Redskins tight end Chris Cooley (not pictured; that’s his wife Christy) has come through with another gem on his blog.  This one is a splendidly homoerotic tale of celebration following the ‘Skins’ victory over the Seahawks on Sunday.  Following an attention-grabbing lede (“There is no better way to celebrate a win than getting grabbed and punched in the balls by a bunch of offensive lineman on the bus”), Cooley goes on to explain his quality time with teammates:

Last Thursday in practice… I had just finished off my block and turned back to see [a teammate] wallowing around on his hands and knees trying to get back to his feet. I don’t really know why, but I thought it would be funny as hell to air hump him in while he was down…

So, back to the bus, when the game ends I usually load up on bus #2 and move towards the back with the offensive line, [tight end Todd] Yoder, and the kickers. Kind of our little after the game club.

We call it “The White Guys on the Team Club.”

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OCHO CINCO DEACTIVATED FOR STEELERS GAME — Bengals wideout Chad Johnson-Cinco has been suspended by the organization for an unspecified violation of team rules, although a Bengals blogger says it’s because Ocho overslept and missed a team meeting (link via PFT).  A team meeting at 8:30 p.m.

BRADY QUINN HAS A BOO-BOO — Brady Quinn, fresh off his first career win as the Browns’ starting QB, has a broken index finger on his throwing hand.  Experts such as myself suggest that may affect his throwing, and also his pointing on the dance floor.  Quinn will play, but doctors have warned that he “cannot damage the finger any further.”  Which is why he’ll keep it safe in another man’s ass until Sunday.

TOO BAD FOR LINEMEN — The life expectancy for pro football linemen is 52.  Hey, that’s great news!   As long as it’s still the 18th century.

Remember back in the ’80s, when the Browns always looked like they were going to pull out a win against Denver, but then the Broncos miraculously rallied for the win?  Yeah, that happened again last night.

Brady Quinn had a stellar debut (23/35-238-2-0), but was unable to deliver a win in the face of Jay Cutler’s 447 yards passing (with all three of his touchdowns coming in the fourth quarter), as the Broncos pulled out a 34-30 win last night after being down by as much as 13 points in the second half. (box score, highlights)

Brandon Marshall clearly enjoyed not having Joey Porter in head, as he had 89 yards receiving and caught the game-winning score with 1:14 left in the game.  After that touchdown, B-Marsh canceled his planned Obama tribute at the pleading of Brandon Stokley.  Stokley feared a 15-yard penalty would give the Browns excellent field position and a chance to win the game, and he also hates black people.

As noted below, there are plenty of activities in New York City tonight.  But for the sports fan who ISN’T located in the capital of what my platoon sergeant once called “liberalism and faggotry,” there are still plenty of sports to be enjoyed on TV tonight.

Like, um, the NBA, maybe?  And probably some hockey games.  And there’s usually a college football game on Thursday nights, right?  Hell, what do I look like, your TV Guide?  You’re on the Internet, look it up your damn self.

My point is, Brady Quinn makes his first career start tonight when the Broncos (4-4) visit the Browns (3-5).  And I say, about damn time.  Not because I think he deserves it or anything.  I just like that every picture of him is either a way over-the-top homoerotic candid or a way over-the-top homoerotic homage to Abercrombie & Fitch man-candy.  Given that the Broncos defense is one of the worst in the league, it’s probably too much to ask to see him raped by a 310-pound defensive tackle.  But we can still dream, can’t we?

Redskins tight end and special teamer Todd Yoder has a guest post on Chris Cooley’s blog in which he describes the ginormous bruise you see above.

Yes that is the back of my leg with the best bruise I have ever received on it… It happened during special teams last week and hurts like hell.

There is only one thing that comes to mind, I think would compare to the shot I took in the leg. And that is to have Barry Bonds back in his prime take a upper deck home run swing into the back of your leg and just get floored by it and see if the damage would be the same. The day after the game was awfully painful for me and felt like I got trampled by an elephant.

I think I speak for everyone when I say, “What a gigantic pussy.”  I dropped a ten-pound plate on my toe at the gym, and you don’t see me crying about how hard my workouts are.

As the Red Sox head to the playoffs yet again, the Boston Globe has turned out the definitive article on Dustin Pedroia, a well-written but otherwise fluffy piece that elaborates on the long odds Pedroia overcame and applauds his confidence and trash-talking skills.  The key excerpt, however, recounts Pedroia’s ping-pong match against Brady Quinn:

Pedroia’s ping-pong victims include Cleveland Browns quarterback Brady Quinn, whom Pedroia baited into a match last year at the Athletes’ Performance Institute in Arizona. Never mind that Quinn, a rugged 6-foot-3 and 235 pounds, towered over him.

Yes, because intimidating size is a huge factor in the bruising sport of table tennis.  He’s so brave!

“You want a piece of me, meat?” Pedroia said.

[Andre] Ethier, who witnessed the scene, said, “Dustin was talking smack to him the whole time, talking about how he would sack Brady and put him on his back. Dustin absolutely destroyed him, and Brady couldn’t stand losing to someone who is 5-foot-something. It was pretty incredible.”

Also incredible?  The sexual tension in that room.  I wasn’t there and I could feel it.  Brady Quinn didn’t like losing to the little man.  Pedroia talked down to Quinn.  Balls flew at people’s faces.  Hey fellas, get a room why doncha?

[Fan IQ]