Adam Jones is moving out of the country. No, he hasn’t been deported. He’s reached an agreement to play for the Winnipeg Blue Bombers of the CFL.

Jones agreed in principle to a one-year deal with the Winnipeg Blue Bombers late Monday night and is expected to join the team as early as Wednesday.
“It’ll be a good experience for me to get back in game shape and compete and play football, which I like to do,” Jones told SI.com. “I’m real happy for the opportunity that’s been given to me. Of course it’s disappointing to me to not be playing in the NFL. But things happen and you have to adjust.” via, via.

Everyone in the NFL seems to be sick of Pacman’s crap, and it’s understandable. A player prone to suspension is no different than a player prone to injury, and neither is worth the money if he can’t stay on the field. So now Jones will probably get suspended while hurting himself and cap off a notably dubious career. Wow, “cap off” is the best way I can phrase that? Let’s see if I can do better. Oh, damn, I already hit “Publish.” Oh, well.

Our love affair with the gridiron game in the Great White North rolls on: The Wes Welker of the CFL, Montreal’s Ben Cahoon, pulled in a big catch for the Alouettes on Saturday when he caught a ball for a first down between himself and the defender. It doesn’t even matter that the announcers are speaking French, which I speak fluently. The one guy said, “Wow, that’s a gritty play” and the other guy said, “He sure has deceptive speed.” It’s okay to be racist when you’re Canadian. Read the rest of this entry »

This is not Elton John circa 1988. Actually, this guy is Eric Tillman; he’s the general manager of the Saskatchewan Roughriders, and he’s being charged with the sexual assault of a 16-year-old. The encounter allegedly occurred in Regina, which the way they pronounce it, rhymes with “vagina,” and really, where else would you sexually assault a girl? You know, besides her butt.

Police spokeswoman Elizabeth Popowich said an assault is believed to have taken place on Aug. 6 and was reported to police three days later. Tillman, 51, was arrested on Jan. 27 after he went to police. He was released and is to appear in court Feb. 24.

“I can only say that the alleged incident occurred in Regina and really now that there’s a charge before the courts, it’s inappropriate to discuss it further,” Popowich said.

The Roughriders have been living up to their moniker of late. In 2006, Roughriders linebacker Trevis Smith allegedly infected two women with HIV. After serving jail time, he’s going to be deported… to America! Tillman, meanwhile, has been placed on administrative leave. Good news for him, because I bet at least one high school in Canada is getting a snow day.

[TSN.ca -- thanks to Jeremy, who exclusively plows ladies who meet the state-required age of consent]

Much like the beloved American tradition, Canadia also has football on Thanksgiving.  But they have their Thanksgiving in October, because everything’s been frozen for five weeks by the time late November rolls around.

For this year’s Thanksgiving Classic, the gay motorcycle club known as the Saskatchewan Roughriders traveled to Calgary to battle the Stampeders, and Saskatchewan’s fans traveled to Calgary to battle the cops.  And certain lucky Canucks got punched in the face.  I love happy endings.

[Busted Coverage]

The Canadian Football League.  Three downs, bigger fields, and suckier touchdown celebrations.

Seriously.  Duck duck goose.  That’s not an illusion or a commercial or something.  That’s a professional athlete celebrating a touchdown by gathering his teammates for a mock-up childhood game that they planned sometime before the game.  This is why no one respects you, Canada.

[The Meaningful Collateral]

Arland Bruce III, a wide receiver for the CFL’S Toronto Argonauts, apparently spent many lonely masturbatory nights planning an elaborate touchdown celebration that included a Spiderman mask. That celebration was realized when he scored Monday against the Hamilton Tiger-Cats. Aaaand, it’s lamers.

To recap: you put on the mask, a process that takes you roughly eight minutes, pose for half a second with it on then immediately take it off? You don’t even try to kiss a cheerleader upside down or bust a nut on her costume and pretend it’s webbing? What a waste.

[Fanhouse; SportsbyBrooks]