"And look Sammy, the bird flies into the pigs!"

By now, you’ve surely seen the glory that is former MLB slugger Sammy Sosa’s Pinterest page, which was unveiled by Deadspin yesterday and quickly pinned on every blog and Tumblr across the Interwebs. If the year ended today and I was forced to throw together my Pulitzer-winning Biggest Sports Moments of the Year feature, there’d be little doubt that this would be No. 2 behind only this GIF of Oregon’s cheerleaders.

Of course, the year doesn’t end in January, because that would mean we’d miss my birthday and that would be a dick move, Father Time. It also means that we’d miss out on the rest of whatever whirlwind public relations tour that Sosa’s handlers are creating for him, as he of course is one of baseball’s steroid era’s biggest personalities and probably in need of a little baby kissing, what with that whole Hall of Fame eligibility thing.

But why, then, was his Pinterest page so hilariously awful? Why does every picture have the same caption on it, proclaiming this to be the real Sammy Sosa? Well, because his team isn’t all that great at social media.

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You will read this line in every Adam Greenberg story, including this one.

This is a great story for anyone who believes in second chances!

In the film Field Of Dreams, as in real life, Archibald “Moonlight” Graham who appeared as a right fielder in a single major league game for the New York Giants, but never got an at-bat. Through some combination of Kevin Costner, James Earl Jones and time-traveling magics, a young Archie gets a second chance to play against some of the best players of his day. After some sage advice from Shoeless Joe Jackson, Graham hits a sac fly to right, scoring a run and jogging back to his bench to a chorus of “AWRIGHT, KID,” or whatever dead people from the 20s would say.

Adam Greenberg got an at-bat, but it wasn’t something he’d like to remember. The then-Chicago Cub was blasted in the head with a 92-mph fastball during the first pitch of his MLB career. Through some combination of gusty determination, six years in the Independent Leagues and a generous opportunity from the Miami Marlins, Greenberg was given a one-day contract to appear in Miami’s game against the New York Mets on Tuesday. The video is below. Cue the Field of Dreams music.

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In new TV shows that didn’t necessarily look great but I still wanted to watch and eventually forgot news, NBC’s new apocalyptic drama Revolution debuted to pretty solid ratings on Monday night. In fact, according to the network that is about to end Parks and Rec and 30 Rock in favor of shows like Guys with Kids, Revolution had the highest rated debut for a drama since ABC’s V, which caused me to say, “Oh yeah, what the hell happened to that show?”

But one of the more notable observations of the bazillion Revolution trailers that NBC treated us to this summer was a scene in which the gang was walking by Wrigley Field, which had been overrun by nature. Oh, I suppose I should point out that the plot of this show is that all of the electricity on Earth just stopped and nobody could fix it, so we couldn’t mow the lawn and trim the hedges. I’m assuming we also couldn’t manscape so I’m finally relieved that I can’t grow facial hair.

Anyway, as you can see in the banner image, the show’s writers had a little fun with the Chicago Cubs and this dystopian version of Wrigley, but a funny thing happened when the show debuted…

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I’ve been to a lot of boring baseball games, and I’ve seen fans soldier through the lulls in action by reading books, playing video games and pretty much anything else besides “watching baseball”. Now, thanks to this clip from Deadspin, I’ve seen a guy pass the time by making blowjob faces.

It happened during Tuesday night’s weather-delayed game between the Chicago Cubs and the Pittsburgh Pirates. During the ninth inning, this gent goes full Pornhub with every blowjob pantomime variation he can muster, including the straight-up gag and double-dong swordfight. It’s at least as interesting as a 3-0 Cubs loss.

Security eventually wises up to his show, but not before he makes Comcast’s slow-motion replay and becomes an Internet superstar. You’re the next Michelle Jenneke, guy! Thanks for making “Chicago Cubs blowjob” a viable search option, I guess.

If you’re reading this, Chicago Cubs Blowjob Guy, I recommend spending your next 9th inning going full Annie Edison:

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In the more graphic version of Jose Reyes losing a ball in the sun and looking like an idiot, a Cubs fan reached out for a ball, fell over the railing and lost a piece of his scalp on the ground. A PIECE OF HIS SCALP. The close-up of it makes it even grosser. You know you’re unhealthy when you can’t fall down without part of your head coming off. (via Sportress Of Blogitude)

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Links

The 10 Most Commonly Referenced ‘Arrested Development’ Hidden Gems In 10 Images |UPROXX|

Insane ‘Breaking Bad’ Theory Backed By Questionable Evidence So Good It Might Be True |Warming Glow|

Butter trailer something something OLIVIA WILDE STRIPPING! |Film Drunk|

Sports On TV: The Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air’s 20 Greatest Sports Moments |With Leather|

5 Reasons Superman And Wonder Woman Shouldn’t Do It |Gamma Squad|

QoTD: Has Eminem Lost His Mojo? |Smoking Section|

Today In Extraordinary ESPN Tebow Fluffing |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

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Before we start, I need several minutes to figure out what it says on her shirt. CUBE, maybe? I’ll update you after I’m done looking.

Anyway, the lady in the cube shirt is Erica, and in the latest moment in a long, storied history of failure at Wrigley Field, Erica left her seat at the perfect moment to miss the big ERICA, WILL YOU MARRY ME on the scoreboard. They don’t specify why she leaves, but my theory is “to put on several more bras”.

Things work themselves out, but this poor, stressed Cubbies fan has learned two important lessons: (1) Don’t propose to your girlfriend at a baseball game, no matter how much you like the team, and (2) don’t propose to someone while you’re wearing a backwards baseball cap. The damn goat could’ve materialized and can-chomped him in the junk while this was happening and it wouldn’t have been any more embarrassing.

Video is after the jump.

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