You Been Blinded was the first to bring the latest Charles Barkley escapade to our attention. After the Magic finished off the Cavs in Game Six on Saturday, Barkley took an ill-advised poke at TNT producer Tim Kiely on air, coughing into his hand while uttering the P-word, much to the amazement of Reggie Miller and the rest of the team.

Barkley has had fun at Kiely’s expense before, even referring to the longtime-producer as “my big fat obnoxious boss,” according to this USA Today TV column from 2005:

Kiely, lead producer of TNT’s Inside the NBA studio show, has a different take on his role: “The best description of my job would be ‘Charles’ psychologist.’ “[...]

Barkley, saying Kiely is “fine to work for and work with,” confirms the language guidelines: “All he says is, ‘Don’t curse.’ That’s the extent of his expertise.”

I think expecting Charles to remember anything for four years is a little unfair. Watch Chuck in action in a somewhat over-edited clip after the jump. Read the rest of this entry »

Charles Barkley hasn’t been much fun since he was pulled over for DUI last New Year’s Eve. He’s said all the right things about being more responsible and blah blah he still wants to gamble.

“Nobody ever complains about gambling when you’re winning. I’ve never heard a guy say, Hey, I’m winning too much money, I’m going to quit gambling.’ But my gambling had gotten to be a problem. I said I was going to take some time off,” he said.

Barkley said on the air during the NBA playoffs last June he wasn’t going to gamble for “the next year or two” after he was sued by a Las Vegas Strip casino for failing to pay $400,000 in gambling markers, or loans. He repaid his debt to the Wynn Las Vegas casino along with a $40,000 district attorney’s fee.

Barkley said he has missed making bets during football season and likely would gamble again someday.

Charles, you wanna make a bet on football? Buy a UFL team. You’ll lose less money than if you took the points on Auburn the entire season. Yeah, obviously, there’s isn’t jack going on today if we’re yapping about stuff Charles Barkley might do. I might paint my entire body green and run down Washington Boulevard kicking in car windows while screaming “WE COME IN PEACE!” But that doesn’t make it news.

|AZ Central, via FanNation|

Charles Barkley knocked out that 36 hours of jail time last week, which included 12 hours of work release, Jail doesn’t sound so turrble after all:

Barkley, a TNT studio analyst, reported to the jail Saturday morning wearing a blue warm-up suit with red stripes. He was not required to wear a jail uniform or the county’s signature pink underwear because he got work release, Sheriff Joe Arpaio said.

Barkley spent about 36 hours in jail after getting 12 hours of work release on Sunday and Monday. He was housed in a separate tent from the other inmates for his safety, and meals were brought to him. The Hall of Fame player also must pay more than $2,000 in fines and install an ignition-interlock device on his vehicles.

Only in Arizona could jail be that much fun. I blame McCain. I’m sure when he was in Hanoi, getting the tar beaten out of him every day, he’d crawl back into his cell and think to himself, “This prison thing wouldn’t be so bad if I could just work on my tan.”

|AJC|

…and probably getting sodomized by someone a lot uglier than this. Not that I personally worry about that kind of thing. See, I have a conjoined twin and we’re connected four inches above my anus. If only everyone’s Hershey highway had its very own tollbooth operator. But anyway, the lesson here is that you shouldn’t drink and drive, unless you’re really, REALLY good at it.

Barkley just pled guilty to 2 counts of driving under the influence and pleaded “responsible” to running a stop sign for the December 31 incident in Scottsdale.

Barkley was sentenced to 10 days in jail — but will only do five if he completes an alcohol education program. Barkley was also fined $2,000.

Methinks going to jail in Scottsdale would be like going to a spa in Wichita, but there’s a chance that Barkley could end up in Arizona’s famous Tent City Jail, which was the greatest idea ever. Charles Barkley without air conditioning? Good luck pinning him down on laundry night.

UPDATE: TMZ is reporting that Barkley will in fact be headed to Tent City, and will be paired up with…DMX?!
[TMZ]

The police report from Charles Barkley’s DUI arrest was released, and it’s not hyperbole to say that this will only add to the legacy of Sir Charles.  From The Smoking Gun (via Deadspin):

According to the officer who wrote the report, “He told me that he ran the stop sign because he was in a hurry to pick up the girl I saw get in the passenger seat.”

The officer continues: “He asked me to admit that she was ‘hot.’ He asked me, ‘You want the truth?’ When I told him I did he said, ‘I was gonna drive around the corner and get a blow job. He then explained that she had given him a ‘blow job’ one week earlier and said it was the best one he had ever had in his life.”

I may disapprove of drunk driving, but I’ve got Charles’s back on everything else.  Blowjobs are the fountain of youth.  There’s nothing else on Earth that will make a 45-year-old man giddy like a 16-year-old boy.  Honestly if I had the choice between the Seahawks winning the Super Bowl and getting the best blowjob of my life… let’s just say I’d probably run that stop sign too.

NBA Hall of Famer and TNT analyst Charles Barkley was arrested for suspicion of driving under the influence early this morning in a Phoenix suburb.  TMZ says:

Barkley was arrested by the Gilbert Police Department at a DUI checkpoint and had his blood tested on scene by a mobile DUI task force. He was released a short time later and took a taxi home.

I’m in favor of rich and famous doing every single kind of crime except for DUI.  I will never never never understand why people who have the extra cash insist on driving when they go out (especially in Maricopa County, where Sheriff Joe Arpaio is a noted hardass about DUI).  If I had the money you could bet your sweet A I’d have a chauffeur take me everywhere.  And I’d make him talk all proper.  “To the burlesque, Master Ufford?”