People are stupid. That’s obviously a running theme around here, but the thing is that celebrities know that people are stupid. Even stupid celebrities know that people are stupid, because that’s how those morons are even famous in the first place. Fortunately for those stupid celebrities, they’re surrounded by people who want to make money off of them, and they’re smart enough to understand the 15 Minutes concept. And that’s the reason why the greatest 14:59 marketing push has always been the celebrity exercise video.

Celebrities are usually in great shape because they have teams of trainers and dieticians that help them around the clock, because if Kim Kardashian didn’t have people helping her, she’d be more ass than a donkey farm. Marketing teams, though, know that they can capitalize off of the public’s stupidity by letting us believe that celebrities just have some inside knowledge on what it takes to keep it tight. They don’t. But that won’t stop them from profiting.

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It’s Cyber Monday, everybody, and you know what that means! /unzips pants

Links

International Object Podcast S2E2: Brandon Stroud - I can’t stop casting pods! Listen to me talk excitedly for nearly two hours, because I don’t get enough of a chance to do this sort of thing. A great conversation about terrible things. [International Object]

NBA Lockout Laboratory: Is Being Tall The Only Thing That Matters In Basketball? - Hilarious. Jon on a video blog is the best, but he should be dressed like he’s going to work at Radio Shack at all times. [SB Nation]

Women Be Tramplin’: The Most Insane Black Friday Moments You Will Ever See - You know how I spent my Black Friday? Hanging out at home, not being trampled to death, then going out at 9 at night and buying two seasons of ‘Roseanne’ from Target for 4 dollars. [UPROXX]

Ten Skits That Prove ‘The Muppet Show’ Was For Adults More Than Kids - Alternate title, “ten skits that prove ‘The Muppet Show’ was better than most other shows”. Johnny Cash/Rowlf and Time In A Bottle are two of my very favorites. [Warming Glow]

A Compendium of Cool Comics Cosplay: November 25th - With a title like this I’d hoped they’d be cosplaying as pilgrims and Indians, but whatever. Discussion point: cosplay stops being cool or sexy when you get professionally taken photos of it. [Gamma Squad]

“Streets Of Music” – Review Of 9th Wonder’s The Wonder Years - Not what I thought it was going to be. [Smoking Section]

Alternate Posters for the Expendables - Internet jokes aside, Chuck Norris makes me feel really uncomfortable. The way he says WHAT’S YOUR GAME?? in the Warcraft commercial like I’m a goddamn terrorist and he’s still Firewalker is the worst. [Film Drunk]

10 Awesome Vintage Tattoo Parlors From Around The World - Very cool. Maybe I should go to one of these to get my Ultros from Final Fantasy VI tattoo. [Buzzfeed]

The 10 Worst Rock Tattoos - Awwww, Starland Vocal Band? They suck! [The FW]

The Biggest And Most Ridiculous Celebrity Hair Of The 80s. What Were They Thinking? - Uh, that having your hair like this in the 80s is a great way to get ladies to sleep with you in the 80s? [FARK]

25 Things You Didn’t Know About ‘Network’ - If Moviefone wants to turn IMDB trivia pages into articles they need to get cracking, there’s a great thing about Tom Selleck as Indiana Jones just DYING to be common knowledge. [Moviefone]

The Jon Hamm Problem: You Can’t Be Handsome And Funny. Pick One. - At first I was like, “well, at least now I know why I’m not handsome”. Then I wondered, “what if I AM? Oh god I’m not funny” and then I jumped out of a window. [Pajiba]

CagePotato Tribute: The Failure To Intimidate - I’m going to parody this and talk about the failure to Elimidate. Worth it for the Gina Carano On The Scales photo. [Cage Potato]