Sir Charles Barkley is an eleven-time NBA All-Star and a member of the original Dream Team, but he was never really a fitness role model. He’s also 48 years old and spent the last half a decade rocking the Five Buck Box, so react with only mild surprise when you see him looking turrble in his first week of CrossFit. I’d struggle with it too, especially if Ludacris was screaming GET BACK MOTHERF**KER at me while I cleaned and jerked. Maybe I just don’t have what it takes to be a member of Team COCKDIESEL.

Our own Matt Ufford is a CrossFit veteran, so I asked him what he thought of the video. His two cents:

I almost feel bad making fun of Barkley — this was apparently filmed during his first week of CrossFit, a time when a lot of the exercises are unfamiliar and uncomfortable (note: I’m endlessly thankful and relieved that my first week of CrossFit wasn’t filmed). Check out his cleans compared to everyone else’s: he doesn’t have the wrist flexibility to rest the bar on his shoulders.

We can laugh now, but if Sir Charles sticks with it, he’s going to look a hell of a lot better in six months.

Now to find that hilarious video of Detlef Schrempf doing P90X.

Last week, Tucker Carlson’s spinning bowtie propelled him back into the news after he said that Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Michael Vick should have been executed for his role in a dog fighting ring. For some reason, Charles Barkley took a moment during last Thursday’s game between the Dallas Mavericks and Oklahoma City Thunder to address Carlson’s comments in a way that only Chuck can.

Said Barkley:

“Now Tucker Carlson, who’s a nobody … he used to work for us over here. We fired him because he sucked. Now he goes over there and he says that Michael Vick should be executed, which is total BS. You know, TV is a very powerful thing and you can’t just go on there and say anything.”

Carlson apologized shortly after his comment became a big deal, but Charles didn’t know that and he elected to rant instead. And really, his rants make the world a better place. Like, I loved his rant in 2008 about how the Auburn Tigers shouldn’t have hired Gene Chizik. Hmmmm, what did he say again…

Read the rest of this entry »

NBA Hall-Of-Famer and current TNT analyst Charles Barkley has opinions on stuff, and even when he’s wrong, he’s a fascinating listen. Over the last seven days, Sir Charles sounded off on a host of issues, and we’ve collected a modest one-stop sampling of those opinions for your enjoyment.

Barkley on Washington Wizards rookie John Wall missing a game last week with tendinitis (it was later reported to be a bone bruise).

“John Wall, I love you, but you can’t miss games with tendinitis.”

On Brett Favre’s alleged sexting with a female New York Jets employee.

“My biggest problem with the whole Brett Favre thing is if you’re going to send a woman a picture of your junk, it should be huge. … That’s one of the Ten Commandments.”

On major-league pitcher Cliff Lee, who used to wear the same number Barkley wore with the Sixers, returning to Philadelphia.

“It’s great for the Philly fans,” Charles Barkley told us yesterday. “As a fan, I just think that you want a legitimate shot to win every year.

“The Phillies for the next three or five years are going to have a legitimate shot to win, and that’s awesome. I’d be honored if they Lee [and Roy Halladay both] wore 34. [Halladay currently wears No. 34 for the Phillies.]

On his alma mater, Auburn, reaching the BCS Title Game in college football, and Mark Cuban’s announcement to explore the possibility of a playoff.

I think Oregon and Auburn are the two best teams. But you look at Stanford, you look at TCU, there are a bunch of good teams out there. I just hate the BCS. It’s got the two good initials – the B.S. But I hate the BCS in general. And Mark, Mark’s a good dude. We need to do something to fix college football because like I said, it worked out great this year.

Vote in the ASYLUM Poll: Can Mark Cuban Establish A College Football Playoff?

I love Charles, he’s the chubby uncle I wish I had growing up. I hope he does run for governor of Alabama in 2014. It would be like Obama times a thousand. “Our governor’s black…Roll Tide.”

Quotes 1 2 3 4.

Iowa City police officers were conducting an investigation on 21-year old Brady Johnson near the University of Iowa this week when they uncovered quite the Hawkeyes football scandal. Police had already suspected Brady as a possible drug dealer, but they ended up arresting his roommate, Derrell Johnson-Koulianos (no relation). DJK, as Iowa fans love to call him, is the all-time leading receiver in Hawkeye football history, and now he’s facing drug charges, too.

