Danica Patrick was first woman to start on the pole at the Daytona 500, led a lap and finished in 8th place. That gave her the highest finish for a woman in the 500 and helped make that “Danica Patrick just immediately drives her car into everybody else’s cars because LOL” joke a little less accurate.

Here, she’s making a guest appearance in the “Shoot The Puck” contest during second intermission at Tuesday’s Chicago Blackhawks/Minnesota Wild playoff game, chatting loosely with Susannah Collins about how she’s only here to see the fights and then totally draining a shot from center-ice on her first try. It’s remarkable. It also reeks of beginners luck — her next three shots don’t come anywhere close to goal — but that complicates the narrative. Danica Patrick is SUDDENLY GREAT AT HOCKEY and we have to deal with that.

Video (with a nasty habit of autoplaying) is after the jump.

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The Chicago Blackhawks are up 1-0 on the Minnesota Wild, and they don’t even care about the tremendous amount of sex they had in the regular season. F**k regular season sex! (via LAF)

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5 Reasons Iggy Pop Is Still Relevant 40 Years After The First Stooges Album |UPROXX|

Here’s A Glorious Mashup Of The ‘Planet Of The Apes’ Scenes From ‘Mad Men’ And ‘The Simpsons’ |Warming Glow|

The Karate Kid XXX sounds pretty good |Film Drunk|

Did Cristiano Ronaldo Cheat On Irina Shayk With Miss Bum Bum Brasil? Sure, Why Not? |With Leather|

‘Amazing Spider-Man 2′ Set Video and Pictures: Lookin’ Good, Jamie Foxx! |Gamma Squad|

Morgan Freeman Reciting Ray J’s “I Hit It First”? Yes, Please!!!11!1 |Smoking Section|

Taiwanese Animators Get One Last Dig In At Tim Tebow |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

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Niklas Hjalmarsson of the Chicago Blackhawks suffered a great indignity on Monday night … not only did he have to sit in the penalty box, he had to watch the Vancouver Canucks Green Men pull off a terrible magic trick. Sorry, Niklas, next time we’ll try to get you tickets to Celine Dion. (via NIS)

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Bro Shares Harrowing Tale Of Being Stuck With One-Night Stand During Boston Lockdown |UPROXX|

Here’s A Bunch Of Pictures Of Daenerys Set To Van Halen’s ‘On Fire’ |Warming Glow|

Reese Witherspoon Is Super Sorry, Y’all |Film Drunk|

Hey Everyone, Look At How Edgy Rihanna Was Being At The Heat Game! |With Leather|

Why ‘Futurama’ Should Go Exclusively Online |Gamma Squad|

13 NBA Players You’d Want On Your Side In A Fight |Smoking Section|

Why Do NFL Player’s Hate America? |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

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Well, during intermission, but still, here’s Mr. T shooting a hockey goal. That’s the kind of thing you share with others. Oh, and he said something about how he pitied the puck, but you probably already psychically new that. (via SBN)

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The Last Conversation We Should Ever Have About Chris Benoit |The Mandible Claw|

The Rap Quotes Art Project Is Just Awesome In Every Possible Way |UPROXX|

Heidi Klum Is A Bourbon Cheeseburger-Loving Mrs. Robinson In A New Carl’s Jr. Commercial |Warming Glow|

Every Woody Allen Stammer from Every Woody Allen Movie |Film Drunk|

Great Moments In Spring Break History: Stage Diving Has Never Been So Sexy |With Leather|

Here Are 25 Geeky Easter Eggs That Are Too Good To Hide |Gamma Squad|

15 Rap Songs About Addiction |Smoking Section|

Jared Veldheer Looks Like A Gears of War Character |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

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“Fiesta” your eyes on the Los IceHogs jersey, a special-occasion alternate for the AHL Chicago Blackhawks affiliate Rockford IceHogs. I’ve been trying to come up with an occasion that would require a hockey team to dress like that, and I’ve come up with two believable options:

1. IceHogs player John Marston purchased a safehouse in Nuevo Paraiso.

2. Corona is sponsoring a promotion, and there isn’t a huge hockey-loving Latino community in Rockford, Illinois, so instead of being “Hispanic Heritage Night” it’s just “Mexico”.

I mean, what’s next? Are they gonna give fans maracas? A special appearance by Dora The Explorer?

Shit.

It’s “Los IceHogs” night at the BMO Harris Bank Center! The first 2,500 fans into the building will get a Los IceHogs Maraca (one of four colors) compliments of Corona. The Hogs will also be wearing specialty jerseys that will be auctioned off.

I know I can be a little bleeding-heart about these things, but man. We’ve seen “los” jerseys in other sports with varying degrees of success (“Los Heat” is still pretty terrible), but did they have to give the Mexican IceHog a Cheech mustache? Did they have to put him in a sombrero? More importantly, did they also have to put the numbers on the backs of the jerseys in sombreros? This is an actual thing:

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Yep, that’s Frank Thomas shooting the puck at a Chicago Blackhawks game and not immediately collapsing in agony. Retirement must be going well for him. Maybe he got a pair of robot legs installed. (via Rant Sports)

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5 Albums Coming Out This Week That Don’t Suck |UPROXX|

Side Effects: Mariah Carey’s Top 20 Hip-Hop Collabos |Smoking Section|

The Definitive List of the 20 Worst TV Theme Songs of All Time |Warming Glow|

Feminist Cthulhu Will Always Remember To Call You, Girl. |Gamma Squad|

Your Mid-Week Guide To DVD And Streaming: Mark Wahlberg Undercover, Jake Busey vs. Underground Nazis |Film Drunk|

Watch A 60-inch Vertical Box Jump Through The Lens Of A Camera Phone From 1995 |With Leather|

Pizza Hut Unveils Latest Culinary Abomination: Cheeseburger Crust Pizza |UPROXX|

Sharks And Recreation: Adding Sharks To ‘Parks And Rec’ For No Reason Whatsoever |UPROXX|

Wayne Brady’s “5 Fingers Of Death” Freestyle May Be Better Than Most MCs |Smoking Section|

Charlie Kaufman is adapting a young-adult novel |Film Drunk|

The Best Of The 2012 Drake University Beautiful Bulldog Contest |With Leather|

5 Of the Most Awesome Train Wrecks Hitting Theaters This Summer |Gamma Squad|

Bubble Watch: Which Of Your Favorite Shows Will Be Sh–canned? |Warming Glow|

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