In my continuing efforts to write stories for the two people I know in Canada, here’s a pretty goddamn amazing clip of Toronto Mayor Rob Ford celebrating his city’s hosting the 100th Grey Cup by playing football. Here’s the full recap: he takes a snap from nobody, cannot manage one step backwards, turns and hop-falls onto his face. It’s sad, hilarious and adorable at the same time, and hey, I am now more aware than ever of where the 100th Grey Cup will be.
Here’s a CFL mascot attack video, featuring a Lawrence Of Arabia thing where a dot appears on the horizon, and you follow it until it becomes a person and eventually clobbers Buzz of the Winnipeg Blue Bombers from behind. I don’t like what you’re doing, CFL fans. Not one bit. (via It’s Always Sunny In Detroit)
- Only 52 more weeks til Wrestlemania 29 and 44 more until pointing at the sign season. Hooray!
- Let’s have a party in the comment section. I’ll (guest writer Chris Trew) will hang there all week long and we can discuss how exciting next week is gonna be when Brandon is not in an airplane during Raw.
- Thank you to Casey/THESTINGER for helping me out with gifs and pictures. Be sure to visit his gifs Tumblr for the stuff I didn’t use.
I feel like there are three ways to enjoy this video of two 73-year old former CFL players throwing hands at the Alumni Legends Luncheon in Vancouver on Friday.
1. From the Social Behavior perspective. Watching two guys who can’t let go of grudges get into a septuagenarian street fight is funny enough, but what’s better is the reaction of the crowd. When Angelo Mosca tells Joe Kapp to shove the olive branch up his ass, everyone’s like “hahaha oh you wacky elderly”, and that continues, punches and all, until Mosca tries to whip a mic stand into Kapp’s face. Then, gasps. Maybe you should’ve gasped when he told the guy to put the wood up his ass and not encouraged them to act out?
The second highlight from this perspective is when Kapp stands over Mosca yelling GET UP~ and then cries “sportsmanship” to the crowd. The crowd’s all “yehhh” because they’re supposed to be responding, and you can’t scream WHY ARE YOU FIGHTING YOU ARE 73 STOP BEING WEIRD AND STUPID in a good enough unison.
2. From the Pro Wrestling Jokes perspective, as shared by Tom Holzerman over at The Wrestling Blog. You see, in addition to being a CFL legend, Angelo Mosca was an announcer for the WWF (winning “Worst Wrestling Announcer” honors in the annual Observer Awards) and wrestled across the United States and Canada as “King Kong” Mosca. You can watch him deliver the most ‘Ren & Stimpy’ promo ever while being interviewed by what appears to be a 15-year old Tony Schiavone here. “I like you, AND HIM! He likes me … and I like HIM!”
Thank goodness he’s getting into fights with Joe Kapp and not Dusty Rhodes. If 73-year old Kapp could floor him with a punch, a Bionic Elbow from Dusty would’ve crushed his skull.
3. From the Old Man Fight perspective. It reminded me a lot of this:
Fun story from Andrew Bucholtz and the world’s greatest CFL site: Charles Chulada showed up for a CFL tryout in Florida wearing blue jeans and a 16-year-old tee shirt. Whoa whoa whoa; the CFL is having tryouts in Florida?
“I knew I could do it,” Chulada said after running a couple of 40-yard dashes. “I want to put on a helmet and run through a brick wall to show them I can do it.” Fortunately, there were no helmets around to tempt Chulada, who from 1969 through 1973 played college football and wrestled for Syracuse University.
The self-described brick mason and poet rode his bike — and we’re not talking a Harley here — from his home in Ormond-by-the-Sea to Municipal Stadium to participate in the free one-day camp conducted by the Canadian Football League team.
It’s funny because most pro football players are dead before they turn 50. I really wish there was some sort of wussed-out form of football for older folks, kinda like softball. Once you turn 30, sports kinda blow unless you can hold a beer in one hand while participating. At least that doesn’t rule out the Bengals.
I have watched Canadian Football as many times in my life as I have had sex with a Victoria’s Secret model, and I know what you’re thinking, but no, I don’t actually have sex with Victoria’s Secret models nightly. It’s actually zero times, so you’ll understand that I was a bit clueless when it came to watching the ending of Friday night’s game between the Montreal Alouettes (the gentille Alouettes? – Ed.) and the Toronto Argonauts. Tied at 30, the Als line up to kick the game-winning field goal, which I assume would give Montreal control of Canadian parliament. I’m not sure, but that’s what my parole officer told me.
In the CFL, the most notable difference in field goal kicking from the NFL is the position of the goal post, but don’t worry – it gets even zanier! You see, if the kicker makes the field goal, the team gets 3 points, plain and simple. However, if the kicker misses the FG, the defense (or defence for our northern friends) has to retrieve the ball and either return it out of the end zone or, if they don’t think they can return it, they have to kick the ball away. If the kicking team recovers the ball in the end zone, they get the touchdown, or if the ball goes out of the end zone, they also get one point. I guess what I’m trying to say is – SACRE BLEU!