Ashton Kutcher is making a football movie called Traded, a soon-to-be huge piece of shit. From some Hollywood trade paper:

Ashton Kutcher is looking to tackle a football comedy for Paramount Pictures.

Thesp is in final negotiations to star in the sports-themed pic “Traded,” which had been developed at DreamWorks but became the property of Par following DreamWorks’ exit in the fall.

Storycenters on a superstar NFL quarterback and a 12-year-old middle school geek who magically trade bodies, then quickly learn valuable lessons about humility and courage.

Humility and courage. I bet Ashton could get quite a lesson in those virtues from a 12-year-old. And his girlfriend is old! That’s hilarious. He’s a total douchebag that probably snorted meth out of the ass of that dog in that picture. Other than that he’s a great guy.

UPDATE: FilmDrunk did a post on this earlier in the day, with a banner image that’s worth seeing.

[via Sports Pros(e)]

Movie “star” Kevin Costner is part of an ownership group that will establish a new independent league team (unaffiliated with MLB and the minor leagues) in Zion, Illinois, near the Wisconsin border.

The team will be part of the Northern League in 2010. Officials didn’t announce the team’s name or the location of the new 8,000-seat stadium in Lake County.

BUT WHAT ABOUT THE CROPS???  THEY’LL LOSE THE FARM FOR SURE!!!

Costner says Zion is the ideal spot because of its “quaint and affordable setting.” State officials say the project will bring 300 jobs to the community of 25,000.

Great.  Can’t wait for the promo campaigns.  A baseball player stands in an empty stadium with another man, awestruck by his surroundings. “Is this heaven?”  “No, are you retarded?”

“I’ve got two balloons of black tar inside this little guy”

All aboard the express train to Awesometown, because Mickey Rourke is going to wrestle at Wrestlemania XXV in Houston on April 2nd.

“The boys from the WWE called me and asked me to do it,” Rourke told Access Hollywood. “I said, ‘I want to.’ I’m talking with [WWE legend] Rowdy Roddy Piper about it.” [...]

And when he does jump into the ring with WWE, it appears the actor may already have his sights set on an opponent. “Chris Jericho, you better get in shape,” Rourke added. “Because I’m coming after your a**.”

It remains unclear whether he’ll be wrestling in character as Randy “The Ram” Robinson from his acclaimed performance in the title role of “The Wrestler,” or whether he’ll be in character as Mickey Rourke, Guy Who Pets Chihuahuas on the Red Carpet.  Please let it be chihuahuas please let it be chihuahuas please let it be chihuahuas…

Today in Japanese sports cinema: Oppai Volleyball will star Haruka Ayase (pictured, plus bonus gallery below the trailer) as a high school teacher who takes over the school’s hapless volleyball team.  Twitch describes the key plot device:

She does what she can to get you and your teammates producing results but nothing seems to work until, finally, in desperation, she one day plays her hidden ace.  If you and your teammates can get it together and win the upcoming tournament she will show you her breasts.  Will it work?

I have to assume that that’s a rhetorical question.  That would be the easiest volleyball tournament victory ever.  With a promise like that, she should really ask for a lot more from her students.  “Okay, by the end of the week I want a perpetual motion machine and the secrets to cold fusion unlocked.”  The kids would get that shit done by Wednesday.

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In yesterday afternoon’s hottest blog news, Buccaneers defensive end Greg White officially changed his name to Stylez G. White, thus relegating Chad Ocho Cinco’s exercise in Spanglish to second place on the year-end list of great NFL name changes.  What was White’s reasoning?

“You can always remember Stylez White,” White said. “Greg White, nobody knows Greg White.”

Even better, the inspiration came from the Teen Wolf character Rupert “Stiles” Stilinski.

“That was his best friend’s name,’’ White said. “I always liked that name. It’s not that I don’t like Greg White.’’

I don’t know how I feel about this.  The decision to name yourself after a character from a Michael J. Fox movie just seems kinda… shaky.  What?  Did I say something wrong?                                    [via The Sporting Blog]
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Are you a die-hard fan who likes to show off that he idolizes another man by wearing a pro athlete’s replica jersey?  Are you constantly disappointed that some women will still accidentally make eye contact with you when you wear the jersey?  Well, good news!  Now you can get Star Wars-themed sports jerseys!

Fans are sure to be impressed with the quality and attention to detail [and gayness - Ed.] Drew Pearson has lavished on their latest Star Wars sports accessory. Made of pique mesh, the “flaming Vader” graphics are embroidered twill appliqués in the classic red and black Sith colors. Both sleeves feature “Sith League” appliqués as well, set off by metal studs.

Oh good.  People who idolize the Star Wars franchise are known sports enthusiasts, renowned for their love of going outdoors and participating in team athletics.  Why, you can’t go three feet at Comic-Con without bumping into a star high school quarterback dressed like a Wookie.  **Sigh** Girls are such suckers for guys with The Force.

[Basketbawful via Fan IQ]