South Carolina cornerback Victor Hampton posted the above image to his Instagram account, and in case you don’t get it, that’s a giant Clemson Tigers orange paw print that some dastardly rascal spray painted on the field. To make matters worse, the very same scoundrel also sprayed “Go Tigers” on one of the Cockabooses next to the field, and when I finished laughing at that word, I was just as outraged as every Tom, Dick and SWAGGY Steve on that gorgeous campus in Columbia.

Fortunately, I have watched a few episodes of CSI in my day, and I fancy myself a bit of a sleuth when it comes to matters of the prankish persuasion, and not only have I already solved this crime using my alter ego, Sheriff BRO, but I will reveal the perpetrator to the entire world right now.

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Last week, I introduced my new favorite feature, Faces of Misery, to the delight of the trillions of people who read this website (seriously, we’re HUGE in Botswana). The problem, though, is that when I first wrote it, I couldn’t help but think, “God, my abs are shredded, and isn’t that name a little unoriginal?” and yes, it was. So I’m currently shopping around for a new name for it and will be trying them out over the next few weeks. Today’s title comes courtesy of Vince, who told me that this is the best thing he has ever thought of ever. So until I think of anything better, we’ll go with Fresh Batch of Frownies, because I like food, or maybe “Pictures of Sad People”.

I also like when people get really upset when they lose, and we witnessed plenty of that this week. Unfortunately, the game that I and my screen-grabbing cohort, Mr. Paradigm Shift of the Throw the Flag blog, was the Clemson Tigers at Florida State, and for some unknown reason, ABC’s camera guys don’t share my joy of showing miserable fans.

After Clemson carried a lead for the majority of the game, FSU suddenly pulled the “LOL JK” card in the second half and scored 35 points to defeat the Tigers 49-37, and I’m attributing FSU’s success this season to my new friendship with Burt Reynolds. One person who didn’t like that very much was Clemson’s coach Dabo Sweeney, who has my favorite coach name this side of Houston Nutt. Outside of Clemson’s misery, though, we also ran across some depressed fans in Arkansas, Arizona and Iowa. Poor, poor Iowa fans.

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Having lived in “upstate” South Carolina for the better part of four years, I had a first-hand look at watching Clemson’s fans work themselves up into a frenzy throughout the summer with their national championship hopes, only to watch Tommy Bowden’s team botch the first big conference game on their schedule and send their devoted congregation into an emotional tailspin.

While counting the Tigers out this season seems a bit premature with Dabo Swinney in his first full season as head coach, this Clemson fan, who kinda loses his shiat, certainly didn’t enjoy the team’s loss to Georgia Tech. But the ESPN crew did, as you can hear Chris Fowler and Jesse Palmer rip the poor guy to shreds, which seems a bit unfair. The passion of fans like this guy is the reason those guys have jobs watching football in the first place. But if I hadn’t been privy to this exact same scene since 2005, I’d probably be laughing, too. as seen here.

Tommy Bowden is a blessed man. Born with one of the golden names in college football, Bowdenrose quickly through the coaching ranks, landing at Clemson with only two years of head coaching experience. That pedigree was on display last Saturday night when Bowden’s Tigers took on Alabama, only to be molested like a Japanese teen using public transportation. Reeling from defeat, Bowden sought advice from a most unusual place–his vanquisher, Alabama coach Nick Saban.

“As I talked to coach Saban, I said, ‘I’m not one to have enough pride where I’ve got all the answers. I see you got six months to study me, a guy like you, what did you see?” Bowden said Tuesday.

Saban wasn’t the only high-profile coach Bowden called on this week. He said he also spoke with his father, Florida State coach Bobby Bowden; Georgia coach Mark Richt and Virginia Tech coach Frank Beamer about how the Tigers would recover from the beatdown at the Georgia Dome.

“I’m always trying to learn and correct mistakes and solve potential problems,” he said.

And I’m sure that Richt and Saban picked Tommy’s brain as well. Those discussion topics would have included how Bowden gets his teams rated so high every year, only to have them plummet out of contention like clockwork. Don’t sell yourself short, Tommy! It usually takes us until mid-October to remember what a horrible game-day coach you are. You’re like six weeks ahead of schedule! Let’s go celebrate at TD’s. You know it’s meatloaf day today. Mmmmm, meatloaf with failure sauce. Just thinking about it makes me want to underachieve right now.

[FanNation]

Clemson football coach Tommy Bowden put together one of the school's best recruiting classes in ages this year, a commendable feat considering most top prospects in the South gravitate towards the SEC.

Oh hey, what's this?  Why, it's four-star offensive line recruit Ken Page wearing a Clemson-orange shirt, holding a stack of fresh twenties that would make Lorraine Bracco's character in Goodfellas blush. 

But I'm sure there's nothing fishy here.  High school seniors usually carry around a couple extra thousand dollars in cash.  Especially since that Bear Stearns buyout.  Kids these days — they just don't trust banks like us adults!  Am I right?

[More details at Brahsome]

Former South Carolina and Clemson stars have been caught in the mess that is BurnLounge, an online music store that is being sued by the Federal Trade Commission for being a pyramid scheme. Among the people smeared by the story are Steve Spurrier's son, the aptly named Steve Spurrier, Jr.

“When Bob Stoops got me, he said, ‘I’ve spoken to a lawyer about this. I’ve spoken to my agent. I’ve spoken to some people to find out if this is a legitimate thing. And everything they told me, this is a legitimate (business). Put your name on it and go do it,’” said Spurrier Jr., a member of Stoops’ Sooners staff from 1999 to 2001.

Man, I wonder if newspaper editors south of the Mason-Dixon have a pre-cooked "Southerners Fooled by Pyramid Scheme" story that they can run at a moment's notice.  Just change out the names every week — Britney Montclair, Robert E. Lee Johnson IV, Steve Spurrier, Jr — and they're all set.

I feel bad for my Southern readers.  I don't mean to disparage your beautiful part of the country.  Your football is excellent and your cheerleaders are divine.  It's just the 90% of the South that are retards make the sharp 10% look really bad.  Or is it 95/5?  I'm behind on my Census report on retardation.