Straight from the bowels of SkyMall’s version of Hell comes Verlo Mattress Factory’s CHEESEHEAD BED, advertised as the “World’s First,” a “customized fan experience that combines a good night sleep with championship football, perfect for the die-hard fans of the Green Bay Packers”. At first, you’re probably like, “that’s cool, I’ll buy that for my 6-year old, he loves football,” but no, that bed is pretty clearly being enjoyed by the two worst adults in America.
The Cheesehead Bed (created, I’m assuming, by a guy whose “go down on me wearing the Cheesehead” fetish got boring) isn’t just a novelty item … it’s a continued novelty existence. For example, it doesn’t have a standard retail price. If the Packers win, the bed is $599. If they don’t, it’s $799. A clear message to football fans: only support your team if they’re winning.
They’ve also enlisted the help of LeRoy Butler to orchestrate a Facebook contest to see who can put the most cheese in their bedroom. These are sentences that I am typing for real.