"But you're not married yet!"

Great news, bros and babes, our favorite NFL quarterback and dude’s dude, Jay Cutler, is going to be a bro dad. In an exclusive story – that I’m a little offended wasn’t given to me, B-T-Dubs, Jay – Cutler and his fiancée, Kristin Cavallari, told People Magazine that the reality starlet has a bun in the oven.

You know how that happened? Sex.

“We are thrilled to announce we are expecting our first child together,” they tell PEOPLE exclusively. “It’s an amazing time in our life and we can’t wait to meet the new addition to our growing family.”

Cutler and Cavallari were of course previously engaged before they split up and then became engaged again. And while I wish them nothing but happiness, I’d gladly settle for a marriage longer than 72 days.

I did, however, reach out to my boy J-Cutty for an additional inside scoop, because there was no way I was going to let this opportunity slip past my diaphragm. After the jump, I have the official first sonogram of Cutler’s and Cavallari’s baby…

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Obviously, I’ve grown quite fond of Chicago Bears QB Jay Cutler this season due to our new status as BFF, and I was pretty upset when he injured his thumb. And I’m not a Bears fan in the slightest. I just like the guy because I make fun of him and he appreciates it. We’re like Ike and Tina.

But Bears fans aren’t enjoying much at all right now, and they need Cutler back worse than ever. Caleb Hanie, bless his heart, can’t carry the load for both Cutler and the recently injured Matt Forte. The Bears need their J-Cutty back and better than ever, throwing his heart out to one of the most underwhelming receiving corps in the NFL. If my encouragement and dick jokes can’t help him, then maybe a video of guys singing “Cutty Come Back”, set to the Player* song “Baby Come Back”, will.

Lord knows it inspired me.

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Just when we all thought that Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries had ruined the sanctity of marriage forever, Kristin Cavallari took to her Twitter account earlier this afternoon to strike an arrow through the hearts of the non-believers. Kristin has announced that she and Chicago Bears Quarterback Jay Cutler are engaged once more! Ah, that must be great news to Bears fans right now.

In case you forgot – in which case, you should see a physician to treat your amnesia – Cutler and Cavallari were previously engaged for a whopping three months. Cutler proposed during a spur-of-the-moment trip to Cabo in the spring (everyone knows Cancun is the spring spot, brah) but they just couldn’t withstand the media scrutiny, and they split in July.

And that’s not to say that the scrutiny has dissipated. Cutler was recently named the 5th most disliked player in the NFL, behind Mike Vick, Plaxico Burress, Ben Roethlisberger and Albert Haynesworth. That’s some pretty specific company, what with two felons, an accused rapist and a guy who stomped an opposing player’s head and then never tried hard again. But let me just remind everyone that Cutler is a great guy with a great sense of humor and he does so much to help children with diabetes.

And yes, yes I am just being nice so he will invite me to a fashion show. Sue me.

“Man, why does every sports fan gotta rap some?” I don’t know, all I know is he’s the best one.

Met this guy while filming at Monday Night Football – Eagles vs Bears. Learned to rap back in the 80′s from inmates at a correctional facility where he was a guard for 25 years until retiring 6 years ago. Says he’d rap on the yard and instead of attacking him the inmates would laugh at him and drop him some beats!

I can’t decide which part of this video is my favorite. The Brent Celek jersey? The f**king Beer Belt? I think it’s #18 back there responding to “like they say liquor first never fear” with a little squeaky “oh” like he’s Mac from ‘It’s Always Sunny’. To this guy’s credit he does a pretty good job freestyling what really goes on in his hood (getting drunk, watching the Eagles, getting drunk), but to his discredit he does it for almost two minutes and by the end of it you’re kinda tired of him rhyming sh*t with ‘quicka’ and even the cameraman is zooming around trying to find something else to do.

He’ll give you all of him until there’s nothing left. He swears this summer will be training camp. Bitch.

[via Guyism]

Last night, I called a buddy of mine who is a pretty big Chicago Bears fan and I asked him if the name Glenn Timmerman rang a bell and he said no. Actually, he said, “Was he the punter in the 80s?” But he hadn’t heard of him, so I asked if he was familiar with the “Tattooed Bears Fan” and he replied, “Ohhhh, that dude’s nuts.” I can’t believe I’ve never heard of this guy.

Timmerman, above, is a lifelong Bears fan with a deep appreciation for tattoos. It started with a Bears tattoo on his arm. Next, he shaved his head and had the Bears logo inked on the back of his dome. Next up was a giant Grizzly on his shoulder, and then he made a decision that hurled him into the annals of fanatic insanity. On October 16, 2005, Timmerman met former Bear Otis Wilson and asked him to sign his body – a creepy-yet-harmless-enough request. Timmerman then drove straight to his favorite tattoo parlor and had Wilson’s signature inked into his body permanently.

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For the first time since before any of Matt Stafford’s favorite sorority girls were even born, the Detroit Lions are 4-0, and for the first time in 10 years, the Lions are hosting a Monday Night Football game. To celebrate, the staff at the Detroit Zoo surprised their male and female lion (I won’t assume that they’re a couple) with a special Chicago Bears piñata for breakfast. And they ate it much like Kristen Cavallari ate Jay Cutler’s big ol’ heart.

More than 50 people gathered to watch as the lions entered the exhibit and slowly paced around the piñata. A lioness was the first to pick up the scent. As she moved quickly to the piñata, a male lion was close behind. The female slowly paced around the piñata. She backed away when the male lion moved in, his curiosity picqued.

Soon both became distracted and paced around the exhibit. Eventually the female lion moved in and attacked her prey by biting off its arm. The crowd let out loud “oohs and ahs” as she lay down in front of her fans to eat her breakfast.

(Via the Shelby-Utica Patch)

Hot damn, that sounds exciting! Let’s get to the gnarly action…

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