In the tradition of Will Ferrell announcing that Carlos Boozer still lives with his mother, the Chicago Cubs brought in Ferrell and The Campaign co-star Zach Galifianakis into Wrigley this week to throw out the first pitch, read the game’s line-up cards and just generally f**k around on the field until they were told to leave.

Highlights include Ferrell having pizza delivered to the mound so he could have dinner with Ryan Dempster, and exchanges like this:

Galifianakis: “Batting sixth and playing catcher, in his spare time he’s an accountant at a styrofoam cooler company, No. 18 Giovanni Soto.”

Ferrell: “Batting seventh and playing second base, he likes to take long walks on the beach … completely naked, No. 15 Darwin Barney.”

We’ve got the important video clips below, including the one where Will stands up at the dinner table and yells at Steve Clevenger for forty minutes about how he drives a Dodge Stratus.

Read the rest of this entry »

A ton of stuff happens in the sports world each week and there are only two of us here to try to scoop up as much as we can and shove into all into your eyeballs like an ocular smoothie of awesome. So of course we’re bound to miss a few things here or there. For instance, did you know former WWE diva and current George Clooney love interest Stacy Keibler went golfing on her vacation from standing still and looking hot? See, this is the kind of stuff we shouldn’t be missing out on.

Thankfully, I keep a few hundred folders of random sports photos on my computer to cover up my incredible collection of adult anime stills, and I figured that we could clear a few of them out with this new weekly feature, the Wednesday Wild Card. Today we’ll pay a visit to New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady and see what he did to prepare for his loss to the New York Giants, while David Beckham signs some autographs, Kim Kardashian and Matt Millen cry, and the World Series of Poker pays out again.

Please hold your applause until the end.

Read the rest of this entry »

An acrobatic soccer kick can be one of the most intensely athletic and beautiful things in the world of sports. Presented for your approval (as part of our continuing effort to write about the world’s most popular sport and the weird assholes who play it) are two examples of how true that is, and how unbelievably and epically horrible you look when you screw it up.

The first example (with a knee sock tip to Dirty Tackle) comes from the Barclays Asia Trophy semifinals between Chelsea and Kitchee, who are either soccer teams or teenage girls. Chelsea won the match 4-0, but the moment of the game (and perhaps the defining moment in effort leading to failure) comes from Yossi Benayoun. Watch closely at the :05 mark as Yossi approaches from the left. He goes for an overhead shot and kicks the ball directly into his face. I feel like any deeper analysis of the event would take away from its poetic sadness, although I’m tempted to type “Bend It like a mentally handicapped Beckham” and head to the photoshop.

Example two improves on Yossi’s game by eliminating the ball and kicking someone else’s face. The description, via Yardbarker:

Read the rest of this entry »

The Champions League final is on ESPN, and everyone's pretty much going batshit over this one, as the upstart Chelsea take on the old power of Manchester United. It's about 20 minutes in and nobody's scored yet, so you still have a chance to see the one goal in this game before they score it. 

Update: 26 minutes in, Ronaldo heads one in. I thought Ronaldo was Brazilian?

Update: Chelsea with THE EQUALIZER at the end of the first half. Not sure who scored it. Don't really care.

Update: They're playing this game in Russia?! Why?

Update: Man U won on penalty kicks. This sport is lamer than that new Taco Bell commercial…

Chelsea forward Nicolas Anelka, 28, sent sex-related text messaged his mistress, 24-year-old Natalie Merriman. On his wedding day.

[Merriman] also reveals that “Anelka shocked her by sending lewd photos of his private tackle to her mobile, thrilled her in bed with his astonishing gymnastic tongue, and tried to cover up his marriage [last June] by claiming it was his brother who'd wed.”

I think this serves as a cautionary tale for anyone in a serious relationship. Never give a woman head. It just brings an unwelcome dynamic into things.

“"Nico's a fantastic lover with an amazing body. We often had sex four times a night and he bombarded me with dirty text messages. I didn't know he was engaged, and I was really falling for him. But when I found out he'd actually got married and had even texted me that day, I realized he's just another typical lying, cheating footballer."

Lying, cheating, multi-tasking footballer. Seriously, fellas. I can barely text while I'm dropping the kids off at the pool.

- Monday Morning Punter

[Log's Blog via Yahoo! India news]