I apologize for not keeping proper tabs on the WAGS of the Olympics, as I’ve been too busy sulking over the fact that my Russian long jumper girlfriend Darya Klishina is not competing in London. But the above photo surfaced with some others the other day of that young lady sneaking out of a club with some U.S. swimmers and my natural instinct was BOING. Wait no, I mean, “Who is that ravishing woman?”

Well it didn’t take long for the Internet to figure out – but we’re the perverts, you see – that the woman in question is 21-year old model Megan Rossee, who is apparently Michael Phelps’ main squeeze. It was hard to figure it out, too, because it’s not like she spends all day Tweeting at Phelps and calling him cute nicknames like “Bear”. Oh wait, she totally does that. Anywho, the two met at a night club in Las Vegas, which is where all true love begins, so we wish Phelps and Rossee nothing but the best of luck in all of their Subway avocado goop dreams.

After the jump, introduce yourself to Megan Rossee as she stands on the horizon of stardom.

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New York Yankees shortstop Derek Jeter is currently enjoying one of his better seasons of the last few years, with a .312 batting average that almost mirrors his career output. Sure, his RBI may be down, but for a 38-year old who some people were calling washed up just two seasons ago, it must be nice for Yankees fans and people who have simply appreciated Captain Clutch’s career to watch him put together one last strong run to help his franchise win No. 28.

So what’s the secret to Jeter’s twilight success? Well, this may shock you, but it could simply be the rejuvenating powers of dating a 22-year old super model. I’ve been told that’s actually better than stem cells. The New York Post has the incredibly important breaking news of Jeter’s new fling with Ralph Lauren model Hannah Davis, and somewhere Wilmer Valderrama is in the on-deck circle for sloppy seconds.

“They were flirting, having a great time, and were sitting close together,” says a witness who saw them at Meatpacking hotspot Double Seven for the last Avenue A Soundcheck bash of the summer.

I don’t care if I’m 90 and living my final days in a run-down nursing home, cut off from the only people I’ve ever loved, “Meatpacking” will always make me giggle.

“They are an item on the quiet,” says another source. “Derek and Hannah left separately, but she met up with him again later.”

Added the source, “I know this because I live in a trash can outside of Jeter’s penthouse building. Sure, it’s pricey at $8,000 for 2-sq. ft. but at least it’s rent controlled.”

This news probably won’t do much to stop the tailspin of Jeter’s ex-girlfriend Minka Kelly, who was rumored to have an under-18 sex tape lost in pervy hands while she was allegedly bouncing back and forth between Fez and Maroon 5 singer Adam Levine. Ugh, I feel filthy just writing that sentence. Either way, introduce yourself to Hannah Davis after the jump.

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I watched Goon last night, and I thoroughly enjoyed it in a “Yeah, this is bad but it’s still charming” kind of way, so I’m in the mood to carry over that joy for a real life goon like San Jose Sharks defenseman Douglas Murray (above, showing us the denim goods). In what can only be considered the most important hockey news of the year, Murray has been seen canoodling with Tiger Woods’ ex-wife Elin Nordegren. And my sources tell me that she is attractive and wealthy.

According to every gossip site this side of the Scandinavian fjord, the two Swedes were spotted getting all up in each other’s fjaces at a night club recently, as they apparently met thanks to their mutual Swede friend Jesper Parnevik. It’s interesting that Nordegren would allow Parnevik to play matchmaker again after his last introduction, but that also netted her $150 million, so maybe he knows what he’s doing.

As for the rumors, Murray is going to headbutt them all away.

“We are only friends,” Murray told Expressen. “We are not dating and we have never dated. We have friends in common and we have only known each other for a couple of weeks.”

Couple or not, one thing is becoming clear: Nordegren has a thing for well-educated athletes. Woods of course attended Stanford, while Murray played hockey at Cornell. (Via the USA Today)

Does she like decently-educated bloggers? Because, if so, I am the guy with basic writing and photoshopping capabilities for her. As for Murray, I don’t much about him, other than he holds the franchise record for most hits in a game, but he does have a Tumblr dedicated to him, so let’s see what we can learn.

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Internet super sleuth Jimmy Traina revealed an interesting little tidbit about Anaheim Angels ace C.J. Wilson in yesterday’s PM edition of Hot Clicks. It seems that the top free agent pitching acquisition of the past offseason has not only been enjoying his team’s bounce back from a horrendous start – they’re now in second in the AL West, 10 games above .500 and 4 back of Texas – but also a little off-the-radar relationship with a special young lady.

That lady, as it turns out, is 23-year old Brazilian model Lisalla Montenegro. While we don’t know very much about this lovely young lady, we do know that Wilson told Traina that they’re trying to keep their relationship on the downlow and would like for people to respect their privacy.

Hey, we read you loud and clear, C.J., which is why in this collection of pictures that I gathered of Lisalla after the jump, you’re not in any of them.

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According to people who keep a much closer watch on who athletes are dating than we do, Detroit Tigers ace Justin Verlander has been in a relationship with the same girl since college. But apparently that may have changed recently – or perhaps during the filming of a certain video game commercial – as the big news about arguably the best pitcher in baseball – who was shelled in the first inning of last night’s MLB All-Star Game – wasn’t that he would start for the American League, but that he might be dating… Kate Upton.

The comely blonde model, a native of St. Joseph, Mich., was seen by several fans in Verlander’s suite at the Palace of Auburn Hills at last Thursday’s Aerosmith concert. The two stars were joined by her BFF, model Lizzy Glynn, and his pal Frank Viola, Jr. (son of Minnesota Twins’ pitcher Frank Viola). (Via HuffPo)

Does “comely” mean obese cannibal? Wait, no. It means attractive. Thank God, I didn’t want to rant again. But the double date indeed happen, with the younger Viola even removing his pants to appease Upton’s BFF for the mechanical bull ride.

Ever since Upton showed up at a recent Tigers game and *GASP!* might have drank an alcoholic beverage – because 19-year olds never drink – there was buzz as to why this New York Yankees fan and professed Florida native suddenly had an interest in her real home state again. And now we possibly know why.

But if Verlander and Upton are actually an item, I urge her Internet boyfriends to remain calm and not be too upset. After all, it could be much MUCH worse. She could be dating Bryce Harper.

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I expect that we’ve come to the end of the road in Kris Humphries’ sad love life if we’re paying attention to the Kim Kardashian “lookalikes” that he may or may not be dating. And in this case, according to the Daily Mail, the NBA free agent forward – who is probably going to be paid well thanks to a solid season that flew under the radar because of his terrible marriage – is currently spending time in South Beach with a girl who may or may not be his new girlfriend.

As you can see in the banner pic, the new definition of Kim Kardashian lookalike is apparently “woman with dark hair and a big ass”. And while I certainly spew my fair share of hatred at the entire Kardashian family – you try not loathing them after you watch them defile Biggie’s “Hypnotize” – I think Kim deserves a little credit here. If this girl looks like Kim, then I look like Brad Pitt. It’s close, but I’m not that arrogant.

After the jump, I break this terrible comparison down so we can put an end to this glamorization of talentless, athlete-chasing fame leaches.

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