We know, dude. Trust us, we know.

Sometimes I think that young people in the Third World look at America and they think, “Why can’t I have that?” And then on days like this, I assume they’re thinking, “What a bunch of pricks.” Last night was probably one of those times, as thousands of students and fans of Penn State University rioted through the streets of University Park, some in support of iconic football coach Joe Paterno, and others in support of the university’s sudden decision to fire JoePa after 45 years.

The Board of Trustees announced at a 10 p.m. press conference that Paterno’s employment would be terminated immediately, as opposed to yesterday’s reports that he would be allowed to resign at the end of the season. The termination comes, of course, after Paterno’s former defensive coordinator Jerry Sandusky was revealed to have allegedly sexually abused young boys in Penn State athletic facilities. Paterno was admonished by investigators as having done everything necessary when accusations were first made in 2002; however, that has done nothing to quell the moral outrage.

As I stated yesterday, I will make no humor of or judgment toward this affair, but it’s worth pointing out how ludicrous the behavior was of those causing property damage to small businesses and the university last night. And of course it even reached the Occupy Wall Street people, because they really seem like the sporting bunch to me.

UPDATE: Now with more pictures of students tipping over a news van and with their faces clear as day so that people might identify them and put them in a jail cell of their own. As well as a few others of people generally supporting Paterno.

INCREDIBLY OBNOXIOUS UPDATE: Penn State rioters planked. Unreal.

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Obviously the general news media is in an uproar over the happenings at Penn State University this week, as longtime head coach Joe Paterno will retire at the end of this season thanks to no other choice from the school’s Board of Trustees, because his former defensive coordinator Jerry Sandusky allegedly sexually abused children. It gets worse because these were kids that he was purportedly helping through his philanthropic endeavors, and it gets even worse because a witness reported encountering said sexual abuse at Penn State facilities.

The above image is a student gathering at Paterno’s house last night, as a hundred or so Nittany Lions fans showed up to support the embattled 84-year old. Many people have argued that they should have showed up to storm his castle gates, and I can understand the outrage. And that’s where our discussion is going to end today.

Being that this is primarily a sports humor blog, there aren’t really any jokes that I feel comfortable making about the sexual abuse of children. I also don’t feel like opening the doors to endless debates about why JoePa is a complete scumbag POS for knowingly allowing this behavior or why he still deserves to be loved and adored by the people and fans that appreciated the two national championships he won in 45 years because the police said that he did what he was legally obligated to do. Feel free to argue, though, I just don’t have much desire to stand on a soapbox and shake my fist in rage.

In the meantime, I had a once-in-a-lifetime sports collectible opportunity that I was going to recommend to our readers with deeper pockets, but unfortunately Sandusky’s 1986 National Championship ring has been removed from eBay. Presumably to be thrown into the fiery pits of Mordor.

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This is Brigid Lesovsky, a female softball umpire who has been arrested on charges of having a sexual relationship with a 14-year-old girl. I’m guessing her last name is “Lesovksy” because she’s a lesbian and we’re all living through an episode of Rocky & Bullwinkle. Authorities only found out what was going on when the 14-year old got in trouble at school, and some phone calls were made. Some phone calls that, uh, probably should’ve been made a long ass time ago.

Lesovsky was charged with three counts of lewd or lascivious molestation and one count of lewd or lascivious battery, jail records show. On Thursday, she remained at Broward’s Main Jail, her bail set at $40,000.

The teen plays softball, and Lesovsky met her through her umpire position, officials said. The relationship began as a friendship, but turned sexual about a month ago, when the girl said Lesovsky fondled her, officials said.

Yes, but what did officials say?

The only really funny aspect of this story (and I know I’m doing a terrible job running both a sports AND a comedy blog) is that Lesovsky worked on an as-needed basis for something called the “Cooper City Optimist Club.” I am not interested in knowing what she considered “half full.” Hopefully this woman can find some counseling to help her both understand what she’s done and then never do it again. And then also probably something much meaner should happen to her, I don’t know, I’m not in any kind of Pessimist Club.

[Palm Beach Post]

By now, if you have basic Internet, then you’ve seen the clip of Driscoll Middle School’s football team pulling a fast one on their opponents, and if you search “Driscoll Middle School” or even “trick play” on YouTube, you’ll get 400 pages of “Greatest Trick Play Ever” and various other verbal celebrations and tributes. And it’s an entertaining clip, featuring a ballsy kid following his coach’s diabolical plan to snap the ball and just walk nonchalantly through the defensive line and take off for the end zone. Everyone loves it, your co-workers and frat brothers have probably emailed it to you 100 times – it’s probably the biggest viral sports video of the year. And of course someone has a problem with it.

Writer, commentator and Grandpa Munster impersonator Frank Deford wrote a piece for NPR (Punte’s favorite!), calling the heralded play “child abuse” as he shakes an angry fist:

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