Here’s A Controversy That Is Totally Stupid

Written by Ashley Burns / 09.15.11

One of my favorite things in sports is when athletes make jokes in their postgame or practice press conferences and reporters either don’t get them or they do get them but still turn them into mini controversies for the sake of slow news days. Case in point – when asked about Chad Henne’s 59 rushing yards against the New England Patriots on Monday Night Football, Brandon Marshall laughed and called him the “White Michael Vick.”

SOUND THE RACISM ALARMS! LET LOOSE THE HOUNDS OF DOUBLE STANDARDS!

Or don’t. Because this is completely stupid. Here’s what Marshall said:

Reporter: “What do you think of scrambling Chad, Brandon?” (laughs)

Brandon: (laughing) “I like it as long as he don’t get hit.”

Other Reporter: “You called him Michael Vick.”

Brandon: (smiling) “Yeah, the White Vick.”

(Everyone laughs)

And that’s the end of the story. At least it should be. Instead, it’s being reported as if Marshall honestly believes that Henne’s panic scrambles for his career-high rushing yardage really equates to Vick’s talent. Hell, Henne had 52 rushing yards all of last season, so it should be clear as day that Marshall was simply making a joke. But hey, that’s the joy of reporting without context. Let’s fire up the masses and stir up controversy around the guy with the mental problems.

That is, until Tim Tebow circumcises another child and we can run a story about how he diddles kids. Respect the power of the sports media.

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When Did Quarterbacks Stop Having Balls?

Written by Ashley Burns / 08.05.11

When the Miami Dolphins and Denver Broncos failed to reach an agreement on a trade for Kyle Orton, two things happened: 1) Chad Henne fell ass backwards into another year as the de facto starter for Miami, and B) Tim Tebow possibly lost his job as the starter in Denver. Thankfully, both professional athletes have responded to their respective situations like men. And I’m just kidding, because they’re both big babies.

Some fans at a recent Dolphins practice began chanting, “We want Orton” when Henne took the field, and the guy who is allergic to throwing to Brandon Marshall didn’t like that very much.

“Deep down inside, it does hurt,” Henne said of the “We want Orton!” chants. “Obviously you want the respect of the fans and you want them to have your back. If you’re a Miami Dolphins fan, hopefully you’re cheering for the Miami Dolphins and the players out there, not somebody that’s not here.” (CBS Sports)

First of all, take my word as a Miami Dolphins fan – we suck. We’re complete dicks, and we bitch and piss and moan about everything. We learned it from New York Jets fans. But as far as it hurting? Man up, Sally. You think the fans are going to lay off because you say it hurts? Maybe try this new thing called getting better. It starts with confidence and it ends with victories, something Miami fans are growing tired of not having.

As for Tebow, we already know what Merril Hoge thinks, and he’s probably not alone, but Broncos fans don’t want to hear that because they’ve been drinking the same Kool-Aid that Gainesville has been brewing for the past 6 years. The fact remains that Orton is a proven starter, and the job is probably his when Week 1 begins. So did Tebow tip his cap to the veteran in front of him and vow to learn from him and earn his starting role like all good QBs do? No. He bitched about it.

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Dolphins Fans Hurt Henne’s Feelings

Written by Ashley Burns / 12.28.10

Miami Dolphins players and personnel are very upset with the team’s fans after they booed and shouted insults at quarterback Chad Henne as a result of Miami’s 34-27 loss to the Detroit Lions on Sunday. With a 10-point lead in the 4th quarter, Henne threw two interceptions – the first set up a Dave Rayner field goal and the second was returned for the game-winning touchdown. And despite WR Devone Bess taking the blame for falling down on the second pick, Miami fans have focused their blame on Henne and coach Tony Sparano.

A few players felt the sorrow of the fans after the pathetic loss (Yeremiah Bell apologized to the fans for an awful season), but team mouthpiece and perennial underachiever Channing Crowder ain’t having none of it. You see, according to Crowder, fans aren’t allowed to boo their team. That kind of behavior isn’t welcomed in Miami sports…

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Dolphins QBs Now Just On The Ground

Written by Ashley Burns / 11.15.10

The Miami Dolphins kept their dwindling playoff hopes alive with a 29-17 win over the Tennessee Titans yesterday, but they’ll have to keep pressing on without quarterbacks Chad Henne and Chad Pennington, who were both removed from the game with serious injuries. Coach Tony Sparano had named Pennington the starter after Henne was throwing picks at a Cutlerian/Favrean rate, but the oft-injured veteran was injured very early in his return. Pennington reinjured his surgically repaired shoulder, which was already agitated by his notebook paper physique, and this pretty much means his career is over.

Henne, on the other hand, played for most of the first three quarters, ignoring Brandon Marshall with Hall-of-Fame precision, before he eventually took a shot to his knee, dislocating his kneecap and most likely ending his season. Tyler Thigpen took over for the banging Chads in the fourth quarter, and seeing as the former Kansas City Chief is the only QB left in Miami with a solid bill of health, it’s his ship to sink now.

Raise up our new hero, Sun-Sentinel, and let us worship this golden idol:

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IS CHAD HENNE READY FOR PRIME TIME?

Written by JOSH Z / 09.30.09


“That’s the endzone, Chad. Take us that way.”

With the season-ending “capsule” injury to Chad Pennington and the Miami Dolphins’ subsequent acquisition of the almost-awesomely-named Tyler Thigpen, the focus turns to second-year quarterback Chad Henne, who will get his first career start against Buffalo in the Sunshine State on Sunday.

Henne was a four-year starter at Michigan. He completed 59 percent of his passes. Bill Parcells liked him enough to draft him. All of those things speak well of his ability to step in and perform competently, especially after a week of preparing as the gameday starter. Oh, and they’re playing the Bills and their Pop Warner offense. But breaking in a new QB is the least of Miami’s issues.

Everyone knows the problems with this offense. The receivers stink, Tony Fasano is MIA, etc….But the strength of Henne is his arm strength, we keep being told. And Ted Ginn Jr. has streaked open down the field a few times this year and never been hit. That’s the pass Henne can hit. That’s the one that can change a game.

It’s why Henne really should be a better fit for this offense than Pennington. But saying he’s a better fit doesn’t mean he’s a better quarterback. He’s got to show that. –Dave Hyde.

We’ll see what Miami can muster as the Jets start running away with the AFC East. At 0-3, Miami is already hard-pressed to repeat as division champs. Henne might not be playing to salvage the season, but only to position himself for 2010. also.

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