Meet PEANUT (note: not his real name), the baby is is so good at golf he got a video uploaded about him called GOLF BABY.
He’s not drilling holes-in-one or anything (he’s not a Powerade commercial, he is a baby), but he’s a 17-month old child with a great natural swing, consistently and powerfully drilling golf balls in his home with a toy club. This isn’t a kid mindlessly swinging … these are purposeful, strong shots, and he only misses a few of them.
In 15 years, when Rory McIlroy has been disgraced because of a sex scandal, GOLF BABY will arrive to pal around with him in Nike commercials and have the torch passed. As the Internet’s leading golf analyst, I can predict this, because a baby is good at toys.
Bob’s Blitz sent this over, and there’s no way that it’s real. An 8th grade basketball team passes to a fat kid at the last second and he just throws it up over his head, and it GOES IN. Everyone cheers, and the fat kid is a hero. This doesn’t happen in real life. If happens in stuff like Heavyweights. Go-karts can’t jump other go-karts, and husky 8th graders don’t drain buckets like this. (via Bob’s)
Two days ago, when I compiled the Here’s The Rest Of The Christmas Stuff post, my intention was to never write about Christmas again. Along comes this clip of Megatron and Matthew Stafford starring in Kensington Church Christmas 2012, and I’m drawn back in for one last score.
There’s so much to love about this video, including:
1. The acting. MY GOD, the acting. They give the Kensington Church staff wacky lines where they playfully insult each other, and it’s like the between-songs dialogue in an episode of ‘Glee’ written by my Aunt.
2. Johnson and Stafford tossing around a football like they’re filming scenes for The Room.
3. Johnson and Stafford introducing themselves a la Resident Evil characters, as if we’re watching the Kensington Church Christmas video and aren’t gonna know who they are. “Picture this, me, Matthew Stafford, in a shotgun formation in Santa’s sleigh!” “And me, Calvin Johnson, the master of unlocking!”
4. Football players’ best idea being “say as much about football and Christmas as you can, whether it makes sense or not.” Seriously, listen to what they’re describing. It’s mind boggling. “I roll right to avoid the blitz from the Grinch!” And he throws “the tightest spiral you’ve ever seen” with a Christmas present. And then we dump Gatorade on the baby Jesus!
5. Megatron not being able to consistently say “present.” I CATCH THE PRESINENT.
And on and on. The precocious child who wants the play to be about Jesus! Jokes about pissing in a church video! Everybody involved just kinda swaying back and forth like they’re Street Fighter characters for no reason, because they aren’t actors and think they have to be dynamic! It’s truly the gift that keeps on giving.
Or the gift that never gives. However that works. Remember, everybody: DO NOT GO TO CHURCH.
In the spirit of positivity, here’s my favorite story of the day — a young Houston Texans fan became concerned when Arian Foster left the team’s 23-6 loss to the Minnesota Vikings early with an irregular heartbeat, so she decided to write him a letter to tell him he’s the best player on the team, and that she hopes his heart feels better. And she drew the logo!
As cute as that is, what makes the story truly great (and different from the time I wrote a letter to Cal Ripken Jr. when I was four with an enclosed macaroni & cheese baseball card and did not/have not heard back from him in almost 30 years) is the fact that Foster saw the letter, and took to Twitter to respond. He didn’t draw any logos, but it’s almost as adorable: