Nobody knows for sure whether the former Chad Johnson changed his name for purposes of marketing, publicity, general tomfoolery (my vote), or because he’s now married to Alberto Ochocinco of Sarasota, Florida. Whatever the reason, there seem to be more seats available on the Ocho Cinco bandwagon heading into 2009. From Darren Rovell, a swell guy who hands the ball back to the referee every time:

In October 2006, Johnson first unveiled “Ocho Cinco” on his jersey for a game in honor of Hispanic Heritage Month. Before the game, Bengals quarterback Carson Palmer ripped off the “Ocho Cinco” to reveal the usual “C. Johnson” on the back of his jersey. Even though Johnson was fined $5,000 by the league, he went ahead and made the name change permanent less than two years later.

Johnson sells T-shirts on a site that read “Ocho Cinco,” but the league will only let him wear and market official league products using the name as one word because that is how he filled it out on the name change application.

Has anyone destroyed his name in more of a literal and figurative sense than this guy? Chad has created two alternate names: the two-word name that he wished to be his current moniker, and the one-word name that he’s legally required to wear by the league. And now with Houshmanzadeh having bolted for Seattle, that case of Surname Envy should be long gone before training camp. But the herpes? That’s the gift that keeps on giving.

Goddam West Coast.  I wake up at 10:00 a.m. out here, and this is going on:

Ocho Cinco makes his way through the Best Buy store in Florence, Ky. He said was in the store to buy coach Marvin Lewis a gift. Seen with a Rock Band kit, portable stereo and a Cuisinart four-slice toaster, Ocho Cinco said, “I’ve been trying to call coach, but he doesn’t answer.” It was 5:25 a.m.

Holy crap, KSK’s Ocho and Marvin series is closer to the truth than anyone ever suspected. God bless the Artist Formerly Known as Chad Johnson.  The only way that list of purchased items could have been better was if it included some Michel Gondry DVDs.

[Via Fan IQ.  Photo credit: Cincinnati Enquirer/Michael Keating]

OCHO CINCO DEACTIVATED FOR STEELERS GAME — Bengals wideout Chad Johnson-Cinco has been suspended by the organization for an unspecified violation of team rules, although a Bengals blogger says it’s because Ocho overslept and missed a team meeting (link via PFT).  A team meeting at 8:30 p.m.

BRADY QUINN HAS A BOO-BOO — Brady Quinn, fresh off his first career win as the Browns’ starting QB, has a broken index finger on his throwing hand.  Experts such as myself suggest that may affect his throwing, and also his pointing on the dance floor.  Quinn will play, but doctors have warned that he “cannot damage the finger any further.”  Which is why he’ll keep it safe in another man’s ass until Sunday.

TOO BAD FOR LINEMEN — The life expectancy for pro football linemen is 52.  Hey, that’s great news!   As long as it’s still the 18th century.

Yesterday in spite-related name-change news, we learned about the man who became War Machine.  Today, the word on the street is that lithium-needing Bengals receiver Chad Johnson has officially changed his last name to Ocho Cinco.

According to Miami radio station 790 The Ticket, which is in Johnson’s hometown, the receiver has legally changed his last name to “Ocho Cinco.” Johnson’s — sorry — Ocho Cinco’s reported name change has been rumored in NFL circles for weeks, and according to the station today, it’s official.

Johnson forewarned the public that a major surprise was coming during a recent interview with Chris McKendry on ESPN’s SportsCenter.

Some folks are already calling him an idiot, but I have to say, I think this is terrific.  We should all get to choose whatever name we want.  Pleasure to meet you, I’m Rock.  Rock Thunderballs.