’s letter explained that there was a huge, unmentioned rift among the owners and that was the reason that they couldn’t establish a jumping off point in solving the collective bargaining agreement. The players then spent most of the day meeting in Las Vegas, after the owners had their most recent meeting on Tuesday. Now it is being reported that the owners rift is real and that we can thank Phoenix Suns owner Robert Sarver and Cleveland Cavaliers owner Dan Gilbert for everything.

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