I’ve spent all day trying to come up with a SpyGate joke for Bill Belichick inexplicably on stage singing Dead or Alive with Bon Jovi at some benefit in this undated video. And I got nuthin’. Charlie Weis, on the other hand…he’s no Ruben Studdard, that much is clear. I love how they do the White People’s “Let’s Go” Clap to try and get the audience into it. I keep waiting for a pickup truck to roll onto the stage with some voiceover about how long-lasting that brand of truck is. Wait, that was John Melloncamp. Wasn’t it? Anyway, if you manage to finish this entire video, pour yourself a pint because you probably need it.

|Fan IQ|

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“Tommy [Brady] gave me some advice from firsthand experience,” Weis said. “He told me, for about a week, you’ll be struggling. After that, it gets better.”

Ummm… Brady’s knee injury was just a week ago, yes?  Maybe he’s not quite the expert here.  And I don’t quite see the comparison between Brady’s knee and Weis’s.  Weis’s knees are under a helluva lot of duress every day.  They’re the Atlas of hinge joints.  Probably looking for any excuse for a break from holding up that planet of an ass.

[The Sporting Blog]

On the same weekend that former Brady Quinn receiver (hee hee! -Ed.) Jeff Samardzija made his debut at Wrigley, Notre Dame football coach Charlie Weis led the crowd in "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" — only Cubs fans didn't seem to get the lyrics quite right.  They replaced the first couple of lines with robust booing.

This marks the first time in recorded history that Cubs fans have done something cool. 

[Every Day Should Be Saturday] 

Remember when they used to send shows like these to entertain the troops:

Well now college coaches, like Notre Dame's Charlie Weis, Auburn's Tommy Tuberville, and Georgia's Mark Richt among others, will pay a visit to soldiers stationed in the Middle East this Memorial Day. This seems really lame to me, but the farthest I was ever 'stationed' from home was when my girlfriend banished me to a lawn tent because of some crotch lice. The Chief served honorably, so I'll bet he'll have an opinion on this later. Until then, please to enjoy EDSBS's imaginings of the coaches' trip. -KD 

{SPORTSbyBROOKS}

ESPN sideline reporter Jack Arute (try saying it "Jackaroo" — whee!) seems to be a little oblivious to terminology that entered the popular lexicon via Friends a decade ago.  John Walters writes, 

The most disturbing image [from Saturday's Notre Dame-Stanford game]? ESPN sideline reporter Jack Arute describing how Charlie Weis likes to deviate from his scripted plays at the 8-minute mark of the first quarter. Arute informed viewers that Weis' wife, Maura, describes her husband's ad-libbing as "going commando."

Thanks to 289 and his Photoshop skills, I won't be able to fall asleep for the next couple nights. So let me stress something here: CHARLIE WEIS DOES NOT ACTUALLY GO COMMANDO.  He has cast iron underwear that are never removed from his body.  They get cleaned when he walks through a car wash every day.

That's what I'm going to keep telling myself, anyway.  Gah.  Fucking 289.  That much FUPA should never see the light of day. 

[FanHaus]

I asked 289 to put together a photo compilation to help us with all the firings and hirings in the world of college football, and he kindly put together the above image.  As you can see, Houston Nutt's (top left) insane rambling about Darren McFadden couldn't save his job, and Nebraska's Bill Callahan (bottom left) also got the ax.  Also, Mike Sherman (sleeping) has been hired to take over the vacancy at Texas A&M, while Les Miles is widely rumored to be in line for Lloyd Carr's vacated spot at Michigan.

Also in that image, the… um, Duke guy, and… whatshisface from Georgia Tech were fired?  Sure, whatever.  In addition, the depraved intensity that is Ed Orgeron has been banished from the state of Mississippi, while Notre Dame's Charlie Weis has also been dismissed.

What?  No one's fired Weis?  Ten-year extension?  Man I don't understand college football at all.