Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver Chad Ochocinco tweeted a photo of his toilet earlier today, and how about that, it looks just like a Bengals helmet. And really, there’s no better-fitting analogy for the team’s depressing season than a commode in Bengals colors.

Cincinnati, mind you, won their division last year before losing to the Jets for the second time in a week in the opening round of the playoffs. And if we were going to pin the blame on someone for the team’s current 2-9 record, it wouldn’t be Ocho, but quarterback Carson Palmer, who is on pace to have his worst full season as a pro. He’s been playing like poop.

But this is a much more team-oriented than Terrell Owens’s toilet, which is just a 3-dimension mold of his own face. Click the image to embiggen.

Last month, Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver Chad Ochocinco launched his own brand of cereal, OchocincO’s, with the sole purpose of donating proceeds to the charity organization Feed the Children. By calling a toll-free number on the box, consumers could also make private donations to the organization to help their favorite NFL receiver’s cause. Only it turns out that the calls weren’t toll free and they were more like $2 for the first minute and .69 for each additional minute.

Instead of the 1-888 number for Feed the Children, boxes of the cereal featured a 1-800 number that led callers to a phone sex line. Best. Cereal. Ever. Boxes were pulled from store shelves yesterday, but in related news – people still call phone sex lines? Seriously? I haven’t called one since I was 16 and figured out that hotels didn’t block their lobby phones from toll calls. Not that I need to call, what with all the sex I have with live females.

So who is responsible for this mess and what are they wearing, WCPO Cincinnati:

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Fluent spanglish speaker, Chad Ochocinco, has been randomly selected by the NFL to undergo a urinalysis. Initially, R. Kelly got excited, until he realized that no 14 year old girls would be involved. Ochocinco uploaded a picture of the notice to his Twitter account with this caption:

Ok , why does the NFL continue to test me, all I do is piss excellence for them each time, I love these random steroid -drug test –Twitter

Also in Chad’s piss: Vince Lombardi’s tears, and enough vodka cranberry to help the citizens of Cincinnati drink away their sadness. Terrell Owens is relieved to be on a team where you only need to give pee for testing. Jerry Jones makes all of his players give him a sperm sample. He clones them for his private army.

The testament to a truly great reality show is nonstop energy and excitement. So it’s probably not a good thing if the star of a show falls asleep during an episode. In the third episode of Chad Ochocinco’s The Ultimate Catch, the Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver took contestants Katie and Tara on a surprise double date to Las Vegas, and during the flight he passed out. And that pretty much sums up where this show is going quickly.

Tara has spent most of her time on the show complaining about how Ocho tried to dry hump her at one point, while many can argue that she was indeed the humper of dryness. She’s besmirched Chad’s gentle heart in private – on TV – while speaking with the other girls, so you’d assume that she’d be an easy pick to get the boot after her double sate with Katie. One problem – Katie’s a “born again virgin” and won’t have sex again until she gets married. So basically, she’s a slut.

Spoilers after the jump… if you dare.

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Chad Ochocinco’s new reality series The Ultimate Catch (GET IT?!?!) debuted on VH1 last Sunday and I missed the first episode. But thanks to the overwhelming encouragement of my friends and a very generous Internet, I caught up on episode 1 last night before watching episode 2. As a precursor, I hate reality TV with a passion. But bless Chad’s heart, because this show is phenomenal. In fact, it’s so awesomely awful that we’re going to devote a post every Monday to recap each episode until Chad ultimately finds love*.

To catch us up, here are the basics of the show: Ochocinco has created a tournament bracket for girls to compete in a variety of football-themed, humiliating events in order to win his affection. These events include the Hugging Sled (see after the jump), a simulated gameday tailgate featuring actual Cincinnati Bengals fans, and lots of jiggling. Terrell Owens even stopped by to show us that he has absolutely nothing else going on in his life. But the stakes were raised for the 16 girls who made it past the first episode’s cuts, and for the second episode they had to compete against each other in double dates to advance to the next round. Thank God Chad didn’t employ his own version of the BCS.

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Chad Ochocinco’s reality TV dating show ‘The Ultimate Catch’ made it’s debet last night, and is already receiving rave reviews from me. Which one of Chad’s 85 (get it?) contestants will win his heart, and earn herself a touchdown celebration? I’m putting 85 as the over/under for the amount of drunken fights this season. And yes, there will be a next season. I can see VH-1 execs laughing at the winner now. “What, did you think he was serious?”

Chad took his show as an opportunity to give the Steelers some bulletin board material (/punches self in face) for their first game against the reigning division champion Bengals. It’s best not to piss off Steelers fans, Chad. They’re everywhere.

The Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver tweeted about a brawl with a bouncer Sunday night outside a New York City club – but not before taking a swipe at the Pittsburgh Steelers during the premiere of his new show, “Ochocinco: The Ultimate Catch.”

The VH1 reality series follows the number 85 sport star as he chooses a mate from, naturally, 85 possible women.

“Man, I haven’t seen this many girls on a football field since the last time we played the Steelers,” he quipped at the sight of the women before paring down the selection to 17. –NYDailyNews

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