Here’s Chuck “Iceman” Liddell’s entrance to the octagon for UFC 43, and even if Liddell actually wins Dancing With The Stars this season, he’ll never be a part of anything as gay as this. Seriously, where’s the camera angle that’s actually inside that freak’s mouth? “Can you feel me?” I’m good, thanks. If I wanted to get molested by a clown, I’d go to the circus. And if that wasn’t bad enough, the entrance music is utterly unforgivable. I won’t ruin the surprise, but it starts with S and ends with “hitty.” I’m amazed MMA ever made it this far…via. Thanks, Vince.

The cast for Season 9 of Dancing With The Stars was just announced, and among the more sportish contestants were NFL Hall-of-Famer Michael Irvin, former Olympic swimmer Natalie Coughlin, mixed martial artist Chuck Liddell and pro snowboarder Louie Vito. And also, that crazy guy from Iron Chef America is on there, too. But the most Whiskey Tango Foxtrottish choice of all has to be former U.S. House of Representatives Majority Leader Tom DeLay:

How did it come about? “I know it will sound stupid, we just asked him,” Green tells EW. “We usually throw a few Hail Marys every season to people we don’t think are gonna say yes, but we think, oh, why not ask him. Occasionally, they come off. As it turns out, Tom DeLay likes to do a bit of the Two Step, he likes dancing with his wife. His daughter is a country dancing champion, I believe. He actually really enjoys dancing. via.

Damn government, always has its hands in everything, even quasi-reality shows that I could care less about, and I only qualify it that way because these has-beens do more on the show than sit in a house and think of ways to kick out the black guy. Let’s see if DeLay can avoid indictment this go-round. But wow, this show will have been on the air for nine years? I swear I haven’t been ignoring it for more than five.

Former UFC light-heavyweight champion Chuck Liddell kicked off the New Year in Cabo with MLB pitcher Brad Penny and porn star Jayden James, according to a painfully long YouTube monologue from James.  I’m gonna go ahead and venture a guess that Liddell, who last June got engaged to longtime girlfriend Erin Wilson, has moved on.  Unless his fiancee is cool with him getting close to a professional sex-haver at a Mexican resort town.  And if so, wow.  What an amazing woman.  That’s the right girl to marry for sure.

This video sent in by Becky (three parts sexy, two parts crazy — rawr!) was supposedly taken after Chuck Liddell got his ass handed to him in his UFC title match against Quinton "Rampage" Jackson.  And just look at poor Chuck.  Totally distraught.  He can barely muster the energy to make out with these two girls, leaving them to make out with each other.  It's just sad.

In other news, the last time I went to a bar, I played Scrabble. "Anecdote" on the triple word score, bitches!  And don't forget my 50-point bonus!

OK, some outfit named ZUFFA, LLC has claimed copyright infringement on on all YouTube videos of this fight, so poor bastards like me have to imaginatively reconstruct it from ringside accounts.  Here we go:  Quinton "Rampage" Jackson was booed upon entering the ring for doing a lame Junkyard Dog impression, while Chuck "Iceman" Liddell was cheered wildly by the crowd (most UFC fans are also devotees of Eugene O'Neill and love any brawler who references one of his titles).  As the rules were enunciated by the referee, Jackson asked Liddell, "Is there any way we can resolve this without coming to blows?" Liddell responded, "Your comments after our last match cut me to the quick sir, I think not!"  They exchanged a few punches before Jackson decapitated Liddell with a thunderous right hand.  As the Iceman's limp body fell to the canvas, Rampage kicked Chuck's skull around the octagon and then played hacky sack with it.  The ref stopped the fight after Jackson successfully completed an 'outside stall'. 

"I was doing my thing," said the charismatic Jackson. "The right hand landed right on the jaw, right where I planned for it to go, and it was des-ti-ny."

Rampage is so charismatic that he can make people hear hyphens!  Just like a supervillain.  In fact, I believe Rampage is a Marvel villain.  And Iceman is a Marvel superhero.  Was Stan Lee behind this match?  Remember when Iceman roomed with Spiderman and Firestar on Saturday morning cartoons?  Mmm, Firestar.  You don't need your superpower to make me hot honey.  Just don't change your hair. -KD

UPDATE: Thanks to a tip from commenter Flushing Meadows, you can watch the match here.  I still think my description of the action is more enthralling. 

“UFC Light Heavyweight Champion Chuck Liddell’s incoherent appearance on the AM TV Talk Show ‘Good Morning Texas,’ was attributed to illness commented both Liddell and his longtime trainer John Hackleman to The Fight Network this afternoon.

‘I am sick and rundown and need to get back to training,’ Liddell emailed me this afternoon. Trainer Hackleman says Liddell has a sinus infection and took the sleep medication Nyquil at 4 AM to try and get rest.”

Gah, that's just uncomfortable as all hell to watch. However, 300 is going to kick ridiculous amounts of ass, and Chuck Liddell beat the shit out of the guy who's fucking Jenna Jameson in his free time, so I think he gets a pass. Which is why you need to see the douchebag host call out Liddell after the fact.

Seriously, watch that linked video, and tell me it's a good idea to be a balding gap-toothed dipshit making fun of a man with a mohawk and a Fu Manchu. Who kicks ass for a living. I hope Liddell comes back on the show to tear that guy's heart out with his bare hand. And if he's doped up on NyQuil at the time, even better.

(From UFC Mania via SbB)