"WHY YOU NEVER #FF ME?!?!"

As the Chicago White Sox continue to struggle, manager Ozzie Guillen’s delightful fiery Venezuelan blood is heating up and that’s good news for us. Last night, after a disagreement over balls and strikes with umpire Todd Tichener, Guillen was ejected for the first time this season. Sox slugger Paul Konerko was called out on strikes in the first inning and Guillen was already voicing his displeasure with Tichener’s strike zone. Even better, Guillen claims he had no idea who Tichener was, which means that he didn’t really care about hurting his feelings. If only Ozzie could manage every game for every team.

After Konerko was called out looking at strike 3, Tichener told Guillen not to step on the field and Guillen ignored the warning resulting in his ejection. Guillen, of course, broke out his lexicon of terrible things to call a person and it was vintage Guillen before he finally left the game. But thanks to the miracle of social networking, Guillen took his anger to Twitter to discuss matters further.

Guillen reacted harshly when asked afterward about posting Twitter messages immediately after his ejection.

“I no worry about that,” Guillen said. “Let’s talk about [expletive] baseball. [Expletive] tweeting.” (Via ESPN)

You can read the Tweets below, and yeah, they are pretty disappointing. Mainly because the Tweet right below them was about spending time with the New York Police Department, so if you don’t pay attention to the time stamps it could sound a bit more adventurous. I’m just hoping that this was a trial run for Guillen and that he makes this a regular occurrence, because his Tweets are otherwise boring. He needs to be more Iron Sheik and less Iron Chef. Also, Jose Canseco needs some competition in the terrible English department.

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Wir mussen die Nation ausrotten!

Baseball has been a bit undersold at With Leather, so I’ve decided to take a break from nonstop webcomics and professional wrestling to remedy the problem. Unfortunately nobody likes to read about baseball, because it is boring and not football, so you kinda have to coax people into clicking the link and consolidate everything into concise blurbs, preferably featuring a 65 x 90 picture of Buster Olney. That guy really knows his stuff. Did you realize how important On Base Percentage is?

Anyway, Baseball is Boring is the column to read if you want to kinow what happened this weekend, but you don’t want to know badly enough to find out at a reputable news source. Also, you don’t want to Google “Barry Bonds steroids” in quotes.

Kinsler and Cruz break every record, all at once.

The Texas Rangers’ Ian Kinsler and Nelson Cruz made history by becoming the first set of teammates to homer in each of the first three games of a season on Sunday, closing out a sweep of the Red Sox. The duo set a number of records, because we live in a society that puts things like “most copies sold on Game Boy” in the Guinness Book of World Records.

Here’s the queick list: Kinsler and Cruz came into the game as one of only six teammates to homer in each of the first two games of the season, and Kinsler became the first player to hit a lead-off homer in the first two. Cruz’s homer was the second by a right-handed batter to reach the upper deck in right field at Rangers Ballpark. ESPN set a record by mentioning Cliff Lee for no reason in 100 of their first 100 stories about the Texas Rangers, and the Red Sox became the first team to make me laugh out loud in real life in 2011.

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Everyone knows Mark Buehrle and his wife love dogs. A couple months ago, he saved a dog with an arrow stuck in it and made sure it found a good home. It’s not surprising that Buehrle doesn’t like Michael Vick, but the fact that he wanted him to get hurt while he was playing in the NFL this season?
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Over the weekend, Chicago Cubs officials became aware that someone had vandalized the Harry Caray statue outside of Wrigley Field. According to reports, someone spray painted “SOX” with another illegible word beneath it over the front of the statue’s base, which also bears the Cubs’ dedication inscription.

According to a photo taken by a Chicago Tribune employee (see it after the jump), the second word looks a little like “BITES” but that doesn’t make any sense, because why would someone spray paint “Sox bites” on a Cubs statue? Because, well, they’re Cubs fans. But in fairness, it wouldn’t shock me if a White Sox fan did this. I just know it wasn’t a St. Louis Cardinals fan, because we’re the classiest and most intelligent fans in baseball.

*polishes monocle, points to crotch*

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Back in 2008, Chicago Cubs fans and brothers Jaroslaw and Boguslaw Czapla were trying to host a fun birthday party for Jaroslaw’s two-year old kid, when a no-good Chicago White Sox fan tried telling them that the South Side was the home of the Windy City’s best baseball. Well the Czapla brothers found that to be czimply preposterous, so they corrected Robert Steele in front of everyone – by beating the sh*t out of him.

According to the Daily Herald, the Czaplas and a third man, Maciej Trojnar, knocked Steele to the ground and kicked him in the head until he lost an eye and they fractured his orbital bone. But don’t worry about the kids because they just thought he was a pinata. On Tuesday, Boguslaw received a three-year prison sentence for aggravated assault and mob action, while Jaroslaw received a six-month sentence for mob action last year. Meanwhile, Trojnar is still at large and presumed dangerous, because the Cubs are terrible.

As for Steele, his whole life has suffered as a result of losing his eye…

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Ozzie Guillen has been the gift that keeps on giving since taking the helm of the Chicago White Sox in 2004. Here, he dons an ugly Christmas sweater and implores you to buy the White Sox 13-game season ticket plan. I’ll be honest, that sounds like a lot of baseball to watch, but if Ozzie was sitting next to me and swearing his ass off throughout that package, you could put me down for the whole season. But I’d want a sweater. Ozzie could be the dad I never had. No, I mean he really could be. We’re still waiting on the DNA test.

See the video after the jump. Thanks to Weed Against Speed for the heads-up on that link..