I know a lot of sports fans, but I don't know a single person who actually gives a shit about who wins which Espy.  But still, it's nice of ESPN to throw a party for itself and invite attractive people.  Attractive people are the best party guests, I feel, because they're not ugly.  Nothing ruins a good party like ugly people.

Anyway, here's Kristen Bell, David Beckham & Justin Timberlake (for the ladies), Hayden Panties-something, Melyssa Ford, Sophia BOOSH!, the Beckhams, and someone named Brittany Gastineau at the big event.  I guess technically the photos of Hayden and Melyssa are from some ESPY-related party and not the actual award ceremony, but whatever.  Do you want tits or not?  Because I'm here for the tits, not the facts.  Just the tits, ma'am.  Just the tits.

Bonus fun time: Look closely at the photos and you just might see Erin Andrews.  It's like Where's Waldo?, if Waldo were a sexy blond chick interviewing the Beckhams.  DAMMIT!  I ruined the surprise!

this SI gallery via Hot Clicks; other photos by Marion Curtis/Startraks)

UPDATE: Now with non-Captain Morgany Menounos-Keibler goodness.  Not to be confused with Menounos cobbler, which I imagine is delicious.

There hasn't been much coverage here of the Euro 2008 tournament, and I'm not a big fan of leaving bare-chested men at the top of the page overnight, so I'll close out the day by directing you to the brilliantly simple and simply brilliant Euro 2008 Girls blog.  For those of you who aren't private investigators, it's about girls who are at Euro 2008.  I know it sounds complex, but try to follow along, please.

Anyway, do enjoy.  There's plenty of metaphorical double entendres to be made.  Like, the Italians played from behind against the Dutch.  And the Germans are, uh… nice tits.  I hope that last one's not too subtle.

[Machochip] 

It's Friday, so it's way easier for me to robotically download and format photos of attractive women than it is for me to try to care about the Belmont Stakes or something, so here are some photos of country music sensation Carrie Underwood playing softball.  The term "sensation" is a guess, by the way.  I can't name a single Carrie Underwood song.  No wait.  There was that one about the guy.  Something about her getting over a guy or something. Anyway, I once saw her holding some Grammy Awards, so I figured "sensation" would be okay.  But now that I think about it, those could have been anybody's miniature gramophones.

[My Chill Pill] 

The World Series of Poker is underway, and it's certainly too exhausting to cover in any sort of detail until the first 80 events are done and the Main Event is winnowed down to the final table from 200,000 douchebags calling every all-in.

However, for those of you in need of more poker updates, I'd recommend getting your info from Lacey Jones, the model/poker pro who's blogging for Wicked Chops Poker.  This photo of her in lacy body paint (lacy… Lacey… Ohhhhh, NOW I get it) is what douchebag bloggers would call an "exclusive first look."  But let's not kid ourselves.  We ain't the first to see her this undressed.  There isn't a hot woman inside the Las Vegas city limits who hasn't been photographed naked.  At least, I hope that's the case.  If not, they should form a committee to take care of that. 

I call chairman.

Actress Kristen Bell, best known for playing the title role in the WB's popular show Nancy Drew: Vampire Hunter, revealed in an interview with NHL.com that she grew up in Detroit (read: the Detroit suburbs) and is a huge Red Wings fan.

NHL.com:  What is your favorite hockey memory?
KB: My parents submitted a picture of me, in my catholic school uniform [Ed. note: giggety!], with my arms around the Stanley Cup.  It ended up on the ticket for Game 2 of the Stanley Cup Semifinals against Colorado in 1996.

NHL.com: If you could meet any hockey player, who would you meet and why?
KB: Chris Osgood was my first crush. Brad Pitt be damned, he had nothing on Osgood's rookie skill and sad eyes. There was actually a day in high school when I wrote on a name tag 'Mrs. Osgood' and wore it the whole day. I really thought we were perfect for each other. I'd love to meet him and probably apologize that things never worked out.

Nice try, Kristen, but you've got a long way to go before you can be the same kind of NHL whore that Elisha Cuthbert is.  In a related story, the brakes on Osgood's wife's car no longer work properly.