Throughout my formative drinking years, I was never much of a chugger. While the other bros were out back shotgunning Keystone cans, I was standing in the corner, ashamed of my inability to binge drink effectively, always blaming it on my deviated septum. So you can imagine how my shame has resurfaced as I watch this video of a girl who can supposedly chug beer through her ear.

As an expert of human language and placing dialect, I can tell that this young lady is not from America. After that, you’re guess is as good as mine as far as whether or not this is humanly possible or if she is just a fake. But why the hell would someone pretend to be someone they’re not on the Internet?

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Related in context, but still my favorite picture ever taken.

The best part about just f*cking around and starting this Spring Break series to entertain my own ridiculous thoughts, and a few other people, is that people have been sending me videos, with each one being better than the next. This week’s installment asks the important question – who says Spring Break is only for kids?

Mable was excited to be flying to Orlando to see her family for a week at Disney’s Magic Kingdom, because ever since she lost her beloved Herb, she’d been pretty bored at the senior living community in Boca Raton. To be clear, Herb didn’t die, she just lost him at a Wal-Mart, and after several hours she just gave up. Besides, there are plenty of single men at Fogey Pines, and if she could deal with Herb’s gonorrhea, then she could deal with anything. And hell, maybe she’d even meet a man when her family eventually leaves her behind at the Tea Cups.

First thing’s first, though, Mable had to get on a plane, and boy did she hate flying.

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Justin Smoak popped a fly ball into a fan’s beer during Wednesday’s Mariners game, so the fan did what anyone would — he chugged the beer. Or he poured it all over himself, one or the other. Regardless, those 16 fans at Safeco got a memory they’ll never forget! (via SportsBeat)

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Links

The Toughest Coachella 2013 Set Time Conflicts (And Which Bands You Should Choose To See) |UPROXX|

Here Is A Picture Of Timothy Olyphant As A USC Swimmer In The Early 90s |Warming Glow|

Australia’s Karl Stefanovic interviewed Arnold and it was delightful |Film Drunk|

Boise State Is Tearing Down Buildings To Build A Quidditch Field |With Leather|

Funny, Sexy, And Awesome Cosplay Of The Week |Gamma Squad|

10 Instances of Francia Raisa Looking Gloriously Thick |Smoking Section|

RGIII Claims This Pile Of Cowboys Helmets For Washington |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

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Nick Symmonds: Bro.

I have a ton of respect for America’s Olympic athletes, from the young ladies of the Fierce 5 to the members of the Men’s Basketball Team (yes, even LeBron James) and even for a stuttering human meatloaf like Ryan Lochte. But it’s time for Lochte to step his game up, because there’s a new, bolder bro in town and his name is Nick Symmonds.

While Lochte’s been off filming stints on 90210 and frolicking with Prince Harry’s ginger B-hole in Las Vegas pools, Symmonds has kept his training going strong beyond the Olympics. Not content with his 5th place finish (a personal best) in the 800m race at the 2012 Summer Games, Symmonds has taken his competitive nature to new heights, as he recently competed for the world record in the legendary Beer Mile.

The point of the beer mile is to chug one beer before running each lap on a ¼ mile track, which sounds awesome because I’m really good at that chugging beer part. Unfortunately, I suck at the running part. Symmonds, on the other hand is awesome at both, and he trained for his recent record attempt in the worst possible fashion.

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