ROFLMNBAO: This Week In NBA Pictures

Written by Ashley Burns / 02.01.12

Much to no one’s surprise, the Oklahoma City Thunder are currently the best team in the NBA, as Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook continue their strange “I’m not better than him but I’m secretly better than him” routine, and the Chicago Bulls and Miami Heat have all but locked up their eventual meeting in the Eastern Conference Finals. And as I pointed out yesterday, while I might be a little biased, the Orlando Magic’s incredible collapse is probably the most interesting story in the NBA right now.

Other than that, all eyes are on the trade mill, so essentially the Magic are the focus of everyone with Dwight Howard standing firm with his preferred teams of the Los Angeles Clippers, Dallas Mavericks, Los Angeles Lakers and New Jersey Nets. Of course he’s also said that he’d play for the Boston Celtics or Chicago Bulls, but it’s clear as day that he wants to play in New Jersey or Brooklyn or wherever, and Magic GM Otis Smith is way too stubborn to trade him, so Howard will most likely sign there as a free agent.

Everything else is pretty much business as usual. So let’s make fun of everyone, shall we?

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ROFLMNBAO: This Week’s NBA Action In Pictures

Written by Ashley Burns / 01.25.12

"Won't you ladies join me?"

Now that we know that Kim Kardashian decided to divorce Kris Humphries because her dead father, being channeled by medium John Edwards, told her to, Humphries is readjusting to his role as a true playboy in this NBA lifestyle. So he invited Life & Style magazine into his new bachelor pad to show what life after Kim actually looks like, and it appears that the answer is: douchey.

I haven’t kept up on whether or not the trend of opposing fans booing Humphries mercilessly is still alive, but I really hope it is. It has nothing to do with the fact that he enabled the Kardashian clan and helped them allegedly haul in $17 million for their sham wedding anymore. It’s the fact that he’s a professional basketball player and he’s allowing Life & Style to take pictures of his bachelor pad. Come on, K-Hump. You should know better than this.

Meanwhile, not much has changed. The Chicago Bulls and Miami Heat are still the favorites in the East, and the Oklahoma City Thunder and basically the entire Northwest Division are running the West right now (except for Minnesota, which is still play rather Minnesota-esque). So until something noteworthy happens (like the New York Knicks sending Amar’e Stoudamire and Tyson Chandler to the Orlando Magic for Dwight Howard and Hedo Turkoglu, for instance) here we are once again with our Week in Pictures.

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ROFLMNBAO: The Best Of This Week’s NBA Action In Pictures

Written by Ashley Burns / 01.17.12

Since we last checked in on the big picture of the NBA, the Oklahoma City Thunder (12-2) and Chicago Bulls (12-3) have made it clear that they’re the early favorites and the teams to beat, despite Chris Bosh’s assurance that his Miami Heat (8-4) are still the best team in the NBA. What a relief that is, too. Because their star and leader, Dwyane Wade, is dealing with a foot injury that typically sidelines players for weeks and even months, I figured the Heat might focus on winning instead of talking. But that would be boring and thankfully Bosh is stepping up.

Meanwhile, the Los Angeles Lakers (10-5) got their swagger back – namely from Kobe Bryant and his return to MVP form – which leaves the Orlando Magic (9-3) in a precarious situation as the trade deadline nears. As it stands, Lakers center Andrew Bynum is playing almost as good as Dwight Howard, so the Magic could be losing their best trade scenario, and as the Nets continue to blow, Howard has now shifted his focus to the Los Angeles Clippers (7-3), which sucks for Orlando because aside from Blake Griffin and Chris Paul – who won’t be traded – the Clippers have nothing of longterm value to trade.

If you thought that a shortened season would be short on drama, then you were oh so wrong. Welcome once again to our Week in Pictures.

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How To Hate The Miami Heat In 59 Seconds

Written by Brandon Stroud / 12.28.11

The 2-0 Miami Heat have set the NBA on fire with a dangerously effective, new-look offense that emphasizes athleticism and de-emphasizes LeBron and Wade and Bosh standing around expecting to win. As undeniably great as they are, they keep doing things to make us hate them … most notably their 2011-12 intro hype video, wherein Hype Williams has apparently taken his talents to South Beach to film the team posing like d-bags in the best Express For Men has to offer.

It doesn’t do a lot to help the “Hollywood Heat” nickname, but it goes a long way to making Juwan Howard look like a 70-year old sailor, if that was part of the plan. It also makes me feel a little sorry for the guys who get crammed together at the end, like Mickell Gladness. More like Mickell Sadness. They should just have a fast-scrolling list of the non-Big 3 roster with AND ALSO at the top fly by so LeBron can flex his sweatermuscles and wear vintage sunglasses more.

Anyway, for extra fun, compare and contrast this with the undisputed king of music video intros:

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ROFLMNBAO: The NBA Weekend In Pictures

Written by Ashley Burns / 12.27.11

I really believed that the NBA lockout and subsequent shortened season were going to do serious damage to the relationship between the league and the fans, but it seems that the fans were just content to get their basketball back. The ratings have been solid and games have been sold out, even in cities that lack star power, recently lost their stars or are inevitably going to lose their stars.

Most analysts and experts are already crowning the Miami Heat, which as I already pointed out is probably the easiest prediction a person could make this year, and while the Los Angeles Clippers and Oklahoma City Thunder look like the teams to beat in the West, it’s panic:30 on most Lakers clocks with their surprising 0-2 start.

The New York Knicks are playing like they’re just having a lot of fun, which could be scary for the Heat and Chicago Bulls down the road, so it’s way too early to be making predictions like the Heat winning 60 games in this 66 game season. I’m not saying that it’s out of the question, I just hate when Jason Whitlock dickishly boasts “You heard it here first” when he’s just the sports world’s IRL troll. But I digress. I figured now was a better time than any to roll out our new feature, ROFLMNBAO, and take a look at the opening weekend’s NBA action in pictures with some fun commentary.

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The 2011-12 With Leather NBA Power Rankings

Written by Ashley Burns / 12.22.11

As Shawn Marion would say, "THE WORLD CHAMPION Dallas Mavericks."

 

As this is posted, I’ll be trying desperately to get mentally prepared for tonight’s preseason game between the Orlando Magic and the Miami Heat, as well as the idea that I won’t have many more chances to enjoy Dwight Howard in a Magic jersey. And as my team prepares to slide into its second post-superstar Dark Ages, I thought we could take some time today to take a look around the NBA, since the season starts on Christmas Day and most of these guys look like they haven’t touched a ball in months.

As always, I’ll point out that I am not an expert, and these rankings are based solely on my gut feelings and observations as a rabid-yet-ignorant fan. Besides, this season couldn’t be any more predictable if it was a Disney film. Shortened from 82 to 66 games because of a lockout that has changed virtually nothing, expect to see the usual suspect big market teams do their things, but at least there might be plenty of wild cards and surprises in play.

Feel free to correct me or shake your keyboards in rage in the comments.

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