DJK admitted to police that he had been using marijuana and cocaine, as well as many prescription drugs that were seized, all of which was later confirmed by a drug test. He also admitted that he was aware that Brady may have been selling out of their home. I assume he didn’t know for sure because he was retardedly high.

So what can I get for $10, Press-Citizen?

Police said they found cocaine, small quantities of marijuana and Pamoate, Diazepam, Hydromorphone Hydrochloride and Zolpidem Tartrate pills in Johnson-Koulianos’ bedroom. Pamoate is one of the two formations of Hydroxyzine, an antihistamine used to treat mild anxiety, insomnia, motion-sickness, itching and allergies and is known as an effective sedative and tranquilizer. Diazepam is used to treat anxiety, insomnia and seizures. Hydromorphone Hydrochloride is a narcotic analgesic which Johnson-Koulianos allegedly told officers he takes to help with pain, according to police. Zolpidem Tartrate is used to treat insomnia.

Jesus, is this a drug arrest or a NOFX song?

DJK faces four counts of possession of a controlled substance, two counts of unlawful possession of prescription drugs and keeping a drug house, of which the latter sounds like a great idea for a Charlie Sheen movie.

Stick around for a collection of athlete mug shots after the jump…

Read the rest of this entry »

Charles Barkley is still the round sheriff of the round ball, as he continued to voice his opinion about LeBron James’ offseason antics, from his decision to do “The Decision” to his recent threatening Tweet about his “list.” Barkley said on the radios show “Galloway and Company” that LeBron’s threat to remember everyone who has been “taking shots” at him is a “punk move” and it’s essentially just one of many punk moves the King has made in recent months. Meanwhile, Barkley has yet to comment on his bowels recent punk moves.

LeBron, as @KingJames on Twitter, recently Tweeted: “Don’t think for one min that I haven’t been taking mental notes of everyone taking shots at me this summer. And I mean everyone!” While he didn’t elaborate as to what level of shots he was referring to, I’d like to take a second to apologize for all the jokes I’ve made about Delonte West banging LeBron’s mom, Gloria. In retrospect, I should have referred to her as Ms. James. Classless move on my part.

Add me to your list, Fanhouse

“I heard about LeBron’s little tweet today that he’s remembering everybody who said anything bad about him,” Barkley said Thursday on ESPN Radio 103.3 FM in Dallas/Fort Worth. “And he said ‘everybody.’ Well, I want him to make sure that he puts my name on that (list).

“I thought that his little one-hour special was a punk move. I thought them dancing around on the stage was a punk move, and I thought he should’ve stayed in Cleveland. Him joining Dwyane Wade’s team was very disappointing to me.”

Barkley added that if LeBron has a problem with his criticism then he knows where to find him, because Barkley “don’t run.” That comment got Barkley on my list, which is tentatively titled, “No Sh*t, Sherlock.” Sir Charles went on to say that the Unholy Trinity of James, Chris Bosh and Dwyane Wade were “jumping around on stage like punks” and that it wasn’t cool to him. What is cool to Barkley? Bel Biv Devoe. Now those guys can jump around on stage with some class.

Michael Jordan and Charles Barkley competed in the American Century Championship celebrity golf tournament over the weekend, but the real story in Lake Tahoe was Ray Romano’s hilarious jokes. Just kidding, nobody cares about Ray. But NBC still cares about LeBron James signing with the Miami Heat and his good friends Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh, so reporters asked the two legendary former NBA stars what they thought about this union of epic *fart noise* proportions, and they each gave their opinion, albeit in dissimilar fashions.

Jordan, the consummate gentleman and owner of the Charlotte Bobcats, recognized that there’s a difference between the LeBron NBA* and the Jordan NBA, and while he doesn’t necessarily agree with how James, Wade and Bosh have done things, he doesn’t fault them either. But he also didn’t hold back in whipping it out, measuring it and reminding everyone that he’s Michael F-ing Jordan.

Retire for a season to suck at baseball, New York Post:

Read the rest of this entry »