There have been a lot of videos that exemplified the Cleveland experience — the “Factory Of Sadness” and hastily-made tourism videos among them — but none quite so beautifully as this one. In it, quote, “Dude sticks his head in a 5 gallon bucket of piss for $450″.

Barry over at Deadspin provides further analysis:

We were tempted to call this scene a microcosm for the Browns’ year, but then the Browns went and won the Battle of Ohio. But you know what? Phil won too. He won $450, and now some internet fame. So we’re confident in saying this: a man sticking his head in a bucket of piss, then getting paid for it, is absolutely the Browns’ 2012 season.

Also providing analysis is YouTube user “DJA216,” who gets to the heart of the matter:

I keep going back and forth on whether I think Piss Bucket Phil is smart or stupid for dunking his head in a group of peoples’ bodily waste for money, because on one hand he’s earning almost $500 for less than a second of work, but on the other, holy shit dude, how did your life end up here? All of the moments, triumphs and mistakes of your life have led you here, to a video of you bobbing for turds on the Internet.

Sorry, Cleveland. One day you’ll have something better to show American than this.

UPDATE: Here’s a clearer video. You know, uh, if you wanted to watch it.

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Well, all of our complaining and cursing did it… just kidding. The NFL owners and Roger Goodell did it – they got the referees to agree to a new deal and come back to work for Thursday Night Football. It had nothing to do with ESPN announcers going nuts on Monday Night Football (something the network, of course, boldly proclaimed was the reason for the new deal) or TJ Lang’s Tweets blowing up or even the NFL offices receiving 70,000 phone calls from livid fans in the hours after the Seattle Seahawks may have been handed a win they didn’t deserve.

Nope, it was those brave owners and the hard-working commissioner who stuck it out and did what was in the best interest of their sport. They made sure that the refs didn’t get the few million dollars they were asking for from the league’s $10 billion in annual revenue. And even if the refs didn’t agree, those replacement fellas weren’t bad at all. Either way, make sure you thank your team’s owner when you see him or her. Just don’t touch him, you pathetic, lowly scum.

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As I perused the sports news this morning, I noticed a few things. For starters, a bunch of running backs had awesome games, which sucks for a guy like me who wants to sell high on Kevin Smith and Alfred Morris. Second, Jon Hamm is still my favorite St. Louis Cardinals fan and he’s packing heat. Third, Rihanna apparently performed at the closing ceremony of the 2012 Paralympics in London and she got a massive tattoo under her boobies. Needless to say, a lot of stuff happened.

But my two favorite moments of NFL Sunday came as a result of someone else’s misfortune, and if there’s one thing that I’ve learned from my friends with kids, it’s that I love watching people fall down or be humiliated. In the case of Cleveland Browns quarterback Brandon Weeden, well, he probably wishes that he stayed in bed yesterday.

As you can see in the above GIF (via) and the video below, the rookie QB got off to a rough start during the pregame ceremony as Weeden was almost trampled by soldiers carrying the giant American flag across the field.

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Two weeks ago, the NFL announced that it had signed some pretty heavy hitters to endorse a new line of fan gear for women, and while it’s not as awesome as when the league did this, it’s still a hell of a statement. Based on the fact that women comprise nearly half of pro football’s fan base, the NFL has brought in some powerful female figures to introduce Jane Everywoman to the “It’s My Team” gear, and the first images hit the webs today.

Among those powerful women are Miami Dolphins 1% owner Serena Williams and former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, who is repping her Cleveland Browns gear. Obviously she’s not a Buffalo Bills fan because Jack Donaghy eventually owns them, and he plays the flute, which is worse than the piano. Sports!

“Forty-five percent of fans are female and that continues to grow,” says Tracey Bleczinski, vice president of NFL consumer products. “We do have something for everyone, and this campaign aims to communicate that if you are living and wearing football, you can do it every day, year-round.”

Meanwhile, New York Jets owner Woody Johnson’s wife, Suzanne, is appearing in the ads and she wants women to understand it’s about infusing fashion with a lady’s gameday attire, so she can look good when the New York crowd starts chanting, “Show your t*ts!”

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If you’re a fan of the Cleveland Browns (cough), you were probably happy when the team traded up in April to select Trent Richardson, the University of Alabama running back who led the team to a national championship and kinda looks like Robert Griffin III had a man-baby with Benedict Cumberbatch.

If you’ve been a fan of the Browns for more than seven months, you started waiting for the other foot to drop, citing LITERALLY EVERY OTHER DRAFT EVER as an example of Cleveland’s terrible, terrible luck. You remember Courtney Brown’s leg, William Green’s back wounds, Kellen Winslow’s motorcycle and Phil Taylor’s pec. You remember everything about Tim Couch other than Heather Kozar.

Anyway, I have good news and bad news. The good news is that you don’t have to wait very long for that other foot. The bad news is … well, you’re a Browns fan, you’ll figure it out.

The team issued a one-sentence statement Wednesday saying that the running back, picked No. 3 overall in April’s draft, will see a specialist on Thursday.

The statement says: “Trent Richardson is traveling to Pensacola, Fla., where he will have his left knee further evaluated by Dr. James Andrews tomorrow.” (via ESPN)

Or, “ESPN issued a two-sentence statement on Thursday recapping Wednesday’s announcement that Trent Richardson’s knee doesn’t work and you’re shit out of luck”.

So what do you think? Is this a temporary setback for a man with a bright NFL future, or another example of Cleveland being one of two U.S. cities built over a Hellmouth? More importantly, will he ever be able to break a dude’s ankles like this again?

"And when you're 18, I'll show you another way to make money on the Internet."

Boy oh boy, it sure is getting hot outside now that summer is here. That means it’s time to wear lighter, more revealing clothes, and it’s also a chance to spruce up your homes in case you decide to have the gang over for BBQ and a game of cornhole. You should also try that beanbag game.

Thankfully, you lucky consumers have me and my awesome Etsy searching skills to not only find you the hippest athletic gear to wear to the parks and/or strip clubs (bike shorts, fellas) but also to help appease your sports interior design bug with homemade decorations for your favorite teams. This week, it’s less about athletes and more about you and your humble abode. Oh, and also my love of breasts.

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