It was a real Tanner Family Fun Day at U.S. Cellular Field on Saturday — the Chicago White Sox defeated the Cleveland Indians 14-7, and television’s Bob Saget sang the Star-Spangled Banner. You may remember Bob from such creative endeavors as ‘Full House’, ‘America’s Funniest Home Videos’ and spending the last 20 years trying to convince people he wasn’t the Danny Tanner motherf**ker who headlined both.

Bob did an admirable job with Our National Anthem (and on Memorial Day, I wouldn’t want to share it with you if he hadn’t), but the best part of the video is Saget being announced as “stand-up comedian, director, actor AND singer”. They left off “former CHIKARA pro wrestling commissioner”. Also, singer? If they’re advertising him as a singer he should’ve gotten up and done this in its entirety:

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Chicago White Sox righty Philip Humber tossed the 21st perfect game in Major League Baseball history on Saturday, leading the Sox to a 4-0 victory over the Seattle Mariners.

His prize was a super awkward appearance on ‘Late Show with David Letterman’.

His consolation prize is having this special moment chronicled in the Opening Days series of The Dugout, so that it may be remembered and cherished for all times. The appearance on Letterman, not the perfect game.

Here’s that.

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You may have thought you heard me say I wanted a lot of years without a championship, but what I said was: Give me all the years without a championship you have.

New Era may have just made the biggest popular culture coolness upgrade ever by following up last season’s “The Rivalry” Red Sox and Yankees campaign featuring Alec Baldwin and John “still Jim after all these years” Krasinski with a Chicago-themed rivalry between White Sox fan Craig Robinson and Cubs fan Ron freaking Swanson. Well, actor Nick Offerman I guess, but Ron Swanson.

We wrote about the story when Offerman ended up on the Internet in a Cubs hat, but here’s the first commercial in the series. It’s exponentially more entertaining than Alec Baldwin saying “Bill Buckner” and Krasinski making derp face at the camera. Check it out after the jump, with a Woman Of The Year-quality hat tip to Big League Stew.

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Sorry, but Ron Swanson would be a Cardinals fan.

As a St. Louis Cardinals fan, I’m generally regarded as one of the more intelligent, classy and mustachioed fans in baseball, so when it comes to celebrities and their team allegiances, I’m a bit of a savant. However, color me depressed this morning as I discovered the above photo of Parks and Rec star Nick Offerman and The Office’s Craig Robinson (who Tweeted the above photo) representing their favorite baseball teams, the Chicago Cubs and White Sox, respectively.

I mean, I always knew that the Cardinals had the two greatest celebrity fans in me and Jon Hamm, but now I’m a little bummed that the Cubs have such a heavy hitter to help fend off the stereotype of North Side fandom perpetuated by superfan Jeremy Piven. But hey, maybe this is just a gimmick. After all the picture is from the set of a New Era commercial.

Offerman, who Robinson said has a Twitter account launching soon, grew up in the Chicago suburb of Minooka—like all Cubs fans, right?—and attended University of Illinois. He was involved in the Chicago theater scene at Steppenwolf, Goodman and Wisdom Bridge. (Via Red Eye Chicago)

On one hand, it’s pretty awesome that Offerman is finally getting on Twitter, but on the other hand… NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! NOT THE CUBS, NICK!!! ANYONE BUT THE CUBS!!! So help me Jeebus if I find out Paul Rudd is a Kansas City Royals fan.

Oh well, guess it’s just me and you, Jon.

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On Friday, the St. Louis Cardinals finished one of the most improbable World Series champion runs in Major League Baseball history as they defeated the Texas Rangers 6-2 in Game 7 in front of a record crowd at Busch Stadium. And less than 24 hours after the team’s victory parade, manager Tony LaRussa has announced that he will retire.

“Tony leaves behind a legacy of success that will always be rememered as one of the most successful eras in Cardinals history,” chairman Bill DeWitt Jr. said at the announcement. “I knew this day would come. I just hoped that it wouldn’t.”

(Via the St. Louis Post-Dispatch)

A friend emailed me this morning to ask if I knew what the Cardinals’ press conference was going to be about, and I, like most, assumed it was to announce that the team had picked up Yadier Molina’s option, even though that would be silly to announce when it’s plain as day. This makes a lot more sense, despite the fact that I’m in total “Aw, schucks” mode right now.

LaRussa was the definition of polarizing – Cardinals fans loved him and opposing fans hated him. But Cardinals fans also loved to hate him, and I think he loved making everyone want to rip their hair out in frustration. He retires with the third most wins as a manager in MLB history, and if he had stayed another season he would have undoubtedly passed John McGraw for second. Instead, he’ll settle for his three World Series rings and knowing that he gets the last laugh.

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Q: How do you replace Ozzie Guillen as the manager of the Chicago White Sox?
A: With Terry Francona, Davey Martinez, Sandy Alomar, Tom Nieto (cough) or any number of proven managerial commodities available for the 2012 season.

Or, if you’d prefer, the actual answer: with a former player who has never coached and doesn’t really want to. Robin Ventura, the two-time All-Star and six-time Gold Glove winner most famous for that time in ’93 when he charged the mound on a 46-year old man and got headlocked and punched in the top of the head like a comical bitch, will be taking over as Sox skipper. Oh man, next year’s series against Texas is going to be awkward.

From The Beacon News, guys who live there and still can’t believe this is happening:

“I realize that he wasn’t on anyone’s list out there,’’ [General Manager Kenny] Williams said on a conference call Thursday. “We caught many of you by surprise.”

Considering Ventura has no experience as a manager, “many of you” is the understatement of the year. That lists includes Ventura himself, who said he didn’t set out to be a manager when the Sox hired him in June to be an assistant to [scouting director Buddy] Bell. When things unraveled to the end with Ozzie Guillen and his impending jump to Miami, Williams heightened his interest in Ventura — whose thoughts about being in the dugout never extended beyond a coaching or instructional situation.

I guess Williams and Ventura are interested in making sure every White Sox fan learns what it feels like to be emasculated by noogie. I’d like to say “we’ll have more on this as the story develops”, but I think this is it. Ah well, if Robin has a Twitter account and makes sure to compliment the Twins every few weeks it’ll be business as usual in Chicago. Depressing, depressing business as usual.