Editor’s Note: This interview appears in the June issue of aXis Magazine, which is dedicated to Orlando’s culture, nightlife, sports, music, drinking, ladies, etc. and so on, which means that it was focused on the idea of Ben McLemore being drafted by the Orlando Magic later this month. But I tried to make it as NBA-centric as possible so I could share it here and not make people all angry about my horrible bias. So please enjoy.

On June 27, the Cleveland Cavaliers are presumably going to select University of Kentucky freshman Nerlens Noel with the first pick of the 2013 NBA Draft. Obviously, nothing in life is certain except for death, taxes and Kate Upton restraining orders against me, so the Cavs could take good, long looks at Alex Len, Ben McLemore or Otto Porter and decide that one of them is more in line with helping Cleveland move closer to fulfilling owner Dan Gilbert’s promise to win an NBA Championship before LeBron James. *looks around awkwardly*

Meanwhile, the Orlando Magic will be waiting with the No. 2 pick – unless they trade down, which would be fun – and it is predicted that either McLemore or Michigan guard Trey Burke will be selected there. Some people believe that McLemore is not only the most underrated gem of this year’s draft, but also maybe even the guy who deserves to be taken first. So when I was asked if I’d like to speak to him about why he believes he’d be a great fit with not only the Magic but also the City Beautiful, I said yes and put on my top hat and monocle so I’d look important.

It was a phone interview, mind you, but I still like to dress the part. McLemore was quick to win me over, as he’d done his homework on the Magic and chatted with me about his hopes for the NBA, how he’ll keep the groupies in check and what he thinks of our mutual favorite baseball team, the St. Louis Cardinals.

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Earlier today I posted a list of the 5 things you should see from last night’s NBA Eastern Conference Finals Game 7 between the Miami Heat and the Indiana Pacers. Taiwan’s Next Media Animation did something similar … only the stuff they saw only exists in their batshit brains.

Highlights from Taiwan animation’s Game 7 recap include Dwyane Wade’s leg snapping off at the knee and gushing blood, Chris Bosh discovering that he is a ghost, Roy Hibbert’s memory operating like somebody’s Vine and a Cleveland Cavaliers LeBron James doppelgänger laying waste to his Miami Heat counterpart. It’s weird, but that’s to be expected. Taiwan’s also really into this thing now where they make basketball players look like NBA Jam characters instead of interchangeable mannequins, which I enjoy.

Video is after the jump. I would consider it a prerequisite to watching the NBA Finals. You know Taiwan’s already working on 50 different ways to say Tim Duncan is old.

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Goodness, Cleveland. Have you no pride? The Cleveland Cavaliers were up as many as 27 points against the unstoppable Miami Heat in the Quicken Loans Arena last night, before they eventually rolled over and died. The Heat won their 24th consecutive game – nine games shy of the NBA record set by the 1971-72 World Champion Los Angeles Lakers – as they ripped off a 45-14 run to overcome the deficit for a 98-95 victory and allow LeBron James to once again make the Cavs look foolish.

And it could have ended there, with the Cavs and their miserable fans once again burning James’ jerseys in the streets, but one fan dared to do what no one before him ever imagined – he begged James to come back to Cleveland. Wearing a homemade shirt that read, “2014 Come Home”, a fan sprinted on to the court during last night’s game, asking the once-King of Akron to consider opting out of his contract next season, coming back and fulfilling a promise of winning a title in the saddest sports town in America.

Good luck with that.

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Ladies and gentlemen, it’s the return of the Wednesday Dunk Battle, the Internet’s only democratic, scientific determination of slam dunk effectiveness in relation to its peers!

If you’ve never participated in a Wednesday Dunk Battle, now’s the time to start. All you have to do is watch four slam dunk videos (the best kind of videos, fact) and decide which dunk is the most slam-dunkingest in the included poll. The winner will receive two prizes: (1) great admiration from the readership of a comedy sports blog, (2) a continued life of being a millionaire.

This week’s dunks are:

1. Kevin Durant dunking on the Los Angeles Clippers so hard their families felt it
2. Last Thursday’s LeBron James effort that made Kobe Bryant’s face do this emoticon – :O
3. Damian Lillard turning Nene from the Washington Wizards into Nene from the Real Housewives
4. Alonzo Gee making Kevin Garnett something something Honey Nut Cheerios

Please watch each clip carefully, then vote!

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Get ready for the analytical insight that brought you to a comedy sports blog for your opinions: Cleveland Cavaliers guard Kyrie Irving is really good at basketball.

The real question (because otherwise I won’t have much of a blog post) is whether or not the Fictional Kyrie Irving is better than the real one. Take, for example, the comparison of real and fictional Shawn Bradley. In fiction, he once had his “basketball playing ability” stolen by some aliens. In real life, he never had any basketball playing ability. Clearly, the fictional one is better.

Kyrie helped us out this week by providing two key examples, one from each side of the argument. Representing Fictional Kyrie Irving is ‘Foot Locker Week of Greatness ft Kyrie Irving: 60,’ a commercial where he dunks in slow motion and has time to do everything from gargle mouthwash to read a book and clip his fingernails. Representing Non-Fiction Kyrie Irving is a clip of him dropping a ridiculous behind-the-back bounce pass assist to Anderson Varejao. I can’t decide which one I like more, so I’m leaving it up to you.

Both contestants are below.

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A man who served as translator for Osama Bin Laden, one of the most notorious terrorists in the history of the world and possibly beyond, wrote in a letter that there was indeed one event that he believed to be worse than the attacks of 9/11. That event? The Decision.

With perhaps the best headline of the year – “Former translator for terror leader Osama bin Laden wants LeBron James to apologize to Cleveland” – NewsNet5 reports:

In a declassified letter to the Washington Times, Muhammad Rahim wrote, “Lebron James is a very bad man. He should apologize to the city of Cleveland.”

The Post got the letter from Carlos Warner, a lawyer representing Rahim. According to the paper’s column, Warner said Rahim’s sentiments made about James leaving the Cavs are because of his client’s tribal values, in which loyalty is most important and “betrayals are not tolerated or forgiven.”

A lot has changed since the Decision – including Dwight Howard blowing James away in the total a-hole department – but I’d say we’ve finally reached the apex of absurdity when it comes to just how seriously people took it, no matter how hilarious this story is.

And it gets better. Rahim, who is currently living it up at the posh and swanky Guantanamo Bay resort, also wrote that he was jealous of another “resident” of Gitmo for having a cat. So Rahim wanted a cat, too. Sadly, that cat also turned out to be a terrorist and it was handled accordingly…

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