Don’t like reading horrible stories about former sports celebrities molesting children? HERE, HAVE TWO.

The first is Elizabeth Leigh Garner, a 42-year old former Tennessee Titans cheerleader, who is in trouble for getting drunk at a party, following a 12-year old boy (yes, a 12-year old boy) into a bathroom and trying to go down on him against his will. This is a thing that happened in real life.

“He stated she was asking him if he had ever been with a woman,” Roberts reported, adding the boy disclosed she then touched him inappropriately on the outside of his pants. “He also said she was making an attempt to take his shorts off …” and told the boy she would perform oral sex on him.

The boy told Roberts he became frightened and was able to get out of the bathroom and tell his mother. (via Black Mountain News)

That last sentence is such a ghastly reminder of how young a 12-year old really is. Her excuse is equally embarrassing, and the type of thing you can’t really make up.

“Ms. Garner, who was advised of her miranda rights, stated that she was drunk that evening,” Roberts reported, “and that she got the boy confused with a man who also at the residence.”

To her credit, it’s probably totally easy to mix up a grown man with a 12-year old who is sobbing and running off to tell his mother. Here’s a video clip of the story, courtesy of NewsChannel5.com:

Read the rest of this entry »

As if Aremenian boy barfight MMA wasn’t bad enough, today’s big mainstream news story tackles the next step down on the boyfighting evolutionary ladder … three awful, awful Delaware women were arrested and charged with assault, reckless endangerment, endangering the welfare of a child and conspiracy for organizing what is more or less a toddler fight club. No, seriously. They lined up kids at day care, made them punch each other and taped it with their cell phones.

Here’s the report from CNN, which Nancy Grace has been masturbating to since yesterday afternoon.

Authorities have not released the video but say one day care worker said “No pinching, only punching” after one of the boys complained that the other had pinched him.

The video purportedly shows seven other children seated in the room with their backs to the fighting, according to police.

“It’s not like they didn’t know what was going on, and they were just encouraging them to continue,” [Dover Police Captain] Stump said. “One of the children attempted to run, but one of the teachers pushes him back into the fray.

I don’t know if it’s the rise of Tyler Durden, an increased awareness of dogfighting or too many Pokémon games, but apparently we have to make everything fight everything else now. One of the creepiest parts of the story is that the women made the other kids line up with their backs to the fighting and wait their turn, which is either the most gladiatorial or Blair Witch Project thing I’ve ever heard.

A Division Of Family Services spokesperson says the women “could be prohibited from working in the public sector, especially with children or senior citizens”, because I guess “make them fight each other on camera and then shoot them all into the sun” isn’t something the Division Of Family Services can organize.

Oh, and in case you’re wondering, the only people who’d be more interested in this than Nancy Grace (Taiwan’s Next Media Animation) have already whipped up a piece about the story. Yes, it contains bloody, slow-motion uppercuts.

Read the rest of this entry »

Jerry Sandusky, the former Penn State defensive coach who at the very least showered with young boys, touched their legs in the showers because he’s just like Forrest Gump and ended a bunch of creepy voice mail messages with “there’s nothing really to hide” and “I love you”, thinks it’s “unjust” for PSU to be fined and punished simply because he molested boys there and everyone in charge of him covered it up to maintain the integrity of their football program.

Yes, folks, Jerry Sandusky is now a judge of what is and is not appropriate.

Attorney Joe Amendola told The Associated Press in a phone interview that Sandusky told him that even if people believe he is guilty of the crimes for which he was convicted in June, it would be “ridiculous” to think Penn State administrators engaged in a cover-up.

“He said, ‘To do what they’re doing to Penn State is so unjust,’” Amendola said. “He loves the program and he loves the university … He continues to believe that the truth will come out at some point, and that he’ll get another trial or another opportunity to establish his innocence.” (via ESPN College Football)

I don’t know what kind of crazy shit the human brain can do to itself, but if denial has a sound barrier, Jerry Sandusky just broke it. I guess it isn’t fair to expect a guy like this to be aware of what he’s done, or his lawyer to have even 1% of a normal human being’s integrity and skip the whole “ONE DAY we’ll find out what REALLY happened and YOU’LL ALL BE SORRY” gag.

