Sports On TV: Family Matters’ 20 Greatest Sports Moments

Written by Brandon Stroud / 05.09.13


Urkel American Gladiators

did I do that

This week, With Leather’s semi-weekly look at the best sports moments from not-sports television shows goes back to its 80s roots to chronicle the jet pack rope climbs, Bushwhacker tag team matches and Grandmama slam dunks of ABC’s TGIF founding father ‘Family Matters.’ You may remember it best as “that show Urkel was on.” Consider it a spiritual sequel to our Full House list.

If you watched the show, you’ll remember these moments. If you didn’t, you should find enough insurmountable 80s/90s cheese in Reginald VelJohnson ALONE to satiate you. So sit back, relax, and repeatedly click the “next” button for the 20 greatest sports moments of ‘Family Matters.’ No sweat, my pet!

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The Best Thing To Happen To The Hornets Since Larry Johnson Was A Grandmother

Written by Brandon Stroud / 10.21.11

If NBA ownership was decreed based on thoroughness of beard, this guy would own the entire league. He’s Him (so let him do it).

And now, a few links about another guy with a beard. Stories unrelated.

Links

’80s Sitcom Predicted Year of Gaddafi’s Death - I’m going to pitch the idea for a Nostradamus sitcom and predict like 100 things in every episode, then enjoy a resurgence in my show’s popularity 20 years later when the sh*t happens to be true. ‘Oh no, Sheldon, George Lucas died! This is the saddest thing to happen in 2028!’ etc. [Warming Glow]

The Guy Who Found Gadhafi Was Wearing A New York Yankees Cap, Has The Dictator’s Famed Golden Gun - And now he can kill your playoff hopes in one shot. [UPROXX]

Best Twitter Reactions To The Death Of Muammar Gaddafi - I hope his name being spelled differently in each of these three links was on purpose. Here’s a fourth: Chudoffy! [Buzzfeed]

billmurray-mackbrownAwesome People Hanging Out With Bill Murray - Muammar doesn’t show up on this, although he probably should. Bill Murray rules, and I’d sell my soul for one of those Fantastic Mr. Fox characters. [UPROXX]

Zombie Barbie: Finally A Barbie Doll We Can Support - Our culture needs a new funny occupation, as zombie, ninja and pirate are all extremely played out. Butcher, maybe? Butchers can be funny. [Gamma Squad]

The Curious Case Of Derrick Rose - The NBA Lockout is just like Benjamin Button. Nothing’s happening, but it’s taking forever. [Smoking Section]

Game Over, This is the World’s Greatest Baby Costume - It is pretty great. I think blackface works when you make it a luchador mask. [Film Drunk]

Walt Disney’s Sin City: The Mash-Up You’ve Been Waiting For - Still not as good as Frank Miller’s Sim City, created right around the time I gave up trying to be creative on the Internet. [Gamma Squad]

The Dugout: World Series 2011 Game 1 - Speaking of not being creative, this Dugout needs your traffic and comments. Elvis Andrus! [The Dugout]

Forget Drunkorexia, Olivia Munn Is Into Drunkersize - Maybe she should get into Drunk Acting Classes so I can like her for something besides boobs and freckles. [FARK]

TV-Inspired Halloween Costumes - My TV-inspired Halloween costume this year is better than all of these, pending me being able to pull it off. After the awesome costumes of 2009 and 2010, I’ve got a lot to live up to. [AOL TV]

Five Horror Film Curses You’ll Swear Are Real - You know, I swear these five horror film curses are real. [The Smoking Jacket]

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Miami Heat By Heart: Reflections on Family, Faith, and F**king Glen Rice

Written by Brandon Stroud / 09.14.11

Sarah Palin had sex with Glen Rice.  This actually happened.

I don’t like quoting The National Enquirer as a reputable source, but when a story like this breaks you have to share it with everyone you know — according to the Enquirer, Joe McGinniss’ upcoming book Rogue: Searching for the Real Sarah Palin features claims and confirmation that the former governer and Vice Presidential nominee hooked up with three-time NBA All-Star Glen Rice circa 1987, when he was still in college and she was an Alaskan sports reporter. Glen Rice had sex with Sarah Palin. That is today’s actual sports news.

From the story:

In the book, which will be published on September 20th, McGinniss claims Sarah had a steamy interracial hookup with basketball stud Glen Rice less than a year before she eloped with her husband Todd.

Sarah hooked up with the NBA great, then a 6-foot-8 junior at the University of Michigan when he was playing in a college basketball tournament in Alaska in 1987, the book says. At the time, Sarah, just out of college, was working as a sports reporter for the Anchorage TV station KTUU.

A publishing source told The ENQUIRER that McGinniss claims Sarah had a “fetish” for black men at the time and he quotes a friend as saying Sarah had “hauled (Rice’s) ass down.”

I don’t even know what that means.

I guess the premarital sex is sacred unless you’ve got a chance to hook up with a basketball player. And despite a “fetish for black men at the time” (good job seeing black people as people and not things, Presidential Hopeful), Palin ended up marrying the whitest guy on the planet, and none of her brain damaged kids — and I’m talking about Bristol here, don’t get me wrong — get to paternally claim the stars of NBA Jam. Does Rony Seikaly know about any of this?

In case you’re ready to believe Sarah Palin when she goes on TV later and claims the story is an “out and out fabrication” perpetrated by some portmanteau word combining “media”, “liberal” and “spend-o-crat”, don’t … at least one of the people snuggling in that sleeping bag on a cold, mooseless night in 1980s Alaska is confirming the rumor.

In the book, McGinniss quotes Rice as confirming the one-night stand.

What’s next, are we gonna find out that Manute Bol nailed Michele Bachmann?

[h/t Deadspin]

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Armen Gilliam, 1964-2011

Written by Brandon Stroud / 07.06.11

Armen Gilliam

NBA journeyman Armen Gilliam died on Wednesday at the age of 47. He had a heart attack while playing a pick-up game of basketball at his local LA Fitness in Collier Township, probably the least “LA” place in the United States. They rushed him to a hospital, where they declared him dead.

Stat recaps are never a fun thing to do when someone dies too young, but they’re a heart-in-the-right-place way of lining up a man’s public accomplishments and saying “hey, this is what he did, and you can remember him for it”. He was a former No. 2 overall pick of the Phoenix Suns in 1987 and played for nearly everyone at one point or another, the Charlotte Hornets, Philadelphia 76ers, New Jersey Nets, Milwaukee Bucks and Utah Jazz. His first name used to be “Armon”, but he changed it. He retired in 2000 after 13 seasons of being “The Hammer”, a nickname given to him for his powerful, physical style of play and because it was a great pun.

He was never a superstar, so we’re allowed to let the people who knew him best make their own eulogies.

“I’m all shook up,” former UNLV coach Jerry Tarkanian told the Las Vegas Sun today. “He was such a great person. He would take the shirt of his back for you.”

I think that’s the kind of legacy I’d like to leave.

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