Great.

There was a rumor earlier this year that Kim Kardashian was pregnant with Kanye West’s baby, but everyone in her camp of evil harpies denied it because it would have meant that she had been sleeping with West while she was still “happily married” to Brooklyn Nets forward Kris Humphries and then he could have taken her to court and shouted, “Hurrrrr, pay up, derp.” Well now it’s official – Kardashian is indeed preggers, as West announced the conception of the antichrist at his concert in Atlantic City last night.

West delivered the news to a crowd of 5,000 at the casino hotel’s Ovation Hall in song form: “Now you having my baby.”

The 35-year-old West told concertgoers to congratulate his “baby mom” and that this was the “most amazing thing” as the crowd roared

Kardashian confirmed the news a few hours later on her official site. (Via the New York Daily News)

And then somewhere, while perched atop her throne of devoured skulls, Kris Jenner shouted, “DAMN YOU, KANYE! THAT NEWS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE SOLD!” Then she rescheduled Kendall’s upcoming photoshoot with Penthouse, probably.

So what, then, does this mean for Humphries’ divorce, which has already famously cost a ton of money, as it has dragged on longer than his actual marriage to the woman who rose to fame for being Paris Hilton’s friend before releasing an amateur sex tape with Brandy’s brother and now pretends to be ashamed of that video even though she’s created an empire that endears toxic behavior and success without merit? *deep breath*

For an expert opinion, I turned to With Leather’s foremost legal authority, Danger Guerrero, who responded with this official insight…

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It was roughly a year ago that rumors first surfaced regarding Los Angeles Lakers legend Kobe Bryant and his alleged affair with voluptuous Playboy model Jessica Burciaga, and most of us thought for sure that Vanessa Bryant was going to take her husband to the cleaners in a divorce. In February, despite Kobe and Vanessa being caught smooching after a Lakers game, the L.A. Times reported that the divorce was full-steam-ahead, as it was revealed that Vanessa would be taking a huge chunk of his amassed fortune, as well as three of the couple’s homes.

The news eventually trailed off and the rumors stopped circulating, and we all stopped caring, because athletes get divorced all the time. Also, Kobe had already bought his way out of a divorce for far worse reasons with a nice, humongous diamond ring, so who the hell knew what would happen?

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First the sort-of-good news: Kim Kardashian and her cackling harpy sisters were informed by at least three exclusive neighborhoods in Miami over the past few weeks that they had no chance in hell of moving in for the filming of their next season of E!’s Kardashian Apocalypse, or whatever it’s called. But then, the bad news is that a neighborhood finally accepted them and they’re already making Miami an even less desirable place to live.

The interesting thing about that is that it means Khloe Kardashian-Odom will be all the way across the country from her husband and Los Angeles Clippers forward, Lamar Odom. Gee, I wonder if that will lead to any rumors about their relationship.

Khloe Kardashian was probably shocked to learn that she is the focus of a magazine cover story this week that claims her husband has visited a divorce lawyer to get out of the marriage while keeping his $67 million fortune. Khloe is now speaking out on the story, according to a new “Hollywood Life” report released on Oct. 17, and she is denying that her husband visited a divorce lawyer. (Via Examiner, which really loves using “In fact”)

Khlomar actually won’t be that far apart, as the Kris Jenner daughter that probably didn’t come from Robert Kardashian has signed on to judge The X Factor, because she obviously knows when someone is not talented. But that kind of reasoning won’t sell ad space, and it also won’t provide good drama for the Kardashians’ ridiculously scripted show.

So let’s turn up the rumor mill a little more with our very first edition of With Leather’s new gossip magazine, “On the Rag”. Check out this week’s cover after the jump…

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As we already know, Brooklyn Nets forward Kris Humphries and incredibly talented singer, songwriter, actress, diplomat, philanthropist, physician, neurosurgeon girl who appears on random episodes of Drop Dead Diva Kim Kardashian are working together to set the world record for the longest divorce hearing. Expected to last well into next May, the Humpdashian nuptial reversal has already cost Kardashian $250,000 in legal fees, representing $1 for every f*ck that I don’t give about her wealth.

Humphries, on the other hand, is turning the screws because 1) he wants to prove that Kris Jenner and Kardashian are full of sh*t by 2) putting reality TV on trial and 3) exposing them for raking in $17 million from the wedding TV and image rights, while 4) convincing the world that Kardashian never had any intention of staying married to him because she was busy falling in love with Kanye West.

Also, in between all of that nonsense, Humphries has claimed that he doesn’t believe in divorce because it violates his religious beliefs. That’s pretty funny now, too, because his parents are getting divorced. They could probably get divorced, re-marry, and divorce again and still beat their son to the finish line.

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In what can only be described as the most-asinine-but-least-surprising waste of legal resources of the year, the divorce trial between Brooklyn Nets forward Kris Humphries and uber-talented entertainment icon famous person Kim Kardashian has taken the most Franklin & Bash turn possible. Humphries’ attorneys have previously stated that they’re putting reality TV on trial to prove that Kardashian simply used him to make $17+ million off their wedding and had no plans of maintaining their marriage beyond her 72-day period of convenience.

And while the rest of us let out a collective, “No sh*t, Sherlock”, Humphries’ team has taken law to the next level by issuing a subpoena to Kardashian’s boyfriend and humble rapper Kanye West, in order to prove that they had something going on while Kardashian was acting like an honest woman. So how did they serve the subpoena? Bro, you’ll never believe this.

Kim Kardashian’s divorce case is getting uglier by the minute. Her estranged husband Kris Humphries tried to serve her new boyfriend, Kanye West, a deposition subpoena — disguised in a Nordstrom box, The Associated Press reports. And the nasty court battle may drag out until May of next year. (Via Fox News)

And then Humphries presumably high-fived his bros and then laughed while snapping his fingers. In case you’re unfamiliar with the details of this generation’s Roe v. Wade, West started a spat with Humphries by “dissing” him in a song.

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I watched Goon last night, and I thoroughly enjoyed it in a “Yeah, this is bad but it’s still charming” kind of way, so I’m in the mood to carry over that joy for a real life goon like San Jose Sharks defenseman Douglas Murray (above, showing us the denim goods). In what can only be considered the most important hockey news of the year, Murray has been seen canoodling with Tiger Woods’ ex-wife Elin Nordegren. And my sources tell me that she is attractive and wealthy.

According to every gossip site this side of the Scandinavian fjord, the two Swedes were spotted getting all up in each other’s fjaces at a night club recently, as they apparently met thanks to their mutual Swede friend Jesper Parnevik. It’s interesting that Nordegren would allow Parnevik to play matchmaker again after his last introduction, but that also netted her $150 million, so maybe he knows what he’s doing.

As for the rumors, Murray is going to headbutt them all away.

“We are only friends,” Murray told Expressen. “We are not dating and we have never dated. We have friends in common and we have only known each other for a couple of weeks.”

Couple or not, one thing is becoming clear: Nordegren has a thing for well-educated athletes. Woods of course attended Stanford, while Murray played hockey at Cornell. (Via the USA Today)

Does she like decently-educated bloggers? Because, if so, I am the guy with basic writing and photoshopping capabilities for her. As for Murray, I don’t much about him, other than he holds the franchise record for most hits in a game, but he does have a Tumblr dedicated to him, so let’s see what we can learn.

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