A few weeks ago, former Florida Gators receiver Chris Rainey was arrested for aggravated stalking, which I assume means that he was stalking but he wasn’t good at it so he just became so aggravated. The stalkee was his ex-girlfriend, and the police got involved after Rainey texted her: “Time to die, bitch.” His efforts were so inspiring that even the guy who pistol-whipped Jacksonville Jaguars wide receiver Kassim Osgood misquoted Rainey’s text while trying to kill his ex-girlfriend. But that’s all in the past now, because Rainey only got a misdemeanor and is back with the Gators.
While Florida coach and all-around swell judge of character Urban Meyer hasn’t said what the terms of Rainey’s return are yet, I’m willing to bet it goes something like this: 1) Come play receiver again. 2) Help us stop sucking. 3) Maybe, possibly, pretty please stop sending death threats to your ex-girlfriend. Rainey’s ex told the police and prosecutors that she didn’t actually feel threatened by Rainey so she didn’t want him to suffer the felony charges that everyone else on the planet would receive for aggravated stalking.