If Penn State is sincerely worried about making it through this scandal and moving forward as a university, I’d like to recommend buying a gross of duct tape and using it to cover the entire head of Forrest Jerr, the Paterno Family and anyone else who feels the need to destructively add to this between now and infinity.

It’s still not fun to make light of the Penn State abuse scandal (especially in the wake of ESPN’s horrifying HANDS OFF cover), and TMZ’s latest updates on what’s being said during Mike McQueary’s preliminary hearing testimony won’t make it any easier.

McQueary says he peeked into the shower and personally saw Jerry and the boy naked in the shower together — with Jerry grabbing the boy’s waist from behind, while the boy was facing the wall.

McQueary says he peeked in the shower several times — and by the last time, they had separated. But McQueary told the court, “I know they saw me. They looked directly in my eye, both of them.”

The next thing he said was, “Seeing that they were separated, I thought it was best that I leave the locker room”, meaning the first and most logical follow-up question should’ve been, “at no point did you consider saying HEY GUYS WHAT’S GOING ON IN THERE and pending the boy pointing out a 60-year old’s hands on his waist, possibly punching an old child molester in the face?”

The second follow-up question should’ve been, “so are you just quoting The Simpsons, or what”.

Mrs. Krabappel and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and then the baby looked at me.

TMZ is doing opportunistic SHOCKING CAPS updates about this all day, so if you’re interested in following along, you can check that out. Personally, I’m not interested in finding out what Jerry Sandusky’s cat’s breath smells like.

The new face of parenting.

By way of Prep Rally and numerous local news anchors who seriously cannot believe this shit, a 52-year old Eagan, Minnesota, man was arrested and charged with fifth-degree domestic assault for responding to a a youth basketball tournament loss by grabbing his 13-ish year old son with one arm and repeatedly punching him in the face with the other.

The outburst unfolded in a hallway outside the gym, and FOX 9 News spoke with two witnesses who said they never saw the boy throw a punch.

“It breaks your heart,” said Tara Falteysek, of Eagan. “I can’t imagine how that young boy feels, that dad would do that to him — and in front of friends.”

Witnesses said they were deeply disturbed by what happened, and Lakeville Police chief Tom Vonhof said he’s never seen anything like this in 30 years on the force.

Bat-Dad (I can only assume this guy is a belligerent, Minnesotan Bat-Dad) posted $10,000 bail over the weekend, and if convicted he faces up to 90 days in jail and a $3,000 fine. He also faces the very real danger of living the rest of his life with the kind of brain that makes you think headlocking and punching a middle-schooler in the mouth in front of his friends because his team lost a tournament game with literally zero consequences in regard to the rest of his life is a great idea.

Video of the report is below.

Read the rest of this entry »

This video’s title is the SEO-friendly “Breakdancer kicking girl knockout“, but I have two problems:

1. They should’ve just called it “Internet”
2. They act like what happens in the video is a terrible mistake, but I watch pro wrestling … that wasn’t a mistake, that was a heel turn.

I’m also interested in the Breakdancer part. Sure, maybe the little girl gets Sweet Hip-Hop Chin Music’d before the dancing can occur (and the “break” could be referring to her jaw), but for the first twenty seconds I see nothing but the worst Saturday morning cartoon “Stay Off Drugs” commercial forward-rolling and New Kids On The Block-dancing bullsh*t ever. If your “crew” is a tween in cargo shorts and a kid in an all-white hat with a flat brim with the rhythm of a toaster oven you’re setting yourself up to be served, be it through superior dance humiliation or kung-fu f**king knockouts.

I don’t know, something about the music and the guy’s t-shirt makes this seem like a really dangerous episode of ‘GUTS’.

[h/t Cage Potato]