Danica Patrick Wants To See Hockey Fights, Is Suddenly Great At Hockey

Written by Brandon Stroud / 05.01.13

Danica Patrick Chicago Blackhawks

Danica Patrick was first woman to start on the pole at the Daytona 500, led a lap and finished in 8th place. That gave her the highest finish for a woman in the 500 and helped make that “Danica Patrick just immediately drives her car into everybody else’s cars because LOL” joke a little less accurate.

Here, she’s making a guest appearance in the “Shoot The Puck” contest during second intermission at Tuesday’s Chicago Blackhawks/Minnesota Wild playoff game, chatting loosely with Susannah Collins about how she’s only here to see the fights and then totally draining a shot from center-ice on her first try. It’s remarkable. It also reeks of beginners luck — her next three shots don’t come anywhere close to goal — but that complicates the narrative. Danica Patrick is SUDDENLY GREAT AT HOCKEY and we have to deal with that.

Video (with a nasty habit of autoplaying) is after the jump.

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The Chicago Blackhawks Had A Tremendous Amount of What Now?

Written by Brandon Stroud / 05.01.13

The Chicago Blackhawks are up 1-0 on the Minnesota Wild, and they don’t even care about the tremendous amount of sex they had in the regular season. F**k regular season sex! (via LAF)

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Tremendous amount of sex5 Reasons Iggy Pop Is Still Relevant 40 Years After The First Stooges Album |UPROXX|

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The Vancouver Canucks Green Men Magic Hour, Featuring Niklas Hjalmarsson

Written by Brandon Stroud / 04.23.13

Niklas Hjalmarsson of the Chicago Blackhawks suffered a great indignity on Monday night … not only did he have to sit in the penalty box, he had to watch the Vancouver Canucks Green Men pull off a terrible magic trick. Sorry, Niklas, next time we’ll try to get you tickets to Celine Dion. (via NIS)

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Canucks green man magic trickBro Shares Harrowing Tale Of Being Stuck With One-Night Stand During Boston Lockdown |UPROXX|

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Important Sports News: Mr. T Scored A Goal At A Chicago Blackhawks Game

Written by Brandon Stroud / 03.27.13

Well, during intermission, but still, here’s Mr. T shooting a hockey goal. That’s the kind of thing you share with others. Oh, and he said something about how he pitied the puck, but you probably already psychically new that. (via SBN)

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Mr T BlackhawksThe Last Conversation We Should Ever Have About Chris Benoit |The Mandible Claw|

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Jared Veldheer Looks Like A Gears of War Character |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

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Behold, The Kinda-Racist Rockford IceHogs ‘Los IceHogs’ Poncho Hockey Jersey

Written by Brandon Stroud / 11.08.12

Los IceHogs jersey

“Fiesta” your eyes on the Los IceHogs jersey, a special-occasion alternate for the AHL Chicago Blackhawks affiliate Rockford IceHogs. I’ve been trying to come up with an occasion that would require a hockey team to dress like that, and I’ve come up with two believable options:

1. IceHogs player John Marston purchased a safehouse in Nuevo Paraiso.

2. Corona is sponsoring a promotion, and there isn’t a huge hockey-loving Latino community in Rockford, Illinois, so instead of being “Hispanic Heritage Night” it’s just “Mexico”.

I mean, what’s next? Are they gonna give fans maracas? A special appearance by Dora The Explorer?

Shit.

It’s “Los IceHogs” night at the BMO Harris Bank Center! The first 2,500 fans into the building will get a Los IceHogs Maraca (one of four colors) compliments of Corona. The Hogs will also be wearing specialty jerseys that will be auctioned off.

I know I can be a little bleeding-heart about these things, but man. We’ve seen “los” jerseys in other sports with varying degrees of success (“Los Heat” is still pretty terrible), but did they have to give the Mexican IceHog a Cheech mustache? Did they have to put him in a sombrero? More importantly, did they also have to put the numbers on the backs of the jerseys in sombreros? This is an actual thing:

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No Way He Did This Without Tearing Every Muscle In His Body

Written by Brandon Stroud / 04.25.12

Yep, that’s Frank Thomas shooting the puck at a Chicago Blackhawks game and not immediately collapsing in agony. Retirement must be going well for him. Maybe he got a pair of robot legs installed. (via Rant Sports)

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The Best Of The 2012 Drake University Beautiful Bulldog Contest |With Leather|

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