While many NFL players have spent the offseason and lockout trying to stay in shape by working out wherever they can, Chad Ochocinco or Johnson or whatever is living every coach’s nightmare. Sure, the aging wide receiver has been running and working out in Atlanta to be ready to torment Marvin Lewis next season, but he also decided that he wanted to ride a bull at the professional level. He could have waltzed into a bar in some podunk tourist trap and tried his hand at a mechanical bull like any good sorority girl would, but no. He wanted to ride a 1,500-pound living, breathing, pissed off bull.

In this case, Chad’s 1,500-pound bull was named Deja Blu and he almost stomped the life out of the 33-year old Saturday night at the Gwinnett Center in Duluth, Georgia. Chad made it a whopping 1.5 seconds on Deja Blu to earn himself a $10,000 appearance fee, before the bull angrily tried to crush Chad’s helmet with his hind legs.

“I was mad that I couldn’t ride it out of the chute,” said Ochocinco, who received a $10,000 appearance fee.

“I knew I was in over my head,” Ochocinco said.

“I’m sure the NFL is pissed, but I don’t follow their rules anyway,” Ochocinco said. (Atlanta Journal-Constitution)

Forget the NFL, I have to think that somewhere Chad Pennington saw this story and just yelled, “Are you f*cking kidding me?”

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Last month, the breakfast cereal industry received a huge blow when it was learned that Chad Ochocinco’s cereal, OchocincO’s, had accidentally misprinted the number to the charity Feed the Children, which was the intended recipient of proceeds from sales and donations, on the cereal boxes. Instead, the packaging featured a number for a 1-800 sex line, which many people, adult and children, ended up calling while trying to make donations. Or so they told their wives.

The cereal was immediately pulled from shelves, undoubtedly a huge blow to the efforts by the Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver to help this quality organization. However, it was great news for a Persian guy with a warehouse full of telephones and fat Midwestern women. But now the cereal has returned to grocery stores throughout Cinnci and many other cities, so people can go back to enjoying a nutritious breakfast and cursing Ochocinco’s inconsistent fantasy numbers *shakes fist in general direction of Ohio*.

Tell me what you’re wearing, Fox 19… A suit? What kind of sick pervert are you?

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The Cincinnati Bengals have started the 2010 campaign a little rougher than most anticipated. At 2-3, they are only one game up on the lowly Browns in the AFC North standings. What was supposed to be a dynamic passing attack has been anything but. Chad Ochocinco thinks he knows what the problem is. He claims it is his utter lack of production smack talk.

Sports Illustrated reported on Chad’s verbal diarrhea…

“I haven’t been the Chad of old, the Chad that we’re all used to – the boisterous, sometimes borderline cocky, arrogant,” he said. “But that’s the way I am and that’s what everybody feeds off as a city and as an organization, and I haven’t been that.

“I think when I do come back (from the bye), I’m going back to the Chad of old.”

The elephant in the Cincinnati locker room is Carson Palmer. He is currently a career worst 59.3% passing with 7 touchdowns and 6 interceptions, including two late game picks to give away the game last week to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Outside of the Patriots game to open the season, the Bengals defense has kept them in games, Palmer’s ineffectiveness just isn’t doing them any favors.

Chad added…

“I’m able to play my style by being boisterous, by talking, by giving other teams bulletin-board material and in my mind, I know I have no choice but to go out and perform at a high level,” he said. “I feed off that. You’ve been with me for 10 years and you know I’ve never been able to be quiet.”

Things he also hasn’t been able to do in 10 years include winning a playoff game, beating Darrelle Revis, making Roger Goodell’s Christmas card list, and spelling TJ Houshmandzadeh’s name correctly on Cincinnati overpasses.

Cincinnati Bengals wideouts Chad Ocho Cinco and that one guy who drops a lot of balls are talking about doing a TV show. During the season. I know that Terrell Owens needs the money, but Chad? It’s almost like he has this insatiable craving for attention.

“The T.Ocho Show” will be more than just a football show. Already reality-TV stars, media celebrities, and crossover personalities of American pop culture, T.O. and OchoCinco will look at the best and worst of Twitter, the most memorable moments from both players’ VH1 reality shows, and many other topics–from Kim Kardashian’s dating habits to Rex Ryan’s eating habits.
“This is coming from the perspective of two professionals. We play the game, we live the game, and viewers will get to live it through us week-in and week-out,” said Chad OchoCinco. “Versus is taking a big risk giving us this show. It’s gonna be dangerous. Watch with care.” Release, via Press Coverage.

Whatever. It’s not like those guys can’t get a crew to shoot around their football schedules. Of course, if they ruin my Bengals’ run at another division title, I will hate them for it. So I guess my stand is “good for them.” At least, until it’s not good for me. I just wonder if they’ll let Carson Palmer play the gay neighbor on the show. He seems cut out for that.

Pacman Jones has scored an extra life. In Cincinnati. I’m as shocked as you are. The Bengals hosted him for a workout on Tuesday, and I guess that was all she wrote. Jones was getting interest from at least four different teams.

This signing makes no GD sense. Never mind that the Bengals were sixth in passing yards allowed, have two first-round draft picks at each corner already, and oh by the way Jones has started in six games in the last three years. But don’t worry, Tristate-area police, because Chad Ocho Cinco is on the case.

“PacMan Jones will be a great addition to our already solid ass defense not to mention his ability to return kicks,#hewontgetintroubleimthere” –via Twitter.

Look at the great job that Chad did with Chris Henry. And Maurice Purify, for that matter. Between Jones and Matt Jones, our new fearless disciplinarian should do quite well for himself. Just step on back, America. Nothing to see here.

ABC just announced its lineup for Season 10 of “Dancing With The Stars” and as always, it has that mind-bending bend of has-beens, jocks and somewhat-notables from other walks of life. Highlighting the sports-centric portion of the card are ESPN sideline princess/hotel room stalkee Erin Andrews and Bengals wide receiver Chad Ocho Cinco. Other notables include Buzz Aldrin, Kate Gosselin, and that chick from “Reno 911.”

The announcement shouldn’t really surprise anyone. Andrews, who was on her school’s dance team during her undergraduate days at the University of Florida, has been openly lobbying for a spot on the hit show for some time. And Chad Ocho Cinco will do or say pretty much anything to get on TV, so people will get a break from logging into UStream and Twitter. That’s nice.

The show is scheduled to return to ABC later this month. That’s really just a guess, because I don’t really care. Watching people dance is just slightly less inspiring than watching people eat. And about as entertaining.