(Note: This is the closest I will ever come to writing about horse racing, at least until the next time somebody guns down a horse on the track and I have to type WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE WHY DO YOU ENJOY THIS. Also, I won’t be covering dog racing, fox hunting, chicken choking or organized whale punching. Actually, I take that back, if Reggie Bush talks about choking his chicken on Twitter I will probably write about that.)
Sports
Tom Brady Trolls the Kentucky Derby - Tom Brady is either the coolest Eddie Blake mother-effer walking the Earth or a complete nerd idiot. I hope he shows up to next year’s Kentucky Derby in one of those two-person horse costumes and shouts to people about how he thought it was a masquerade ball. Gisele Bundchen can be the ass part of the horse. [KSK]
10 Things to Do On Sundays If There Is No Football - “Help around the house. JUST KIDDING” is funny, but “watch MLS soccer” is the one that hits closest to home. My friends are systematically trying to get me into soccer, and I’m peacefully trying to follow my routine of not enjoying something until five years after everyone’s gotten over it. I’m going to get into Scrubs in about a year and a half (haha no I’m not) – [Pineriders]
