‘Smokin’ Jay Cutler’ Is The Meme No One Asked For But Everyone Should Love

Written by Ashley Burns / 09.19.12

First the newsy part – with very little surprise, former reality TV star and current girl who had a son with Jay Cutler, Kristin Cavallari, has “opened her home” to People Magazine, which is a very pleasant way of saying that she sold the first photos of her son, Camden Jack, to the popular celebrity magazine. And there he is above… wait a second, is that baby smiling? Yo, someone get Maury Povich on line 1, because I think we have a serious paternity test issue here. The fact that this kid didn’t pop out of the womb with two middle fingers in the air already has me concerned enough.

And now the fun part. Yesterday, my cool cousin with a sleeveless letterman jacket, Christmas Ape, posted one of the greater J-Cutty stories that we’ve heard in quite some time, and I don’t care if it’s an urban legend or not, because it just has to be true. In fact, if you go back and watch the highlights of him throwing four interceptions against the Green Bay Packers, and imagine him yelling, “DOOOONNNNNN’T CAAAAAAAAARE” after each one, well, it’s amazing.

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Worst Investment Of The Year: Having A Baby With Terrell Owens

Written by Ashley Burns / 08.28.12

It’s become rather evident that the only reason that Terrell Owens is still desperately trying to find work as a receiver in the NFL is because he’s broke. And much to the surprise of nobody except probably Owens, the Seattle Seahawks kicked the tires on the 38-year old and found nothing but holes in his hands. That obviously sucks for Owens, because if he made the Seahawks roster, he would have made $1 million this season. Now? Not so much.

Even while Owens Tweets that he won’t lose faith and will keep trying, there are people who are truly upset about his failure. Four women, to be exact, and they are the mothers of his children. ACCORDING — to … TMZ, as Owens fights to have his child support reduced because of that whole not having money thing, one of those women simply does not care.

In the docs, Smith’s reasoning was largely based on the fact that T.O. had recently inked a deal with the Seattle Seahawks, for close to a $1,000,000 … and could afford to continue shelling out for his kid.

Now Smith’s attorney — Randall Kessler — tells TMZ … T.O.’s career snag won’t affect his client’s request to keep the dough coming — at least for now. Instead she has her “fingers crossed that another team picks him up.”

Paige can cross every finger and toe on her body while a leprechaun shoves bags of shamrocks up her butt, and she’d probably have a better chance of getting signed by an NFL team at this point than Owens would. Hold on, let me check something really quick…

Yes, Jeff Ireland still has a job. So I guess Paige still has a hope.

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