Now that Danica Patrick has won the pole for the 2013 Daytona 500 this Sunday on Fox, the media can begin this season’s most common pre-race question: “Will Danica Patrick become the first woman to win the Daytona 500?” And then it will be asked at the next race, the race after that and so on, because until she wins a race, it will be the easiest question a NASCAR writer can write. Seriously, I could wake up, write it on a napkin, and sleep four more hours before I even had to be up for brunch at Hooters.

But over the past three months, a few people have been asking a much different and somewhat more intriguing question: “Can a woman hang with a NASCAR pit crew?” For as long as stock car racing’s grandest stage has existed, everything from the steering wheel to the impact wrench has belonged (mostly) to men, and as Patrick looks to change that on Sunday, another woman wants to change pit crews forever as well.

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First and foremost, there are some exciting rumors today regarding that whole MMA in New York thing that we talked about a few weeks ago and the possibility of a 20th anniversary UFC event at Madison Square Garden. But I’m a man of the present, not the future, so I’m ready to focus on a plethora of Michael McDonald jokes for this weekend’s UFC on Fuel event, live from London, and next week’s highly-anticipated UFC 157 PPV, featuring our favorite female fighter Ronda Rousey and her UFC debut as the Women’s Champion.

Rousey, of course, is fighting Liz Carmouche, who we admire a great deal as well, but that isn’t stopping Cris “Cyborg” Santos and her manager Tito Ortiz from trying to make the story about the Rousey fight that will probably never happen because Cyborg can’t cut enough weight. Because she’ll die or something dramatic like that.

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For some reason along the lines of “F*ck it, I was bored”, I was checking out celebrity birthdays yesterday and I noticed a strange coincidence about celebrity birthdays for today, December 18. Celebrating birthdays today are “Stone Cold” Steve Austin, Rob Van Dam and Trish Stratus. They, of course, all share one main thing in common – those aren’t their real names. Oh, and I’ve also been told that they’re each professional wrestlers who had notable stints in the WWE. I’m still waiting on our fact-checking team to get back to me on that one.

Austin (Steven Anderson) turns 48 today and has since gone on to make forgettable films that I otherwise love, like the hilariously watchable The Condemned, and Knockout, in which Austin plays a janitor who – and I cannot make this up – mentors a bullied teen to fight back against the school’s boxing champion. Rob Van Dam (Robert Szatkowski) turns 42 today, and he also tried his hand at awful action films like Wrong Side of Town and Black Mask 2, but wisely returned to TNA, where he is currently the X Division champion.

As much as I have appreciated the wrasslin’ efforts of those gentlemen over the years, they’re just not as inspiring as Stratus (Patricia Stratigias) when it comes to putting together a little tribute like this one. I can’t really put my finger on it, but Stratus just has that certain something that makes it easier to concentrate. She was really good at what she did in the WWE, I think is the point that I’m trying to make, and some people have told me that she’s also attractive.

Again, the fact-checkers are hard at work on that one for me, too. In the meantime, please enjoy our tribute to the First Lady of Stratusfaction on her 37th birthday.

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A while back, some of the FilmDrunk Commentariat and I were helping one of the female commenters come up with a name for her new roller derby schtick, and this made us all very happy because we love any opportunity to come up with ridiculous puns. And we came up with a ton, including Machete White, Amelia Fearhart, and my favorite, Threata Van Sufferin. The point of today’s installment of Cool Story, Bro is that I’ve been introduced to a whole new amazing world of female name puns, thanks to the Collective of Lady Arm Wrestlers.

CLAW travels the country, performing at hipster theatres and such, putting on arm wrestling tournaments that involve 8 local women, who develop and perform different characters for the crowds and celebrity judge panels. And I’m so fascinated by the whole idea that I read an entire article on the NPR website about it. I know, I’m impressed, too.

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As part of our continuing effort to not hear from Hope Solo’s lawyers again, we’re dedicating the weeks leading up to the 2012 Summer Olympics to introducing you to the most exciting American athletes so that you can watch with pride and basic knowledge. And since the men’s soccer players chose to use their vacation days this time around, you can look forward to getting to know some lesser known athletes from less popular sports. For instance, did you know America has synchronized swimmers?

Hell yeah, we do! For starters, we’ve got Mariya Koroleva, a Russian-born Stanford University student, and Mary Killman, a 21-year old Native American competing on the 100-year anniversary of Jim Thorpe – another Native American Olympic athlete – winning two gold medals at the 1912 Olympics. Look how much you just learned about three awesome American athletes from one sentence! If this were a class, you’d all get an A.

An A for American. Let’s update the official 2012 With Leather Summer Olympics American Athlete To Watch List…

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As the 2012 Summer Olympics near, we fully intend to bring you previews of as many of the American athletes as we can, so that you can be prepared to watch every event with great patriotic fervor. I will admit, though, that by “fully intend” and “bring you previews” I mean that I’m probably going to post a few hundred pictures of Alex Morgan. Not like anyone would mind, I’m sure. But before we get to that moment, I’d like to introduce my new favorite U.S. Olympic athlete – trap shooter Corey Cogdell.

Corey previously won a bronze medal at the 2008 Summer Olympics, but we were clearly preoccupied by something else and did not notice her obvious badassery until now. And because I don’t want my kneecaps shot to pieces, I’d like to offer Corey a heartfelt apology and make her the first entry on the 2012 With Leather Summer Olympics American Athlete To Watch List…

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