Before today, my only knowledge of shootfighting came from when Buddy Hinton picked on Cindy Brady for lisping and Peter goes into training to kick his ass.

Thankfully, lookoutawhale and Chaplin’s House have boiled down the history of Ultimate Fighting Championship to a ‘Brady Bunch’ parody theme with animated cartoon graphics and I’m finally able to provide the analytical MMA insight you expect from a mainstream sports blog. Brock Lesnar’s going to try to reason with that bully Alistair Overeem but it won’t work, so Brock’ll punch a lisp into him and send him back to WWE, right? And then Brock will sit on the cage wall and yell “BABY TALK BABY TALK IT’S A WONDER YOU CAN TALK”.

Wait, that’s still not right, is it? Ugh, fake fighting is so much easier to understand.

[via CagePotato]

Ever since the E! network allegedly paid for a 20-carat engagement ring and gave it to New Jersey Nets forward Kris Humphries to give to Kim Kardashian, it’s been a nonstop whirlwind of marriage preparation for the talentless giant ass and the guy she’ll probably leave at the altar. But of course all that preparation will focus on her ass, because why shouldn’t it?

After a recent filming of Project Runway, for which Kardashian was a special guest judge with all of her fashion expertise, host Heidi Klum went for a jog with Kardashian to help her get in wedding shape.

She is set to wed NBA player Kris Humphries later this year and has vowed to ‘slim down’ before the big day.

‘I want to really get in fab shape!’ she has said.

She has been has been hitting regularly, some times managing multiple workouts a day.

Meanwhile, the star went out of her way to prove that her curves are all natural in teh latest episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians. (Daily Mail)

(It’s a banner day for tabloid “journalism” when writers are misspelling “the”. I’m hardly Hunter S. Hemingway, but come on. The British have lost the right to question our academic system for the next 24 hours.)

You know, they say the camera adds 10 pounds, which means that bridesmaid Khloe Kardashian will be wearing something from the Barnum & Bailey collection. As for Kim, a virginal bride should traditionally wear white on her wedding day, which has limited her color selection to “burnt match”.

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Chuck Liddell told reporters at yesterday’s press conference for UFC 125 that he is officially retired from fighting and will be serving as the UFC’s new Executive VP of Business Development, which would sound a lot cooler if he were now the VP of Smashing Skulls. But the former light heavyweight champion’s retirement was a long time coming, as he’d lost 5 of his last 6 fights, which featured him losing via knockout in his last 3 contests. Still, the Iceman is an all-time badass and it’s good to see him going out with honor and respect, as opposed to insisting he can fight and then repeatedly embarrassing himself like a certain Minnesota Vikings QB that we know.

UFC President Dana White actually announced Liddell’s retirement first, as he praised his longtime friend as one of the driving forces behind the success of UFC over the past 11 years. Also a driving force? Dudes getting their asses kicked. But this is about one man, so take it away, Dana…

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These two activities are very far apart in the 'having fun' spectrum.

While you were probably trying to get your wife to return the veggie burgers she purchased for the sparsely attended barbeque you planned,  40-year-old Chuck Liddell spent his weekend valiantly kicking, punching and gasping his way to a stirring defeat at the hands of MMA veteran Rick Franklin. You can find the whole fight here.

Liddell displayed the fighting competence he’s lacked in years early in the fight, laying into Franklin with blasts that brought to mind his early career mixed martial arts dominance. At one point late in the fight he shot off a high-kick that would have probably left me writhing around with a torn groin had I attempted it. He even broke his opponent’s left arm. Alas, by the end of the match he had dissolved into a sluggish ball of wheezing that left his actions reckless and his punches long and slow. Franklin jumped at an opening uncovered when Liddell wildly missed a righthanded desperation haymaker and finished the fight with a well placed jab to the chin that knocked Liddell out cold. Thus ended an era.

The former middleweight champion [Rick Franklin] fought through a broken arm suffered when he blocked a Liddell kick, ultimately recovering to knock out Liddell at 4:55 of the first round in front of nearly 20,000 fans at a sold-out GM Place.

The crowd, which roared for both men all night, collectively rose as one to celebrate their performance. The win makes Franklin an instant player in the light-heavyweight division. It also probably makes him the last man to ever enter the Octagon against Liddell.

“It’s kind of a bittersweet victory because I like Chuck. Chuck and I are friends,” said Franklin (28-5-1), his arm in a sling and bathing in ice following the contest. -Montreal Gazette

An MMA icon for almost a decade, Liddell made up for his lack of top flight technical ability by displaying extreme toughness and white Mr. T type vibes that eventually made him the face of a fledgling sports dynasty. Though he may not have been the best fighter, he sure was the most entertaining and the ‘media darling’ badge he earned enabled his legacy to grow even as his fighting ability diminished. As MMA fighting quickly became popular, newly minted fans ascribed to the time held tradition that ‘whoever looks the baddest probably is the baddest’. And Liddell looked the baddest.

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Here’s Chuck “Iceman” Liddell’s entrance to the octagon for UFC 43, and even if Liddell actually wins Dancing With The Stars this season, he’ll never be a part of anything as gay as this. Seriously, where’s the camera angle that’s actually inside that freak’s mouth? “Can you feel me?” I’m good, thanks. If I wanted to get molested by a clown, I’d go to the circus. And if that wasn’t bad enough, the entrance music is utterly unforgivable. I won’t ruin the surprise, but it starts with S and ends with “hitty.” I’m amazed MMA ever made it this far…via. Thanks, Vince.

The cast for Season 9 of Dancing With The Stars was just announced, and among the more sportish contestants were NFL Hall-of-Famer Michael Irvin, former Olympic swimmer Natalie Coughlin, mixed martial artist Chuck Liddell and pro snowboarder Louie Vito. And also, that crazy guy from Iron Chef America is on there, too. But the most Whiskey Tango Foxtrottish choice of all has to be former U.S. House of Representatives Majority Leader Tom DeLay:

How did it come about? “I know it will sound stupid, we just asked him,” Green tells EW. “We usually throw a few Hail Marys every season to people we don’t think are gonna say yes, but we think, oh, why not ask him. Occasionally, they come off. As it turns out, Tom DeLay likes to do a bit of the Two Step, he likes dancing with his wife. His daughter is a country dancing champion, I believe. He actually really enjoys dancing. via.

Damn government, always has its hands in everything, even quasi-reality shows that I could care less about, and I only qualify it that way because these has-beens do more on the show than sit in a house and think of ways to kick out the black guy. Let’s see if DeLay can avoid indictment this go-round. But wow, this show will have been on the air for nine years? I swear I haven’t been ignoring it for more than five.