Last October, we got the specifics of the 550-foot, $400 million yacht that Chelsea owner/Russian billionaire/likely Bond villain Roman Abramovich was building: it would be the largest yacht in the world, and it would be equipped with missile defense radar, miniature escape submarine, private security force, two helipads, and a disco.  Now that it’s actually built and in the water, the total cost reached a little over $500 million.  But it’s, um, tax deductible?

The son of Jewish parents, Abramovich began his business career selling plastic ducks from a grim Moscow apartment but, within a few years, his vast wealth spread from oil conglomerates to pig farms.

Russia’s richest man has flourished under president Vladimir Putin, with critics saying he used his government ties to take over former state-owned assets and reap the profits for personal use…

Abramovich reportedly lost up to £13billion in the global financial crisis, but he was already in the process of having his biggest-ever yacht built.

Somehow I don’t think Abramovich was sweating defaulting payment on the world’s largest yacht.  Oh,  he has the payment.  Yes, he has the payment right here in this briefcase.  Can you just show him how the death ray he asked for works?  He wants to make sure it’s operational before he pays in full.

|via Rumors and Rants|

Some people are really bent out of shape about this Champions League semifinal result after Chelsea lost to FC Barcelona yesterday by the score of 1-1. Yeah, that looks like a tie score to me, too, but Chelsea were worked up about the officiating of that guy who looks like he used to work on the Jerry Springer show.

Hiddink admitted his side, who had performed with superb discipline in the goalless first leg and gone ahead in the tie through a stunning Michael Essien strike, had contributed to their own downfall by failing to take the chances they had to kill the match.

But that did not stop him from branding the performance of Norwegian official Tom Henning Ovrebo – who turned down a string of strong penalty appeals by Chelsea – as the worst he had seen in his long coaching career.

The appeals in question involved two handballs–one that was ridiculously blatant–and a takedown during a Chelsea attack in the penalty area late in the second half. The well-named Andres Iniesta tied the match in extra-time for Barcelona, which gave them the lead as goals scored on the road break ties in this kinda tournament, which reminds me of this economist joke that really isn’t funny enough for me to type out here.

|Y! News, image via Who Ate All The Pies?|

Roman Abramovich, the shady Russian billionaire who owns soccer powerhouse Chelsea, is building his fourth yacht, a $400-million armored fortress with helipad, deployable submarine, floating harbor (aka “well deck”), and missile defense radar.  At 550 feet long, it will be the largest yacht in the world.  And also the awesomest.

The yacht will include radar equipment designed to warn the crew of incoming rockets, together with bullet-proof windows and armour plating on the bridge and around the 41-year-old Russian tycoon’s cabin.

There will be twin helicopter pads and anti-bugging equipment, while the crew of 70 will include former SAS and Special Boat Service personnel… Abramovich’s yacht will also have cabins for 24 guests as well as a cinema, aquarium, disco and hospital.

And an arena for monkey knife fights.  Stripper pole in every room.  24-carat gold toilet.  Plus a secret sub-basement for torture/bondage sex or the imprisonment of meddling journalists, rogue federal agents, captured assassins, and various personal enemies.  And hey, who’s to rule out torture/bondage sex with imprisoned meddling journalists and captured assassins?  International waters, baby.

[Gizmodo]

The Champions League final between EPL powerhouses Manchester United and Chelsea is today or sometime soon, I'm not really sure.  And while I'm not going to pretend that anyone cares about the game, I will mention that Chelsea fullback Ashley Cole's estranged wife Cheryl is still thrusting her vagina at the crowds while on tour with her girl band in which none of the band members play instruments.

Long story short: if you look at this picture long enough and kinda squint your eyes like it's a Magic Eye image… you'll get chlamydia.  Don't do it.

[The Beer Goggler via on 205th] 

Chelsea's stars celebrated their Champions League semifinal win over Liverpool by heading out to chic London club Chinawhite, where they partied with Jenna Jameson, who unfortunately no longer looks anything like the picture above.

Reportedly,adult film starJenna moved her table right next to the Chelsea stars and wowed them with her raunchy dancing, as they continued to rack up their hefty bar bill, which ended up at an estimated £10,000 [$20,000].

Though, according to reports, Jenna's night ended early after she was thrown out for allegedly attempting to take drugs.

Wait a second.  A porn star dancing suggestively and wanting to do drugs?  I find that pretty hard to believe. 

A member of her entourage said: "She just asked if one of her friends could go in with her in the toilets to touch up her make-up before facing the paparazzi. But the toilet attendant said no, and kicked off. The bouncers called us American pigs, which brought Jenna to tears."

A modern-day tragedy.  Jenna cried and cried the night away, cried because she couldn't touch up her makeup, cried because she didn't blow one more rail for the road, cried big salty tears with an unusually high semen content.

On Friday we learned of soccer star Ashley Cole's alleged infidelity to his wife Cheryl, complete with sodden mid-coitus vomiting.  Now, despite other women stepping up to say they've also banged her husband, pop star Cheryl has denounced it as lies, all lies!

Cheryl is CONVINCED her husband never had sex with 22-year-old Aimee Walton, BELIEVES his story and is still DETERMINED they can make their marriage work.

[Cheryl] said: "I'm astonished that girl says she felt sorry for me. "If she felt so sorry why did she run to the papers to try and ruin my marriage? I hope she's happy with her first designer handbag that she can buy with her dirty money." [Burrrrrrrnnnn! -Ed.] …

[Of the infidelity claim] "That's utter rubbish, I know that for a FACT. I know Ashley intimately. When he's under the influence he ISN'T capable.

Holy crap I'm in love.  This chick isn't just sexy as hell, she's a huge bitch and totally undercuts her husband's manhood while defending him.  That's basically everything I've ever looked for in a woman.  Well, almost.  Pop singers aren't technically strippers… yet.

[Kickette] — (the pics are kinda old, but you deserve them)